Did you have strict parents growing up?

[Croconaw]

What were your parents like when you were growing up? Were they very strict or were they more on the lenient side of things?

I’m currently 23, and my parents were actually very lenient and placed a ton of trust on me in high school. My mom was never really around. She was mostly not in my life until I turned 18 pretty much, but neither of us really made an effort. I’ve lived with my dad since I was really young. My dad worked the overnight shift five days a week, Monday through Friday since I’ve started high school, which means he wasn’t at the house all night. There was some trust level to this as I was trusted to go to sleep at a decent time and wake up for school each morning. I’ve only ended up sleeping in once, and it wasn’t thought of as a big deal. As neither of us had a car at the time, he just let me skip school that day.

As for bedtime, I was fortunate to not have one. My dad let me know I was smart enough to figure out on my own how much sleep my body needs, and I’ve adjusted well on my own. After graduation, I ended up getting a job with my dad where he worked at night. I was never really interested in furthering my education or going to college, so I’m glad my parents never forced that on me. My grades were also never an issue as what mattered most was maturing and growing as a person. I was clear during my four years in high school my intention of getting a job immediately after graduation, and this was okay.

I think it’s great when parents allow their kids to take responsibility for themselves so they’re not so dependent when they’re older. I’m very curious to how things were when you were younger if you had stricter parents. Were you thankful for them or did you wish your parents put a little more trust in you?

 

[Daenelia]

I am of a different generation, but hey: I grew up in the 70s, so ... no, I had very easy parents in some ways. I had a lot of freedom that kids today do not have, or not seem to have. I could go to the shops on my own when I was 7. I don't see parents letting their offspring out of their sight these days and I never ever see kids under 10 in a shop or supermarket on their own. I roamed the neighbourhood a lot, and I am happy to see that that seems to be making a comeback. But then, I am in The Netherlands where it is not a 'crime' to let your kids walk outside on their own.

(Fun fact, dogs had more freedom 100 years ago. They could just go in and out as they wanted, much like cats. They were trusted to come back home, maybe be used to jobs and tasks, but they pretty much had a lot of freedom to go wherever. Lucky dogs.)

But my parents did have a bed time for me, when I was under 12. After that, it was a suggested guideline. And it was sometimes enforced, as I had a tendency to read until midnight and beyond as a teenager. Getting out of bed was definitely in my interest, as I was lucky to get rides to school every morning. And if I didnt get to school on time, that was my problem. (But I had a very laid back school anyway.)

I dont equate strict parenting with high expectations and pushing you to do something. I consider that to be controlling behaviour. My parents did encourage me to push for me to do my best. Supporting a child is important. I did get a job straight after my secondary school diploma, but after that decided to go to uni anyway. And in both instances my parents just stood by me and supported me.

Did my parents trust me? Yes. Did they also give me advice and talked me through ideas? Yes. Did I think they were strict? No.

 

[Disneyfangirl23]

Did I have strict parents? = Yea just my Dad - well he wasn’t really a Dad to me

A long time ago my Dad was never nice to me -ever = I don’t see him anymore thank goodness = We left him a long time ago

I just live with my lovely Mum now and still do = lots of happy days

 

[Xara]

mine weren’t strict but honestly, they probably should have been lol. my mom wasn’t really much of a mom for the first decade or so of my life; she was living with untreated depression and her coping mechanisms of choice were sleeping and playing computer games so i didn’t really see much of her. my parents were also separated at the time so i only saw my father on weekends so for a while it was just me, myself and i. still, my mother did most of the parenting (which wasn’t much lol) but due to how little patience she has, as soon as i would begin ‘acting out’, she’d give up. i got away with a lot because of this but this dynamic had me go a year and a half without any education or social interactions outside of my family when my mother decided to try and homeschool me back when i was in 3rd grade. you can probably imagine that this didn’t end well lol.

my mother has also never shielded anything that may be inappropriate from me, either - i was watching horror movies before i was even 10 and was even allowed to listen and watch the music videos of inappropriate songs (think “s&m” by rihanna, for instance ). all of this has left me with no filter and no regard for inappropriateness and now i have no problem with cracking “that’s what she said” jokes in front of people like my grandmother. i did have a bedtime though and since i honestly couldn’t be trusted, i wasn’t allowed to have my DS in the room with me after i’d gone to bed as i’d stay up and play with it lol.

but honestly, my parents have never been strict at all and i wouldn’t be surprised if people considered their parenting to be unconventional lmao. if anything, the only thing that my mom was was protective and even at 16, she would still want to supervise whenever i wanted to hang out with someone smh.

 

[-Lumi-]

It was sort of a mixed bag.

