Women and Men: Ever experienced sexual harrasment in public?

[kayleee]

Yes, I think this should end. I'm very sorry for whatever I've done to start an argument, but I'm just speaking my mind here. I had no intentions of starting any arguments with anybody.



Did you even read what I said? I'm not sure if I should even bother knocking sense into that head of yours. I do not speak for any woman or man, and I do not condone any disrespectful actions against either gender, whether it be sexual or not. That's as far as I'm going here. You're taking everything I've said out of context to make me sound like a stereotypical male, and it's absolutely ridiculous.

I never said women should lighten up about sexual harassment. I'm saying you shouldn't ambush men just because they look at you or tell you to have a nice day. There's a big difference between being harassed and being spoken to. If I were feeling at all uncomfortable with what someone was saying or doing to me, I'd let them know and get out of there. Do you think I expect women to just suck up to men? I don't. I am nobody to tell you to do that either. Also, why would I want a medal? And when did I say I was a gentleman? You're just putting words in my mouth.

I think anyone with a brain would be able to tell if somebody was flirting with you or not, but flirting is not sexual harassment unless you've told them to stop and they won't. You're making me sound like some old, sexist pain in the butt, but I probably think more of women than you do, and I'm gay! I just wasn't aware of the fact women have magical abilities.

How old even are you? I think you've still got a lot to learn about the world, bud. Women confronting men and simply "asking them to stop" is not as easy as you clearly think it is, and can sometimes have devastating consequences. But clearly no sense has been "knocked into that head of yours." And you being gay has absolutely nothing to do with anything so not sure why you threw that on the table as if that would somehow change how ignorant your statements are.

 

[Bowie]

How old even are you? I think you've still got a lot to learn about the world, bud. Women confronting men and simply "asking them to stop" is not as easy as you clearly think it is, and can sometimes have devastating consequences. But clearly no sense has been "knocked into that head of yours." And you being gay has absolutely nothing to do with anything so not sure why you threw that on the table as if that would somehow change how ignorant your statements are.

Let's just end it here, all right? I've got nothing more to say.

 

[kayleee]

Let's just end it here, all right? I've got nothing more to say.

Hahahaha okay. Nice chat thanks for the fun

 

[Kitsuragi]

a few years ago i had a deviantart, and i met a guy who made comics and whatnot and we became friends really quick. over a span of time he kept asking me to take pictures of me in my nightgown or take pictures of me almost naked so he could use them as comic references for his characters. blocked that guy and never heard from him again.
mind you at the time i was 12.
he was 30.

 

[inkling]

Wow that story really grosses me out. There are a lot of creepers in this world. But there is a subset of men that will be nice and give compliments to women and it doesn't offend me at all, sometimes it makes me feel good or put in a good mood bc their mood is just radiating. There are also young boys who catcall just to get a rise or reaction out of girls, I worked with guys like these. I donno it just depends. But there are a lot of creepy pedos in the world. Also men that do treat attractive women as mere objects, but other women do it to them too.

- - - Post Merge - - -

Oops off topic...The answer is yes. At one of my jobs my bosses dad attempted to kiss me and it was so disgusting I locked up and walked right out and texted him. Another instance was a ****ty manager who also tried kissing me and hitting on me constantly. How did I feel? Horrible. Violated. I felt wrong, like I did something wrong. Like I was to blame, that I somehow come off as a slut and would think of ways to not give people the wrong idea. How do these instances effect my daily life? They have made me awkward and nervous in so many situations. I am still getting over all of the times I've been scarred in these types of situations.

 

[Kitsuragi]

Wow that story really grosses me out. There are a lot of creepers in this world. But there is a subset of men that will be nice and give compliments to women and it doesn't offend me at all, sometimes it makes me feel good or put in a good mood bc their mood is just radiating. There are also young boys who catcall just to get a rise or reaction out of girls, I worked with guys like these. I donno it just depends. But there are a lot of creepy pedos in the world. Also men that do treat attractive women as mere objects, but other women do it to them too.

ive noticed alot of people at my school try to attract girls attention by calling them sexy/hot but they do it just to annoy them and get a ruse of them. if it ever happens i just ignore it because its not worth reacting too, its kinda like how people always say "dont feed the troll?" dont feed the creeper.
though sometimes its not that easy of course but still. it's gross. (girls do it here too so its not just a guy thing, and its equally as gross.)

