let's talk about adulting!

[lyradelphie04]

Hey all!!

Now that I know there's so many more people than silly teenagers (like me! don't take offense lol) I'd love to ask some questions about life and adulting!!

Recently... a very unfortunate event has placed me in the position of helping my mother figure out how to pay bills, mowing the lawn, fixing things around the house, and more or less manning up, since out of everyone in my house the smallest girl is apparently the strongest heheh.

Anyways... for you adults out there, what are your words of wisdom? Did you apply for college? What was/is college like? How do you find people to date if you don't want to use the internet and you're no longer in school? Is work as gossipy as school? What kind of jobs do you have, and why did you choose them? Any advice on dorm/apartment roomies? What's your bill-paying and organization system? Do you own a home or rent? Do you own a car or lease? What leads you to these decisions?

Here's a great opportunity to talk about your adulting life and share your experiences and give some advice to a poor, clueless 17-year-old girl :')

 

[AshdewCrossing]

Hey there! I'm so sorry about the unfortunate event and I hope that everything works out for you and your family. Best of luck and take care
I'm only a few years older than you are so maybe I've not got the exact "adult" perspective you were looking for but here's a few words from someone who was your age not too long ago.
University is great if you're in a situation where you're able to go, however I'm not from the US so I don't have much to say about the application process/dorms/student debt.
The biggest difference between university and high school is that in university, you don't have teachers telling you "finish this chapter by x day", or "do this worksheet by x day". Your professors will deliver the content, and the rest is up to you.
Everyone grows out of the high school kind of 'behind their back' gossip. Or at the very least, stop caring about it.
Get in the habit of budgeting your money and find the discipline to stick to it! Dedicate a % to your savings and plan out your other expenses. Find your balance between treating yourself and unnecessary expenditure.

Hope this helps!

 

[Imbri]

I'm sorry that you are being forced into all of this so quickly. You should only have to worry about finishing high school (if you're still attending. being 17, I would guess you are), getting into college, and finding a summer job.

If you can, do go to college. It's much easier to continue than to take time off and try to go back. Not saying it's impossible, but once you get into the work force, your time is harder to carve out. I went to commuter colleges, so I can't help you on the dorm front. Maybe someone else has advice there.

Dating? That tends to happen when you least expect it. I know that sounds totally romcom, but it's true. A friend of a friend or someone in a store. I met my guy at work when he came in as a customer.

Work can be gossipy and have cliques. Best thing to do is to steer clear of it. Be friendly, but remember that they are coworkers, not friends. There are exceptions, but good rule of thumb is to keep your private life out of work. You know, common sense stuff.

I've set up most of my bills (mortgage, utilities) to autopay. My mortgage has a plan that I got into early on that breaks my payment up into weekly installments (if you get paid every 2 weeks, you could do that), so they take it out the Monday after my check goes in. A couple of nice things about that - 1) you don't have to remember to write a check/transfer funds, and 2) 5-week months. There are 4 "extra" weeks, so that money goes into a savings and applied directly to principle at the end of the year. It can save you serious money over the course of the loan.

If you pay your bills manually, round up. Yes, you will have a credit, but that can be a good thing when money gets tight (holiday season?) If you have a credit card, do the same thing. Even an extra $10 can make a difference over time.

I own my car, mainly because I keep them for long periods. My current is an '09 and will run for another 10 years or so, with maintenance. I hate payments. If you live in an area that has good public transportation, you may not need one, though. It all depends on where you are and need to go.

The biggest thing to remember is that you will make mistakes. You aren't expected to do everything on your own, so ask for help. I'm 51 and still learning how to manage things, so don't beat yourself up if you slip. Just learn from it and move on.

 

[cIementine]

hey, i don't have much advice to offer and i'm not much older than you but just want to say i found myself in a somewhat similar position last year with my mother! going through such a big life change, processing my own emotions about it, being a source of both comfort and practical help for my mum while balancing a new job and school work sounds like so much in hindsight but at the time i had no choice but to deal with the tasks at hand, and i think i benefitted from realising my own resilience and practicality. just try your best at the things you've never had to do before and work together, and don't be afraid to admit it if things are getting too much for you, you have a lot on your plate!! there's a youtube tutorial for everything out there. i wish you all the best!

 

[Dawnpiplup]

I'm not an adult yet by any means, but I just want to say that I think this thread is a great idea - I might be looking for some advice here myself!

Also I'm sorry for your unfortunate situation, but I am most certain that you will push on through. If you want to talk to someone, don't hesitate to ask me alright? Best wishes to you love ❤

 

[LadyDestani]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can sympathize as I had to grow up early too. I come from a dysfunctional family and my mom has mental and physical health issues. At only 8 years old, I became the person my mom relied on most. So by the time I was your age, I already practically felt like a full-on adult.

I would highly recommend going to college if it's at all possible. I was not able to go right after high school and entered the work force instead. I always told myself I'd go to college later, but life has a way of getting in the way so I never did end up going. It's one of my biggest regrets because a degree is needed for so many jobs now (it was only a plus back when I graduated high school). So I'm now stuck in my job/industry because the only thing I have going for me is experience. I know some people do go back to college. Some of my coworkers did, but I could tell it was difficult for them, cramming study sessions into lunch breaks, staying late to work on assignments because they had too many distractions at home like kids. As for myself, it was a matter of never having both the time and money at the same time. I was either working way too much overtime or we were going through a difficult time financially. So it's best to get college out of the way if you can because it's not a guarantee later.

For vehicles, I always prefer to own versus lease. The amount of money you pay to lease just to have to give the car back later with nothing to show for it feels like a waste. A good car can last you 10, 15, or 20 years or more. You may have to make payments for the first couple of years, but after that you own it and you're free to sell or trade it as you wish. Just be sure to do your research when buying a vehicle. You can still end up with a lemon, but if you put the time and effort into finding a reliable brand/model, you'll be much better off.