When my parents were together my mum was definitely strict - although that's putting it nicely. Some people just aren't meant to be parents - apparently my mum needed to have a couple of children before she figured that out. My parents split when I was in middle school and the whole family dynamic changed after that. The first two years after they separated all my siblings and I lived with my dad. He was still trying to get used to single parenting but it was a hard line to walk between being strict and being understanding of the fact we'd all just gone through this massive change. Within the year my older siblings had moved out and it was just me, my younger sister, and my dad.

I love my dad to bits. We don't agree on everything but for the most part our personalities mesh really well and I'm also just a pretty non-confrontational person. I try to keep to myself and help out wherever I can so things go smoothly. Due to this my dad didn't really need to be overly strict with me. It's not like I was out partying, staying out all night, getting into trouble, etc. The worst I'd do is not clean my room and fake being sick to skip school, lol. It's not even like I'd pretend to go and then not show up - I'd tell him I was sick and he'd let me stay home. In that respect he probably wasn't strict enough I was coming up on like 30 missed days every semester in high school.

At the end of the day our relationship has always been a little unusual. We don't have the typical parent/kid relationship - it's something that teachers & therapists have pointed that out. I think it's because of that that it's been hard for him to be overly strict. I mean he's been relying on me to help buy the groceries, figure out the bills with, when my sister lived with us he would often ask me how to handle her difficult behaviours (I never had an answer though... we're really close in age so that was also super odd) etc.

 

[Stella-Io]

Ahahaha, yes.

It wasn't even like a normal strict thing, my parents were strict about the stupidest things. I wasn't allowed to wear makeup for years, I was def not allowed to dye my hair until I was out of high school, it wasn't until middle school that I was allowed to get either bangs or a layered hair cut, I had to chose one or the other. In high school I was grounded FOR A MONTH because I wasn't going to invade my sister's privacy, which they clearly loved to do. I had my phone taken away for a month and I wasn't allowed to go to a club party. In middle school I had a major depressive thing goin on at that time and my grades suffered, but honestly I don't know if that was the depression or just me being stupid. But my parents thought it was a brilliant idea to have me give my glee club teacher a letter explaining that I will no longer be able to be in the club. As if leaving a club would somehow make my grades get better. It was in an envelope so I had no idea what it said, and I was too scared of my parents to open and read it to see what it said, for fear that SOMEHOW they'd know. To this day I still don't know what it said, and I wish I did read it.

My parents also went thou my things, like my notebooks that were essentially diaries where I wrote down my feelings so I could feel better, my text messages and my phone. Multiple times.
Not only that but for years I had to keep my phone out in the kitchen if I wasn't using it, and I wasn't really 'supoosed' to be using it unless calling or texting. I wasn't allowed to keep it in my room with me, even if I had to charge it I had to bring it out to the kitchen with all the other phones. If they noticed my phone wasn't there then they would literally go into my room asking where my phone was. This changed when we started using our phones as alarm clocks since my alarm clock broke.

Because they liked to go throu my things this made me try to be sneakier, hide things from them better and overall just not trust them. I also stopped writing 'diaries' the first time they went thou my notebooks. Yeah, the FIRST time, there were more. To this day I still would not trust them with stuff like my notebooks, my phone or even my feelings, esp when I had my second major depressive thing that lasted literal months.

They've loosened up now that I'm a young adult who has a job and trying to build my independence, but there are still things I feel like I have to get 'permission' for, in fear of them yelling at me over somethin stupid.

 

[Midoriya]

My mom wasn’t strict at all, but I think she raised me really well. She was the one who taught me how to be friendly to others and treat people the way you want to be treated. How to connect and laugh with people as well. Also how to be sweet with people. Sadly, she passed several months ago, but I’ll never forget the good upbringing she gave me.

My dad was actually quite a bit strict when I was younger, but as I got older he mellowed out over time and became less strict, and I learned about how empathetic and caring he is towards others. He has always been the one to push me and expect great things of me, because he knows I have good potential to accomplish things in life. It’s because he’s this way that I’ve managed to make a lot of great memories with him as well and I still live with him and don’t mind doing so.

tl;dr I love both my parents, not just as parents, but as people.

 

[coldpotato]

My mother was a bit strict and overprotective. I remember being in about 6th grade and wanting to hang out for maybe 10-20 minutes after school with my friends (in the school field). We would get into fights about how I couldn't do that and if I did that meant I was doing drugs, lol...I had no interest in drugs and never befriended anyone who did them during that time.

I would also tell her I wanted to get my ears pierced and she'd say I could once I turned 18 and it was inappropriate to get my ears pierced before then. We'd get into dumb fights about that. At one point I dyed my hair red on my own and she told me I was ruining my life and wouldn't speak to me for a while.
It seemed she wanted me to be a certain way and if I did anything different than the way she wanted me to, even if it was harmless, she would get very upset.