 

[inkling]

ive noticed alot of people at my school try to attract girls attention by calling them sexy/hot but they do it just to annoy them and get a ruse of them. if it ever happens i just ignore it because its not worth reacting too, its kinda like how people always say "dont feed the troll?" dont feed the creeper.
though sometimes its not that easy of course but still. it's gross. (girls do it here too so its not just a guy thing, and its equally as gross.)

I agree, and that's mainly why its difficult to talk about these types of situations. I guess in the end there might be a difference between bullying/harassment/intimidation and teasing in general. I remember in high school I was stalked by one particular guy who whenever he saw me, anytime, any day in school or outside school he would yell a mean nickname he gave me really loud repeatedly. Obviously this isn't sexual harassment but it was a type of bullying that did scar me in a sense if I think deeply about it. At the time, I didn't let it bother me at first, I tried to let it slide, even though it reallly embarressed me and hurt my pride, but once it happened outside of school near my house where I was walking, I literally wanted to die. And sure its one of those thing you have to pretend to be tough and not let it bother you, but being bullied affects your future social skills, so does sexual harassment, this is especially true for people that don't grow up in perfect families so they don't get the same tools to deal with life as some others might get.

I donno, I feel vibes. I can tell when someone is being really mean and uncaring (disgusting/evil) and when somebody is joking or being plain stupid/silly.

 

[MC4pros]

This thread is so important, but I cringe every time I read about horrible experiences. >.< I'm so sorry this happened to anyone.

 

[CR33P]

I WISH.

 

[Officer Berri]

The only time I really remember was on the School Bus when I was a freshmen in high school. From fifth grade until about my junior year I was bullied by many people so I was always used to tuning people out and ignoring them until I could tell a teacher or someone else about it. Well a girl in my grade and a bunch of Juniors and Seniors would always sit and talk to each other about whatever crossed their mind. They usually ignored me, thankfully. I was one of the last people off the bus so I had a long, almost hour long ride I had to listen to them. But one time they decided to focus on me. Started normally. Asking me stupid questions like why I do nothing but draw or why I don't talk to people. I didn't know it at the time but I have a pretty strong anxiety problem and I freak out quite easily. So I stayed quiet to avoid getting freaked out. I ignored them.

Then they decided to ask personal questions. How big are my boobs. Do I trim the hedges? Can I show them? I got really pissed off and told them some colorful things quietly. Of course they told the bus driver. But that woman had known me since kindergarten so she pretended to chide me. When I was getting off the bus, she asked what they did to upset me and I told her. She got angry and told me to tell the school counselors and that she'd write up a report on the incident or something. Well the next day I reported it right after I got into school. At first the counselor tried to pull a 'well maybe they just like you and that's their way of teasing you'. I suppose she was kind of shocked when I got angry at her and told her that if she didn't do something about them bothering me I would tell my parents and they knew they didn't want that. My mom and her husband at the time would do anything to go in and yell at our school. They couldn't stand the way it was run at times. So the situation was dealt with, the boys who bothered me were kicked off the bus (none of the girls who backed them up were, shocking right?) and I didn't have any more problems on the bus anymore. Of course... I only rode that bus one more year until I got fed up with waiting an hour to get home and my grandmother decided she'd take me and my brother home.

Of course... there was another time my family went to a flea market when I was a junior and my stepdad at the time told me not to go too far away because a large group of guys my age had been eying me and following me around since we had entered the building. Terrified me pretty badly to know I hadn't even realized it was happening. Terrified me even more to have to walk around by my self period for the longest time, up until about a year or so ago. I don't know if this really counts as harassment, but it did make me not feel safe by myself as a teenager and into my twenties since I'm a woman. Though... probably my anxiety is to blame for that.

Thanks to my anxiety problems I don't leave the house that often so I don't experience much outside contact anymore beyond occasional doctor and bank visits and when I go volunteer at the preschool I substitute for.