On the other hand, renting is probably the way to go when it comes to getting your first place. Rent is often cheaper than a mortgage, plus some places will throw in free utilities like water, trash and even electricity if you're lucky. Buying a house requires a hefty down payment, property taxes, and all utilities and upkeep/maintenace are your own responsibility. It's a lot of work and money so it's better to start by renting just to get comfortable with things and learn your budget before taking a big step like buying a house.

I can't really speak much about roommates because my only roommates have been an ex and my husband. But I think it's probably safer to go into a living situation with people you can trust like friends or significant others. I have known people whose roommates were a nightmare and wouldn't pay their fair share or skipped out on chores all the time.

As far as managing money, I started by figuring out my budget. I took my paychecks and calculated how much I earned monthly. Then I subtracted all of my potential expenses: rent/mortgage, utilities, car payment, insurance, groceries, gas, etc. I overestimated whenever I was unsure. That way I was able to figure out if I could afford something before getting in over my head. For banking, I use direct deposit and online banking to keep up with all of my payments. I'm able to see several weeks in advance what bills will be coming up so I can calculate how much I can spend on luxuries.

Finally, you will want good credit because it's used for so many things. I was denied an apartment on my first try because I literally had no credit. I built up my credit by getting a small credit card, only using it for things I already had the money for, and paying it off each month. Just don't go overboard with the credit. It's a slippery slope if you don't have good self-control.

I hope that's helped some. If you read all of that, kudos to you. LOL

 

[Lightmare]

hi!! i'm sorry about your situation it must feel like such a whirlwind being thrown into things so fast but thankfully i'm glad that people are already helping out! i don't know if i can provide much advice, but i do go to a public university in california and am going into my junior undergraduate year. choose your roommates wisely!! i know sometimes you might not be able to help it, but if you do decide to go to college(FAFSA for financial aid!! and scholarships whenever possible!) then be sure to choose your roommates wisely as a bad roommate can really ruin your experience. i recommend going on a facebook page of the college of whatever year you might graduate in and look for roommates there! talk about rules and basic etiquette like dishes, how you're going to manage the trash(we had a whiteboard thing where we put a magnet under the name of whose it was to take out the kitchen trash), when you should be quiet, asking before using each other's stuff, asking about people coming over beforehand, etc

start on your college applications EARLY!!! like, seriously, do them as early as possible. if you're applying to a lot of colleges(it can get expensive though) , then the amount of essays do add up. as for classes, the workload definitely depends on the major that you choose. students in the STEM sector have a harder time usually with course workload(i'm majoring in applied mathematics and computer science), so time management is kEEEEEY!! attend your lectures, attend discussions, contact your TAs(teaching assistants) and do everything you can to keep your GPA up because if you want to apply for study abroad and you don't maintain a moderate GPA, then you might not make the qualifications to go OR even get into some student organizations(like certain professional fraternities and sororities, not kidding).
that leads me to my next point: student orgs and clubs! be SURE to get into some organizations as it helps a lot with maintaining a social life! makes you happier when you have more friends and about making friends, everyone is new to college in their first year and there are lots of transfers, so just reach out! and again, join clubs.

as other people have already said, it's good to have some credit history because it helps with making purchases that you might not be able to afford otherwise and it qualifies you for things like loans when you need them. having a good credit history also allows you to qualify for decreased interest rates and fees which allows you to save more money!

 

[MyLifeIsCake]

I'm a young adult (21) , so I don't know how much I can add to help you here since I was in your position about 4 years ago. I still live in my parents house so I can't really speak for the moving out/rent stuff.

I feel like there is no magical threshold that you cross from kid to adult, you just suddenly are. The biggest difference I'd say is that you're expected to hold more responsibilities, but you also have to be responsible for yourself.

For college I'd recommend starting at a community college and seeing what you'd be interested in. It's much cheaper than hopping into university and you can get a taste of college life on a smaller scale. Often times you can even transfer credits to a University if want to further your education. Try to attend an orientation and talk to the people there.

Learn to cook and plan meals. You have no idea how many people I know that spend $50+ a week just on eating out. Its fine once in a while, but getting takeout all the time is not healthy for you or your wallet. Find some good recipes for things you like, and plan some meals according to that.

At school/work, make connections. One of my biggest regrets was losing contact with people I knew. You can still make friends with people you know from work/school, but its harder make time with them when everyone is also on a schedule. Clubs/Study groups are good places to start. Also, don't be afraid to share your goals/achievements with someone. Never know when someone might be in a position where they need someone with certain skills/interest and they'll think of you.

Credit cards - Only use 'em if you absolutely know you can pay them off every month. They are useful for building credit, but be careful. I use one strictly for groceries and gas. A lot of people think it's just a magic money card and go crazy with it. In reality, if you don't pay off the amount you charged every month it adds interest to what you owe. Yeah it seems cool to only pay X amount for something you really wanted, but with interest added you actually end up spending more than if you just saved up and bought it outright. Remember: You don't own anything until it's paid off.

Prepare to be rejected. From schools, from jobs, from dates, plans, etc. It hurts, but its not always your fault. Maybe it wasn't a good time for that person, maybe the job can't fill anymore positions, it happens. Its okay to be disappointed but don't let yourself spiral because of it.

And know that just because you're an adult doesn't mean you have everything together immediately. I know it seems like being an adult, you should have your s**t together, but in reality a lot of older people don't. That's okay, it's a process. You'll always keep figuring stuff out, and never stop learning~

 

[aloherna]

Hi, I am a 24 year old adult (feel so damn old lol)
It must be difficult to be in that situation, it’s very sweet of you to help your mother she is very lucky to have you.

my best advice would be to start at community college near home, apply for financial aid, and see if there are any scholarships you can apply for (they have a lot of different types). Work on your general ed first while you figure out what you would like to do ( learned this the hard way as I changed my major twice). Always rent books because they are way cheaper and check if your school has any book grants so that you may get them free. Don’t quit school, even if you for whatever reason have to take a semester off, do what you must but never quit.