 

[Imbri]

I wouldn't say that my parents were strict, but there were definite rules for my brothers and me to follow, and consequences if we did not. We had bedtimes, when we were younger, and there was a rule that at dinner, you had to at least try whatever was on your plate. I remember my brother once falling asleep at the table because he refused to taste a brussel sprout.

We were allowed mostly free rein in the neighborhood, though we were expected to be home for meals. My mom had a bell outside the back door that she would ring, so we knew when it was time to come in.

Once we got into junior high and high school, we were given more responsibility and freedom.

 

[Blueskyy]

I would say my mom definitely was more than my dad. I mean, strict to a point where it really was just because she loves us, but still. I did have freedom to go outside and play with my friends on my street all throughout my childhood, but you better believe you get home quickly when you hear your name called

In high school and even a few years I was home at college, my mom always needed to know where I was anytime I left. I never was able to just leave the house and not explain where I was going. I definitely did some rebellious stuff late teens/early 20s so I most likely did not help this situation either. I'm definitely glad those times are behind me. Now I'm boring and happy with it.

Now, my mom still texts or calls each day just to check in but I live alone in my own place. It's definitely nice to be able to go to a store or whatever and not have to worry about telling anyone. I definitely felt like I spent a lot of time at home when I lived with my parents because I never wanted to have to take the time to explain where I was going and why each time. It just wasn't worth it.

My advice would be to move out the first opportunity you get. If you can afford to do it, DO IT!

 

[ting1984]

No. Mine were quite lenient/permissive, and got even more so as I got older. While I'm thankful they weren't overly strict or authoritarian, I wish they would have been less indulgent. In particular, if I have future children, I will encourage more responsibilities and real-world tasks. I was never given any chores (I learned far more about housekeeping, for example, in my years as a direct support professional than I did at home), was too sheltered from the world, and grew up with an overly naive and optimistic view of human nature. The consensus is the best parental approach is authoritative, rather than authoritarian/strict or indulgent/permissive. Children need to learn resilience, boundaries, pragmatic life skills, and how to receive constructive criticism. These things have to be deliberately taught; they're not received through osmosis.

 

[jiny]

my mom isnt as strict, she'll get onto me sometimes but not as often as my dad
my dad gets mad at me for small things, and it gets really tiring since he doesnt get onto my brothers nearly as often as he does to me. it kinda hurts bc he treats me like im a little kid when im about to be 17 :/ my phone is restricted for no reason in particular, just that i "cant be trusted"
im always scared to make online friends in fear that my parents will find out, ive made online friends in the past and my parents have found out twice or three times and all those times, i got my phone taken away for a long amount of time and got lectured abt how everyone u meet on the internet cant be trusted because they could be a predator. i got where they would come from but im not stupid enough to not know that - if someone seems sketchy, i immediately block them. but my parents dont think i know to do that, even tho i got lectured abt it before. thats why i rarely make online friends anymore, and have only kept a handful of them i made in the past, because ik 100% they're who they say they are

all in all though, my dad's always been tougher/stricter on me than my mom. i have a weird relationship with my dad because of this too

 

[JemAC]

My parents weren't overly strict with myself or my siblings growing up, I was fortunate to grow up in a very happy household and while there were some rules there was also a lot of leniency. During school years my parents could be strict on having an appropriate bedtime so that we all got enough sleep before school but this was nearly always relaxed during weekends and holidays. Also my parents have always stressed the importance of good manners and politeness so I suppose they'd be strict if any of us were ever rude or ungrateful, not that any of us were so that was never really an issue. Completing school work and not skipping lessons was also something they'd be understandably strict about, though again this wasn't really relevant to me as I always kept up with my school work and never skived off.

Other then that my parents were mostly easy going while growing up, they were happy for any of us to go out and see friends or have anyone over to the house, as long as we asked first but it was nearly always a yes to the request. We also weren't really given any chores, though we were shown all the important things, generally just alternating who would set the table each night, walking the dogs and keeping our rooms tidy, other chores were done mainly by my parents or if someone particularly wanted to do one like my sister who went through a phase or really loving ironing and hoovering. They were also mostly happy to let us play any game or watch any film/TV series we wanted, though obviously to an extent as we couldn't watch anything that had a too high age rating when young.

Overall my childhood was very happy with loving parents who set certain rules that made sure we all grew up to be good people but they weren't very strict, mostly allowing us to do the things we liked as long as we kept up with school, treated others well and knew the importance of certain things.

 

[Imbri]

I did have freedom to go outside and play with my friends on my street all throughout my childhood, but you better believe you get home quickly when you hear your name called

There were 3 levels to hearing your name called when out playing.