 

[MyLifeIsCake]

Thankfully nothing physical happened to me this year, (probably cause I started being blunt and outright with people) but in the past I have been touched, grabbed, called at, etc. I don't ever recall anything significant happening in public, but at school one time some guy I was sitting next to decided to reach under the desk grab my ***** for no reason, while he asked me a a lot of inappropriate questions. Unfortunately, I was in eighth grade and shy so I didn't really say or do anything just nodded it off, but if that were today I would have sent his **** up his *******.


edit: Ach. The post above me reminded me there was something that happened this year. It wasn't outright directed twords me but a lot of girls. In the begging of the year there was a guy on my bus who would take up an entire seat everyday and sit alone playing his 3DS facing the aisle where people walked on. Well, I started noticing a snapping sound every time certain people walked by.( At first I thought he was just taking screenshots of his game, like you can do with some of the games) Then I started to realize that it was directed at people passing by, specifically just girls. And it was going on for weeks and no one noticed! Finally one day when I got on the bus and heard the snap I went off on him and called him out telling him you can't just take pictures of people without telling him, especially girls walking by. His face got super red and a couple other girls joined in. Haven't seen him do it since and everyday I get on the bus I give him the stink eye.

 

[Gusmanak]

Er, a friend of mine continues to like do weird/sexual things that you could call groping.

It feels really unneeded and uncomfortable since i'm only asexual towards guys and my crush was right there.

 

[Katattacc]

I have been catcalled more times than I care to remember. Like somebody else mentioned here earlier, it's not because I'm ~amazingly attractive~, it's because sadly it seems to be a common thing for some men to do. The creepiest thing about it is that I probably received more unwanted male attention from ages 13-16, from older men. Being naive at the time I used to take it as a compliment. If it happens to me now it makes me really angry because I'm more aware of why they think it's acceptable to do it! I'd really love to have the confidence to shout something insulting at them but I usually just grit my teeth and powerwalk off haha. I've been followed home, had people grope me in crowds, had sober men try lead me away from my friends when I've been out drinking... it's horrible, and reading how many people have to deal with this is even more so :c

Yep! Same stuff that happens to me all the time, you just elaborated it better . And Now that I think about it I did get a lot more cat calls, looks, and comments when I was younger than I do now ( I am 23). I think it is because I was younger and these men knew that and knew they could get away with it because I was too young to know any better. Now that I am a bit older I think it intimidates men because they know they can't get away with acting like that and still expect me to take them seriously

- - - Post Merge - - -

I've had my fair share of catcalling/wolf-whistling since around the age of 13 and it still happens now. I've also had people grope my butt in bars before and walk off when I am just standing there ordering a drink and not wearing anything revealing. It makes me so uncomfortable and I have no idea why some people think it's okay to treat random women (or men) they see in public like that.

YES! I can totally relate.

 

[Tao]

I'm male so I can't get sexually harassed *sarcasm*




There's only a few times I've been 'significantly' sexually harassed. (I'll put 'em in spoilers to split them up and make it less messy)

Spoiler

I got a few comments and 'felt up' quite a few times when I had long hair, since they obviously thought I was female from the back (my general 'figure hiding' clothing probably didn't help either). Needless to say, a few of them got a little violent seconds later as though it was my fault they're stupid and as though it was my fault the accidentally harassed a man.

Though I think those cases were pretty funny since they thought they were doing it to a woman, only for me to turn around and reveal a handsome beard.

Spoiler

One girl kind of stalked me for a few months and kept trying to be physical or ask me inappropriate things when I had absolutely no interest. It caused problems with my then girlfriend because, well, it's something that would cause problems and she really didn't seem to care about my relationship status either (note: even if I was single, I would have said "no"). Dunno what happened to her, she just kind of 'disappeared' one day without a trace. Hopefully she went to another country...

She legitimately used "I'm fertile" in an effort to get me to go to her place...Like, really, just no...

Spoiler

There was another girl that was just a bit of a slut. She did a lot of inappropriate things that made me feel pretty uncomfortable. She just generally acted like a slut with every guy in the group. Yano, asking/saying inappropriate things, inappropriate physical actions, the usual 'sexual' stuff. I just really couldn't stand her and it seemed like she did this stuff to me the most, which didn't help.

Funny thing is, the only reason she was there in the first place was that one of our friends kind of 'pawned her off' on us because he couldn't get rid of her and then we didn't see him for about a month...It took us like an hour to realize why he wanted to get rid of her and it took like 2 weeks for us to do the same. We 'gave her' to some other people and started hanging out somewhere else.

Spoiler

There was one gay guy that kept coming onto me really strongly for a few weeks, somehow turning up in all the places I went to (again, stalking) and doing things I really wasn't cool with. Getting all 'touchy' and in my personal space, or just simply commenting or asking questions I wasn't comfortable with. I'm not even sure who he was or how he kept appearing since even my friends only vaguely knew who he was. He pretty much ignored me telling him to stop it so I ended up punching him in the middle of a club where people around us came to the conclusion that it was because I'm homophobic, when in reality I just didn't appreciate being harassed.