College is very different than high school, in all of my time taking classes I’ve never stayed friends with anyone in my classes. I like to talk to those near me and exchange numbers or have them on Snapchat but I’ve never actually made plans with them . This could be because I don’t live on campus and go to a community college. I have a friend who lives on campus of a university and she seems to have made a lot of friends, from what I’ve heard from her your roommates will almost never be your friends.

The jobs I’ve had have always been very gossipy, I have part time jobs at the mall, office jobs and even warehouse jobs at amazon, it’s all been about the same amount of gossip lol.

As for credit cards I would recommend only getting one (I have 5 and it’s hell) only use it for small purchases so you don't have to owe so much.

At the moment my fiancé and I are renting an apartment and we own one car, it’s a very old car but it gets us where we need to be. We don’t really want to get a new car until all of our credit cards are paid off and maybe until we move out of where we are now. New cars are a luxury.

Lastly, you probably aren’t thinking of this now but it’s important to always think of retirement and have a plan and save accordingly.

 

[Mayor Ng]

I'm turning 25 this coming December and already considered midway through the stage of being a young adult (assumingly 20-30).

First of all, I'm sorry that the pandemic is causing mental havoc and economical woes for everyone including yourself. Take pride that you are stepping up in helping your family out during tough times I come from a dysfunctional family and have learnt to be independent since I was 5 (long story).

Let's answer your questions next:
Colleges & Universities:
- I graduated from an American curriculum-based international school in Thailand and got my diploma certificate. Got above average SAT scores and multiple offers from American universities but I did not like the liberal art (flexible to choose your courses as long as you get enough credits to graduate) vibe of the American education system and rather liked the British intensive-based (your courses are planned out for you and very specialized to what you want to study) education system.
- The pro about the American system is that you have the flexibility to decide later on about what you would like to graduate in and the con is you are not too specialized, the pro about the British system is that you are highly specialized in a particular field when you graduate and the con is that it is very hard to change interest once invested and most likely you'll have to start over. Most universities worldwide follow this two education systems. Note: I'm not sure if this applies everywhere but in my case, I had to take a year of foundation (pre-university courses) when I made the switch from American to British education system and couldn't just start my bachelors right away.
- I'm not from the USA and do not know how the financial aid and scholarship system works there but I do know America has one of the highest student debt in the whole world so that's worrisome
- I took Foundation in Commerce (business) in college and later discovered I didn't like the corporate world so much when I took a gap year right after and opt for hospitality instead and graduated with Bachelors (with honours) in International Hospitality Management with a double degree certification by Le Cordon Bleu. I would advise if you are financially capable to take a gap year or a few months off after high school to figure out what you really want to do or envision what you want your future to be like.
- University experience is rather unique as you are treated as an adult and attend classes and examinations by yourself as opposed to high school. You are often left to your own devices, self-motivation is very important in university! Group projects can be a hassle and a headache if you get grouped with lazy and unmotivated members (even the least brighest students are more helpful and hardworking - tip!).
- For accomodation, I would recommend staying at the university dormitories (a little more pricier but you get security and support). After a year, you would have met people that have good household etiquette and can move out together with them to seek cheaper accomodation. The most important thing I think a good housemate would need to have is hygiene, I could deal with other headaches but not a dirty home.

Dating:
I met my wife-to-be in high school while I was a senior and she a junior. So I do not have any advise in how to go out and find a partner. My only advise is to often be aware of your surroundings and take notice if someone might potentially like you. Not to always look for perfection in your boyfriend or partner-to-be because they're only human. Most importantly and the secret to my long and enduring relationship is trust and honesty, the only way to get trust is via honesty and honesty is ingrained in a person's character. One could say that a trait of a good man is a honesty.

Work:
- Work comes with its own separate level of intensity and stress. In school, you worry about exams and assignment deadlines but after, it is all fun and game. On the other hand, in a work environment, there is no deadline (unless you are given targets and goals) but productivity is always required.
- Politics are always at play in a work place (usually power play) and my advise is to steer clear when you can and be a neutral party. Even if you get into trouble for not being on either side, it might actually save your job. Gossip is a mainstay, as long as there is a society or community, gossip will always endure.
- I mostly work in hotels and resorts and I graduated in this particular field but currently, my next job is being postponed because the pandemic is causing havoc in the hospitality industry. There is nothing glamourous about working in this industry, you have irregular shifts, ungrateful guests and wages are not very high compared to other industries but the joy it brings you to be able to see people (often times from faraway lands) smile and relax is rewarding.
- I currently work as an online elementary math teacher. Note: life is unpredicted and the things you plan out for yourself might not be what will transpire but there is always a way. I am actually finding this work rewarding as I'm imparting knowledge to children that will grow up to one day be somebody

Finances:
- It is important to not fall into credit card debt. I would not recommend having a credit card, it enables you to spend beyond your means. Nowadays, debit card is very versatile and can be used for online transactions. Debit card only takes from the amount of money that you have in your bank and if you are short, a transaction would fail. It is a good way to keep track of your money if you do not otherwise monitor it.
- Keep an excel sheet that monitors your allowances and expenses. I have an excel sheet with formulas taking percentages of my income to be saved for a rainy day or in times of emergency such as during this current pandemic. TIP: spend after saving and not save after spending.
- Learn to live without alcohol (saves you a ton of money). Do not fall into drugs or smoking (bad for health and a primary source of debt). Learn to live without new things (if things are taken care of, they will last longer and often times, new things are not required, thus saving you money from having to get new things).

Home & Car:
- I just graduated not long ago and was about to start a new chapter with my new job but since it is postponed, I am not able to move out from my parent's place (I pay rent and do not freeload). Do not be ashamed of living with your parents, it saves you a lot of money that you can then used to purchase a small house or pay deposit for a house without having to get bank loans (debt). TIP: in life, if you have cash, you have more leverage on bargaining. For example, if you proposed to pay upfront, a house value can be bargained for a cheaper value (can be applied for cars too).
- I do not own a car. Unless you live in an area without good public transportation, do not get a car. The maintenance fees, taxes, insurances and other miscellanous expenses will slowly built up and the car ages. It is a liability and not an asset. Getting a new car is better than getting a secondhand car. The reasoning is that it costs more in the long run to maintain a secondhand car than a new car.

My advice in life is to not be afraid of trying, even if you failed, atleast you tried. Never assumed you should be old enough to know something, it is all about experiences, we are all toddlers until we have experiences with things in life. Be humble and things will often go your way rather than being forceful and cold.

Hope these insights find you well. Have a good day and stay safe!

 

[InkFox]

Bumping this topic because I find it interesting to read about everyone's life experiences.

I just turned 26 a few days ago and I don't feel as much as an adult as I would want to.

I'm from France so things are different here compared to what you might experience in the US, for we have a good health care system, almost free university (free when you don't have much money like me and about 500€/year when you can afford it, I'm talking about normal university, not big schools and stuff)... etc but well, I'll still share my experience. (Sorry for my broken English, I feel like it's getting worse by the day I dunno why...)

College

Spoiler

I definitely recommend going to college if you can, it looks like a tough choice to make in the US because of the crazy registration fees so I don't know how you deal with that out there, but if you can afford it, you should do it. It does not mean anything anymore here in France because there are many people with a lot of diplomas who cannot find a job or have a job that does not match their qualifications, but well, it's always a bonus on your CV. Here, many jobs require you to have at least a Bachelor's degree, no matter what subject you graduated in, so, yeah, quite useful.

I went the lazy way and chose a major in which I knew I would be comfortable enough not to have to overdo it. Don't do that haha, choose something you love, like or are at least interested in and work for it. I don't regret my choice, and I've learned quite a lot of stuff, but it feels quite useless today. Go further than a bachelor's degree if you can.

Stay at your parents' during college if you can, it will help a great deal when it comes to expenses and stuff, I don't recommend working and studying at the same time, even though I know sometimes we just don't have much of a choice.

Abroad

Spoiler

Once I turned 21 and graduated, I left home and went to Southern China. I just wanted/needed to leave everything behind and discover new things, meet new people etc. I didn't have any money when I left (I had gathered just enough to buy myself a plane ticket and maybe survive a few months, cuz life is inexpensive out there), I could barely speak a word of Mandarin, and I only knew one person out there (whose French was pretty bad and who went back to France a month after my arrival). This has, and by far, been my greatest life experience ever. The first few months were really hard : I was not used to the weather, I could barely express myself or understand the locals (who were really nice !), I did not know anybody, I was scared of cockroaches & spiders... I enrolled at the university to study Chinese (and discovered that if there is one thing that is expensive in China, it's the uni fees haha, nothing compared to the US but still...), became fluent in a few months, took wushu classes everyday (I had practiced for a few years in France and went to my teacher's mother's wushu school), found a part time job (illegal cuz no work visa) to make some money to survive, made friends... I thought I'd stay for a year and I ended up spending about 3 years out there (and I would have probably stayed longer if I had not met my boyfriend when I came back to France for the winter holidays).

All that just to say that if you can travel, and spend some time abroad do it. You do not need a lot of money, you do not need to be scared, if you want to do it, just do it while you can. It'll get much harder to do so once you have a job/kids/whatever. It's an unforgettable experience which will help you grow, get more mature and more self reliable. And I say that as a very shy and not self confident person, you don't need to be bold to make life changing experiences. If it doesn't work for you, you can just go back home.

Housing

Spoiler

I have experienced living with flatmates both in China and in France. Depending on who you live with it can either be a good experience, or the worst decision of your life. I'm a rather solitary person so I don't really enjoy community life, I like to be alone at home and not have to worry about others while I'm in my little bubble. So that is one of the reasons why I did not like the experience. But if you struggle financially, this is indeed a solution, and if you feel lonely or don't think you're ready to live alone just now, it can help. Just make sure you're on the same page with your roommates.
In China, my roommate would always party, day or night, and I didn't have a say in it, I was more or less just renting a room in his flat. He was a very nice guy but it was hell to live under the same roof, even more when I discovered that we did not have the same definition of "cleaning"...

In France I experienced bigger colocations. Always in houses in the countryside, both with really great people. One did not work out because the rules were not clear enough, and there were a lot of untold things. When you live with people, communication is the key. The second one was very well organized with a very clear set of rules and money management. Food was in common but we would all put the same amount of money each month for it. We would often gather together to discuss what worked and what did not and how we could make it better and so it ensured a smooth experience for everybody. But as I said, not being much of a social being, I quickly found it to be very tiring.

Don't be roommates with friends, it's the best way to drift apart and get mad at each other for the smallest things...

Dating

Spoiler

I've only ever had one boyfriend which is the one I'm with now and whom I met at my wushu school in France, so I'm not very reliable on the subject. But as it has been said, it happens when you expect it the least. Taking part in activities like music, theater, sports, arts or whatever you're interested in are a good way to meet new people.
I don't have much to say except that once again, communication is the key here. You have to talk things through when something is going wrong and try to find solutions to work around it, keeping unsettling/ negative feeling to yourself is the best way to create a big storm you might regret later.

My situation on the matter is quite unusual as we have more or less started living together as soon as we met (I did not have a place to stay as I was only here on holidays at first), and that's with him that I experienced the two colocations I talked about. The other thing is, him being 9 years older than myself, he already has a son (which was 4 years old when we met) which he cares for on week-ends and holidays. If this ever happens to you, you have to be ready for it haha. Raising a child is hard. Raising one that is not yours is even harder because you do not have that parent-child connection that will make you love them whatever they do haha. Even if I got along well with the kid from the start, sharing is hard, it really is, and children take a lot of space. A WHOLE LOT OF SPACE. Even well raised ones.