I only tend to remember/mention the cases where I've either been made to feel genuinely uncomfortable or when I've been attacked for not being a sexy lady.
Other times I really don't take it that seriously since the 'rare comment' or 'casual flirt' isn't worth getting worked up about (in my opinion)...Though I don't tend to take much seriously in general.

 

[Officer Berri]

I hate when people say men can't get sexually harassed. It just goes to show that they think that women are the only thing worth sexually harassing in my eyes. That or "men don't get sexually harassed! They WANT to be like that with all women!" Makes me sick.

): I'm sorry you've gone through stuff like that! It's absolutely ignorant that only women can be victims.

 

[Mahoushoujo]

the only experience ive had is cat calling p sure, but i remember one time when i was younger me and my sister were at the store and this old man kept staring at my sister weirdly ( uhh she was wearing shorts i think) and i got rlly uncomfortable but i was too scared to do anything :///

 

[infinikitten]

yes, but this is problem is overshadowed by real terrible situations. I feel men are quick to add in these scenarios when talking about the rights of women. You don't see people demeaning victims of theft by "sometimes people falsely accuse others of stealing" even if it does happen.

I don't mean to offend you, but "false accusations" is not the topic of the thread. Again, please if I offended you, I'm sorry! But your post slightly unsettled me.

As you can see, so many women on this board have experience REAL and terrible things, and that's incredibly saddening.

Agreed. False accusations have no place in this thread and it was incredibly rude for someone to come in here going on about "real problems" vs catcalls. Microaggressions are a thing and it can be a terrifying experience to be followed around a block at night or have strangers yell obscene things at you when you're walking alone. Those are problems. They are valid. Don't you dare tell other people that their experiences don't matter. (General "you" here.)

Again, this issue is extremely close to my heart so I have to curtail my participation here. I'll leave you all with this infographic. You want sources? PM me. I'mma get hostile if I see anyone take it further in the dismissive and/or victim-blaming direction to put it plainly so I'm out.

Spoiler

To everyone in this thread who's experienced any form of sexual harassment or assault, I am so, so sorry. And please don't blame yourselves. If you need to talk, I'm around.

 

[kayleee]

Agreed. False accusations have no place in this thread and it was incredibly rude for someone to come in here going on about "real problems" vs catcalls. Microaggressions are a thing and it can be a terrifying experience to be followed around a block at night or have strangers yell obscene things at you when you're walking alone. Those are problems. They are valid. Don't you dare tell other people that their experiences don't matter. (General "you" here.)

Again, this issue is extremely close to my heart so I have to curtail my participation here. I'll leave you all with this infographic. You want sources? PM me. I'mma get hostile if I see anyone take it further in the dismissive and/or victim-blaming direction to put it plainly so I'm out.

Spoiler

View attachment 88705

To everyone in this thread who's experienced any form of sexual harassment or assault, I am so, so sorry. And please don't blame yourselves. If you need to talk, I'm around.

I agree 100%. Thank you for posting that image, it is super important for people to realize the reality of these things.

 

[Cam1]

I have never been harrassed, but one of my friends was. We were walking back to class from lunch and some dude squeezed her butt, so she proceded to slap him and walk away.

 

[Eldin]

I live in a rural area where I know everyone, so catcalls aren't really an issue. But guaranteed every time I go downtown I will run into some creeps.

Last weekend my friend, her sister, and I were walking down the street back to my car and some guy started following/talking to us. Like "oh hey there's all the pretty girls", etc etc. As I was getting in my car he was like, "oh looks like somebody got daddy's car today". I just hollered out the window, "I bought this car, you prick" and peeled off.

That's the only kind of thing I encounter around here. Or being randomly groped/grinded on at clubs occasionally. One time a guy followed me and my cousin around screaming "lesbians!" at us at the top of his lungs, pretty sure he was a little bit out of it. I don't let it bother me, but honestly it can be very scary when it happens and you're alone, or at night. Because usually people will like follow you while they're trying to talk to you and it's very intimidating/aggressive. So it's frustrating when people think it's just "complimenting" and not a big deal. Or that it has to do with being attractive/what you're wearing, this has happened to me a ton of times in the winter when I'm wearing a massive coat/hat/etc or running around in sweatpants. It does not matter.