But well, the first 6 months were rather stormy on a lot of subjects, we were both "broken" human beings with a lot of unsolved issues, and it took a while to work things through. It involved a lot of talking, a lot of anxiety crises for my solitary unused to sharing/dating self, but communication made its magic and more than two years later it only keeps getting smoother and better. So yeah, COMMUNICATE, talk things through, even little things, even when things go well.
Getting our own house was a big relief too, living with other people can be quite hard when you're a couple. We are renting and don't feel ready to buy anything just yet, cuz none of us has a stable financial situation, but it's ok.

Work

Spoiler

I still don't know what I want to do with my life. I've been a French teacher for kids and university students and an English teacher for 2-5 yrs old in China. I loved it but I know I could not do it 8 hours a day, 5 days a week for years, one kid at a time is ok, a whole class is exhausting, two mornings a week and a would be completely dead and energyless.

I am now a cook in a cafe/restaurant, I started working there cuz the cook was a friend of mine and knew I loved cooking and was looking for a job, so he offered to teach me and another guy. When he left he got replaced with another amazing person, and for a year it has been the most amazing job on planet earth, even though the pay was the absolute minimum.

But then a new guy was hired, a cliché of the "professionnal" cook. It didn't take more than a month for my two co-workers to quit and search for another job, I'm the only one who stayed because I was afraid of being unemployed. He replaced them with a friend of his, another cliché of the professionnal cook as I said, and hell thus began for me. I had never been so anxious about work before, never ever had I been treated like that before. They changed everything (now say hello to unhappy customers) to fit their vision of the "perfect" kitchen, and I just can't find my place anymore. It's very hard for me to work with them, and I know it's hard for them to work with me, I'm a hyper sensitive person and it is everything but compatible with their way of working. When my former coworkers perfectly understood that, they just don't. Moreover the girlfriend of the first one got hired on the service side so, even though I get along really well with the rest of the team (among which many say they would have quit had they been in my situation), my mind is never at ease cuz one of those three always finds a way to find even the tiniest detail I might have done wrong and get back at me for it.

So yeah, 8 months of this and I just can't do it anymore, and here I am not daring to quit and not knowing what to do with my life at 26 years old. If I listened to my mum, I would be the best at every job in the world, but when I listen to myself I feel like I'm not really good at anything haha...

I don't know what I'm trying to say other than yeah, you might go through a lot of jobs that do not suit you before finding the one for you. And even then, you can never be sure that things will not change. Be smarter than me, if things go wrong, don't stay there, just leave.

Car

Spoiler

I got my driver's license about 6 months ago, and only decided to get it because we were not living in the city and I was tired of hitchhiking to go to work. But my advice is not to wait until you actually need it, get done with it as soon as you can, so that when you really need it you don't have to go through the effort of having to learn everything from scratch before being able to drive.
Don't buy a new car, it's too expensive, but take someone who knows their stuff with you if you buy a second hand car. Don't just go alone not knowing what to look for or be careful about. If you do not need one for your everyday transportation, do not feel like you HAVE to buy one, it's a big investment and it can quickly make big holes in your budget. Paying for the gas, repairing it cuz something always goes wrong at the worst possible time, paying for the insurance... it's a huge money gap. I absolutely love driving, but if I could do without a car, I definitely would.

Food (totally biased point of view...)

Spoiler

Learn to cook, don't buy ready-made food, it's really bad for you and for the environment (always wrapped in plastic), and it's more expensive. Choose quality ingredients over cheap ones, once again, it's better for your health and tastes better. You can make big batches of food so that you have enough for the week or put some in the freezer for later, like that if you don't have much time, you do not have to cook too often.

For your own health and for the future of the world we live in, I would recommend to pay attention to what you buy, transformed products are pretty bad in every kind of way. If you can buy locally grown and organic food, do not hesitate, you'll be in much better health and so will the planet. Try to learn how to cook without meat, it can be a big money saver, learn about legumes like lentils, split peas and stuff, learn to cook vegetables, it's really not that hard and it is very enjoyable. Cut on sugar and sodas, I don't have a sweet tooth so it was very easy for me, but it's better for your health and for your wallet.

I, for one, buy my vegetables with a local market gardener (way less expensive than the ones you would buy in a supermarket), and shop at and organic food market. It might be a bit extreme (but I believe it is necessary) but I banned everything wrapped in plastic from my alimentation so I buy mostly bulk products as it's easily available on organic food markets. I eat meat maybe once a week (sometimes twice, most of the time not at all), I enjoy it better that way and I'm in much better health than most of my friends. Being careful about what we eat is not impossible and is less expensive than we think it is. I earn about 900 euros a month (min wage is +-1200€/month but I don't work full time) and so does my boyfriend, and we manage to eat organic, locally grown, plastic free food everyday of the month, as well as feed his child and our four cats, so I believe it is nowhere near impossible. It's all about the choices you make. I don't drink or smoke (neither does my boyfriend, sure a few beers when friends come over but that's it) so that's a big money saver. I got to experience alcohool when I was younger and just decided that I did not need it (and simply did not like it...).

Money

Spoiler

You can do a lot with little. You will struggle sometimes for sure, but you'll make it through. Avoid unnecessary spendings, but that doesn't mean you should not treat yourself sometimes ! If you can, spare a bit of money every month just in case. I have a credit card but I have asked my bank not to be able to spend more than what I have on it (so I might have transformed it into a debit card haha x)). I've always been kinda good with money so I don't know what advice to give you for I never really had to think about it. I guess I'll just state the obvious that you should not spend it recklessly haha. I chose to have all the internet/electricity/water/insurance/etc expenses automatically debited from my account so that I don't have to think about it, but everytime I get a notification on my phone so I know how much is gone. I have friends who chose to do everything manually and they are often late and end up in trouble (no more internet/electricity... etc), so I'd reather have it done automatically.

I guess that's about it for my experience, I don't know if it'll be of any use for you, I talked about myself a lot, but I guess that's a way to illustrate my advice ? As you can see I'm a full grown adult (kind of) but my life is still quite a mess on some aspects, and I have no idea where I'm going, but I'm happy and, to me, it's all that matters. Listen to what you want more than what the others would want from you. Think about it, think about what kind of human being you want to be and work towards it. Good luck with your life, don't worry too much, don't overthink it, just live, make your own experiences, that's what will make you grow up. You'll get through eventually.

 

[lyradelphie04]

Wow, I never got back to this to say thank you to you all!!

It was incredible to read through your stories and get some insight from people actually out there and getting that bread! I know a lot of this kind of information and advice can be found somewhere on the internet, but it feels more real and reliable when it comes from actual people, ya know?

I've been referencing this thread as I get my future plans together! Thank you for all the kind words and advice, it means a lot to me that you all took the time out of your days to write out all this thoughtful stuff.

@Imbri is a commuter college similar to a community college? Or is it an average four-year university in driving distance?

@LadyDestani and @Lightmare how does credit work exactly? If I were to have a credit card, could I 'build credit' by buying 5-20$ worth of goods a month?

@aloherna does each university have it's own general education requirements? Do you know of any universities that don't require general education?

@Mayor Ng I'd love to hear more about the hospitality industry! I always thought that'd be a nice job, but I was worried about the salary thing. You already stated that wages are not exactly high, but is it enough to make a comfortable living? And for paying rent at your parents (something I would really prefer to do if I end up staying with my mom for a bit after university) what did you do to determine a rent? Do you buy your own food and necessities?

@InkFox I've always been afraid of living abroad without a solid partner to go with, but I find it interesting you went to Southern China! I was actually born there before my parents adopted me. I don't know the language or culture, but I feel like it'd be cool to go there someday. Was the whole communism system difficult to deal with, with them monitoring so much of your daily activities?

Thanks again all!

 

[Imbri]

I'm glad our stories helped. I do wish you the best and that things ease up for you.

A commuter college is basically one that doesn't have dorms or some other form of student housing. They probably have someone who can help with listings for apartments or rooms, but students are responsible for actually making the arrangements.

My community college was very near my house - 20 min. or so, which wasn't a problem. When I transferred, it was to a school almost 2 hours away. I took a room, but hated it so much that I came home and commuted each day. To start, I took a bus (and then the subway), but later found it easier to drive straight in. I don't recommend that long of a commute, but you do what you have to do.

 

[Fjoora]

I think any sort of wisdom I can endow on you will sound the better part of cliche, but understand that we can pep talk you all day, and regardless, it's still going to be difficult. Take solace in your strength, and tackle each day one at a time, if that's all you can manage. We can't carry you, but know that we are struggling alongside of you.

 

[Corrie]

Hiya! I'm 25 and am a Graphic Designer. The price of living is high as you probably know and my city is right close to Toronto, meaning the prices of housing is just insane.

Graphic Designers don't get paid much and I'm sorta fresh out of school so my wage isn't exactly high.

So what do I do?

I just signed a lease for an apartment. I found a smaller one bedroom to rent and can afford it comfortably thankfully. I'd recommend finding a place that might be smaller than what you'd want but can afford. If not, room with a friend or sibling if possible. Splitting bills in half will help lots.

I've had my credit card for two years and have just bought every purchase with it, big or small and paid it off. My score is now 810 from just doing that. Yes, even dollar store purchases lol.

For dating, working at places is helpful. Like part time retail or fast food. That's how I met my recent boyfriend.

Work can be gossipy. It depends on where you work and the people there. Typically places where teens work tend to be worse but there are adults that behave that way too. It's best to get along with your coworkers but also remember that they're your coworkers, not your friends. Still treat it like what it is, a work environment.

Avoid loans if possible and paying bills late. Try saving everything you can, even tiny little bits. I find it easy as I try to avoid buying things I don't need. I actually feel guilty spending money sometimes so I'm at the other end lol. Buy off brands of food when you can to keep that grocery bill down.

I lived at home and my parents kindly allowed me to save a nest egg by not charging me anything for a year after graduating. Then after that year, they charged me $600 a month and that included food. Still cheaper than renting a place on your own. I'd like to own a house considering I have a downpayment, it's just the monthly fees that I can't afford. I can afford the mortgage but after property taxes, mortgage, utilities and food, I'd have like $100 left a month. Not good to live paycheck to paycheck like that. Always expect to pay for expensive emergencies like dental or car. That's why it's super important to save money and prioritize. Obviously you wanna spend money sometimes to have fun but maybe you can wait on that new video game considering you already have five you haven't even touched yet, as an example.

 

[Mayor Ng]

Wow, I never got back to this to say thank you to you all!!

It was incredible to read through your stories and get some insight from people actually out there and getting that bread! I know a lot of this kind of information and advice can be found somewhere on the internet, but it feels more real and reliable when it comes from actual people, ya know?

I've been referencing this thread as I get my future plans together! Thank you for all the kind words and advice, it means a lot to me that you all took the time out of your days to write out all this thoughtful stuff.

@Imbri is a commuter college similar to a community college? Or is it an average four-year university in driving distance?

@LadyDestani and @Lightmare how does credit work exactly? If I were to have a credit card, could I 'build credit' by buying 5-20$ worth of goods a month?

@aloherna does each university have it's own general education requirements? Do you know of any universities that don't require general education?

@Mayor Ng I'd love to hear more about the hospitality industry! I always thought that'd be a nice job, but I was worried about the salary thing. You already stated that wages are not exactly high, but is it enough to make a comfortable living? And for paying rent at your parents (something I would really prefer to do if I end up staying with my mom for a bit after university) what did you do to determine a rent? Do you buy your own food and necessities?

@InkFox I've always been afraid of living abroad without a solid partner to go with, but I find it interesting you went to Southern China! I was actually born there before my parents adopted me. I don't know the language or culture, but I feel like it'd be cool to go there someday. Was the whole communism system difficult to deal with, with them monitoring so much of your daily activities?

Thanks again all!

The hospitality industry is the place to be if you are looking for adventure. Wages really depends on what sort of sector you work in. Since I specialise more in the accomodation sector, I will give you some insights on it. If you work in the frontline (operation side), there will be shift work and wages tend to not be very high but tippage is another story and sometimes you can make more than your entire month worth of wages. I know many colleagues that have refused to accept higher positions because they are already earning much more than what the new position can offer them just from tippage without having the extra responsibilities. Benefits of working in big hotel chains include meal and accomodation (some within the resort or near the hotel), in some cases, you can even travel abroad to other associate hotels for work experience and exchange programs. If you work in the back-of-house (management side), there will not be shift work and you generally work 5-6 days a week on a regular schedule. Responsibilities are much higher but you don't have to deal with hotel guests as much. It's similar to being in a corporate job. Your wages are much higher than the frontliners (without taking into account tippage) and you can climb the career ladder much faster.

As for rent, I pay a quarter or sometimes one-third of the utilities bills. For food and accomodation, I pay however much my parents request but my mom is generous and would rather I stay home and safe and sound than out by my on so she usually just takes money for groceries and let me stay in my own room since it's my own room to begin with. So it's depends on how much your parents want to charge you for rent. People tend to say you are being spoilt and entitled but to me if you have enough money to move out on your own later (get an actual house that you own) then you can officially start your own life without your parents having to worry about your wellbeing since you have your own home and not renting (you never know when a crisis like the ongoing pandemic will occur) and landlords kicking tenants out, it's sad how many homeless people have been created by this pandemic Furthermore, you are paying a big portion of your monthly wages to your landlord and at the end of your leash, you will still not own that house and will have to vacate the premises with your belongings (moving will incur expenses in the future). It can be a small house that's not too expensive that you can afford to move out into and when your career is more further along and you are earning reasonably well, you can always get a bigger house later. I prefer a small house, it's cosy and easy to clean versus a big house

 

[lyradelphie04]

@Mayor Ng I promise this is the last question lol. When it comes to tipping, is there a set amount that people are expected to tip like at restaurants, or is it more of a generosity thing that can be very random? I'm beginning to feel bad for never tipping anyone at hotels but the cleaning people... I didn't realize tips could make such a difference!

 

[Mayor Ng]

@Mayor Ng I promise this is the last question lol. When it comes to tipping, is there a set amount that people are expected to tip like at restaurants, or is it more of a generosity thing that can be very random? I'm beginning to feel bad for never tipping anyone at hotels but the cleaning people... I didn't realize tips could make such a difference!

I'm not sure how it is in America. I went to America once and found the tipping culture there absurb but when I came to realise that employers pay them really low wages and let tips make up for it just left me in disgust I tip them of course between 15-20% but it just made the trip more pricier than I budgeted for because I felt bad for the service people. Sometimes I would get rude customer service but still had to tip them because it was mandatory! In South-East Asia, tipping is not necessary and when you tip someone, it is to show that you appreciate their help and enjoyed their customer service or hospitality. It is rude to ask for tips and we are grateful when we get them and it just reminds us that we have made that person's day. I've been to Japan 4 times and their customer service there is very very good (my sister stays there, so I get to visit often without having to worry about accomodation prices!).

Tippage is something a customer use to show appreciation and gratitude. A good establishment pay their staff well enough that they don't have to depend on tips, so you don't have to blame yourself or feel bad, should blame the employers

 

[Mikaiah]

I've got so much advice stored in my head but I'll probably be redundant since a lot of other people have already said things xD

so I'll answer your questions:

Anyways... for you adults out there, what are your words of wisdom? Did you apply for college? What was/is college like? How do you find people to date if you don't want to use the internet and you're no longer in school? Is work as gossipy as school? What kind of jobs do you have, and why did you choose them? Any advice on dorm/apartment roomies? What's your bill-paying and organization system? Do you own a home or rent? Do you own a car or lease? What leads you to these decisions?

I hope you're in the US because 99% of my advice only applies here lol.

College:
Did I apply ->

Spoiler

Yes. If you're low on finances (struggling) I recommend getting as many scholarships as humanly possible and do not start at a 4-year university. Even in-state, the price of tuition for one semester will be around 8000 USD (depends on school, numbers I give will be specific to me) which will total out to 16,000 USD a year.
At a community college, you can slash that number in half, easily. But still, you need to apply for scholarships. Treat applying for scholarships as your full-time job (aside from being a student), because it is. And it probably pays better than most of them.

How to choose your major >

Spoiler

This is a really tough question. For me, I focused on getting the best path to a successful career, because my plan is to make as much money straight out of college as possible and retire as early as possible (by like 40). It also happened that the field that I was most interested in (engineering) employs and pays well. However, if you cannot handle the rigor of the curriculum (if you want, I can post some examples of what my schoolwork/office work looks like though office stuff will be highly redacted) and/or failed Physics in high school, I would really recommend against it.
If you want a recommendation, though, don't major in pure mathematics or physics unless you have enough passion for those subjects to last you a lifetime as a professor. (Which often means 4-5yr undergrad + 5-6yr PhD + 5-6yr postdoc + x years Associate Prof/fixed term + you'll be 40 and barely tenured). If you're able to accept that reality, by all means I would go for it. But I wouldn't blindly listen to everyone who talks like it's simple or easy or anything like that.
If you're interested in the business side, I would recommend Accounting or Supply Chain Management. SCM would be my first choice. It basically focuses on logistics of purchasing and moving products along the supply chain and is in pretty high demand right now. I didn't really learn that this existed until I went to university, and didn't really accept how important it was until I was working at my internship.

tl;dr - avoid pure sciences/mathematics unless you want to become a professor (engineering is the better major to choose for a career after 4 years, there's a lot of engineering disciplines too, and I'm a student advisor at my uni so I can talk about the options you have ) and if you want to major in business, I would highly recommend looking into supply chain management.

main takeaway - Make sure you look into career options and ask people who have graduated with this major (you can reach out on sites like LinkedIN) what they're doing now and how they got there; at career fairs make sure as a first year, you ask what the recruiter does and what they like/don't like about their job and how they got to the job they did. (usually they don't send "recruiter" recruiters, they'll send people from the engineering team who are generally younger, so more relatable. I super encourage you to talk to them and not to be nervous! Practice asking the questions to yourself out loud so that you won't get tied up when the time comes)
also don't go to a college without career fairs. ok this is bad advice. if your college doesn't have career fairs, chances are your nearby larger university will. You do not need to be a student at the university to attend the career fair hosted. I would check their websites (most notably the career center, if you're in engineering then check if they have an engineering career center) and make plans to attend career fairs if you can.

skip class sparingly - if you're going to 1 career fair and need to skip a day's worth of classes, I'd honestly do it. But if you can afford to go to all your classes, please do.
You can talk to your professors, they will often understand. You have to focus on the future afterall

what is college like >

Spoiler

I'm majoring in chemical engineering, so the life for me is stress piled on stress. Starting in my 2nd year, I had to take very heavy schedules in order to graduate on time.
Lighter fall sem was something like > material and energy balances (super fundamental, if you major in chemical engineering pay attention to this class!!) + differential equations (my professor sucked...) + organic chemistry 1 (good luck, orgo 1 isn't as bad as people say, but orgo 2 hits like a truck) + creative writing (was my only fun class lol, for English requirement)

You'll find that you'll have a lot of bad professors. Especially as the classes get harder, the professors will somehow get worse. Professors at 4-year research universities aren't hired to teach - they're hired to research. This usually means that they can be highly disorganized when teaching or bad at conveying information. If you get a good professor, please cherish them and don't slack off in class. If you have a bad professor, be prepared to self-study a lot of the material.

dating >

Spoiler

i have about 0 advice to give on this so I'll probably stay out of it lol. Don't commit to a long-distance relationship if you can help it though. Speaking from experience here.
I guess I would try to talk to my classmates and form study groups/friend groups and prioritize that over dating.
oop, out of school > I really don't have a ton of advice here, I met my bf in an MMO so I really can't speak much LOL

work gossip >

Spoiler

for the MOST part it will depend on your company culture. At my office, there's pretty much no gossip whatsoever. Maybe sometimes when we all go out for lunch we might air some frustrations about a specific co-worker, but nothing really major.
But I know some companies are more friendly/gossipy. It'll depend on the demographics of the office (avg. age/gender distribution/job/etc.) more than anything else.
usually you can ask about company culture at an interview.

jobs >

Spoiler

i'm on an internship right now (I'll finish my bachelors in spring of 2022) and I cannot, enough, stress the importance of having enough experience before graduating. Any summer internship, research (if you attend a 4yr university), or co-op (a lot of engineers especially take these, basically you take 6-8 months off of school to work) will contribute greatly to your post-grad job search. Talk to your career office, they will help you out a ton (I don't know if community colleges have these) and start as early as you can.

dorm/apartment >

Spoiler

for dorms your freshman year I'd go in blind. For your second year, I'd dorm with one of your friends. 3rd/4th/beyond years I'd get an apartment with a few of your friends, but don't share rooms.
You'll regret sharing rooms, trust me.
But if you want more affordable housing options, stay on campus. You can get a single if your scholarship reqs you to dorm (some do have this requirement).
You can also look into becoming an RA (resident assistant). You'll get free room and board.

bill paying/budgeting >

Spoiler

I automate everything while incurring as few fees as possible (ie. using ACH transfers instead of a credit card if it incurs less fees) and maximizing credit card rewards (ie. I'll use my Capital One Walmart card at walmart since I get 5% cashback, I'll use my Discover with rotating categories when they apply, and I'll use my Citi Doublecash everywhere else for that sweet 2% back. You can only really get approved for these cards with good credit though).
My electric/internet/apartment bills are all on autopay. All my credit cards are on autopay.
I manage my spending through a budgeting app called you need a budget and I honestly can't recommend it enough. I'll give a small example to how I use YNAB:
- My first paycheck for the month comes in. I had budgeted out a portion of my last paycheck to pay for my rent, which I had paid on the 2nd of the month.
- My electric bill isn't due until after my next paycheck, but for peace of mind I'll move 60$ to the electric category to cover it.
- My grocery budget is running low, so I'll allocate 300$ to the grocery category.
- etc etc until my most immediate needs are covered
- Then I usually budget out some money for personal spending.
They have a lot of resources as to how to use the program. It does cost money though ($12) a month but I would still highly recommend trying it out for the 34 day free trial. After that, you've basically learned how to budget so you can apply the same principles to an excel spreadsheet or notebook.

I rent an apartment right now because I'm just on an internship. Not technically a real adult yet lol.

I own a car, but only because I'm a spoiled rich brat who has parents in the car industry who got me a car. Wouldn't count on this, I'd recommend just buying a used car if you can.

xedit: GAH i forgot to include that I always deposit 30% of my paycheck into a HYSA (high-yield savings account) automatically

 

[lyradelphie04]

@Mikaiah may I ask what region you're from in the US? I know the culture can vary by region, I'm from the good ol liberal Midwest. My hope is to major in Accounting and find a school that has a dual degree program to get a Masters quicker. But just out of curiosity, what does an Engineer do? It sounds interesting and worthwhile!