1) First name, only: We have time to finish this round of the game/inning of baseball, etc. Kind of a warning shot.

2) First and last name: OK, time to grab my stuff and get going, because dinner is about to be put on the table. See you all tomorrow.

3) First and middle name (last name optional): Ohhh, I am in SO MUCH TROUBLE! No way can I go home, you can let me stay here, right? I'll just run away now, because if I go home, I'm dead.

 

[mocha.]

Yes absolutely, my grandma brought me up from the age of 5 and wrapped me up in cotton wool. I actually didn’t feel like she was strict at the time because I wasn’t very adventurous. I guess depending on how you look at it she was quite laid back too, she never forced me to do my school work and sacrifice my freedom for it, but I think she just wanted me to be the best version of myself and try my hardest. I realised after I lost her when I was 14 how much she actually did for me, and I guess that’s where the strictness comes in. Because she was strict about everything she did, I wasn’t allowed to make my own decisions (or felt I had authority to do so) I really struggled to adjust to life without her. I still do struggle and seem to require a lot of handholding through things that everyone else seems to do instinctively.

 

[Blueskyy]

There were 3 levels to hearing your name called when out playing.

1) First name, only: We have time to finish this round of the game/inning of baseball, etc. Kind of a warning shot.

2) First and last name: OK, time to grab my stuff and get going, because dinner is about to be put on the table. See you all tomorrow.

3) First and middle name (last name optional): Ohhh, I am in SO MUCH TROUBLE! No way can I go home, you can let me stay here, right? I'll just run away now, because if I go home, I'm dead.

3 also consisted of my mom sometimes walking down to the yard we were playing in too. A lot of times (ok maybe 2 or 3) we actually didn’t hear!

 

[moo_nieu]

yes and no. they were strict with keeping me sheltered from people/media they didnt want me around, but very relaxed when it came to chores or heathy habits that would have been very helpful to me now to already have developed lol i cant believe they even read through my chats to friends.. how weird. at least i didnt get the gps tracker my younger brother got

 

[LadyDestani]

I grew up in the 80's so I had certain freedoms that were typical back then. I was free to roam the neighborhood on my own. I could walk or ride my bike to my friend's houses as long as I didn't have to cross any major roads. I could go to the local shops and buy candy or ice cream with my allowance. My parents didn't really keep up with where I went as long as I was home when expected.

However, outside of that, my dad was very strict. He had a ton of rules and expectations for how we had to act when in his presence. We weren't really allowed to be kids or ask questions. There were never any explanations for why we couldn't do things or had to do other things. It was always just, "Because I said so." He definitely had a 'children should be seen and not heard' mentality. Even the most minor of infractions would cause my dad to lose his temper and he punished first, asked questions later. I got spanked with a belt on more than one occasion when I hadn't even done anything wrong because he would just fly off the handle and refuse to listen to reason.

My dad's temper terrified my friends too and they eventually stopped wanting to come to my house. His rules extended to them, but he couldn't punish them so if they made him angry, they had to watch me get spanked for it. I remember once when my best friend was spending the night, she jumped out of my room into the hallway, startling my brother. He cried out briefly in shock and that was all it took. My dad came running down the hall, dragged me onto the bed, and spanked me until I couldn't sit down for days. He said it was because my friend was 'harrassing' my brother. My friend left in tears and never spent the night with me again.

I found out as an adult that my dad never really wanted kids and gave in for my mom's sake. It showed.

On the other hand, my mom was very permissive. I think she was trying to make up for my dad's temper by letting us get away with things he would never allow. We shared a lot of secrets with her and she would help cover for us if we messed up so my dad wouldn't find out. If my dad had given us an excessive punishment for something, she would often not enforce it while he was at work. So if my dad grounded us, we could still watch TV, talk on the phone, or play games as long as he wasn't there.

As I reached my teenage years, my mom actually became more like a best friend to me. She was someone I could confide in and she wouldn't judge me even if I had done something I wasn't proud of. I love her so much and think she's the kindest, most gentle and loving person I've ever met.

The contrast between my mom and dad's parenting styles didn't negatively affect me too much. I still learned to play by the rules and I'm very responsible. But my brother is a different story. He has loads of mental health issues and the lack of consistency left him with no sense of accountability. He still believes that if he screws up, my mom will always be there to bail him out. He really needs to get out of that mindset.

 

[Alienfish]

I'd say more overprotective to be fair and forcing to go on stuff but, yeah I could definitely enjoy some 90s freedom. I think when my parents divorced my dad got more overprotective/strict etc. in the 2000s so yeah not really neat. I wish neither of my parents would have been so overprotective later on nor sheltering/chopper parents cause it didn't give me too much privacy lol :/

 

[dragonpisces69]

Unfortunately, I did. One of the perks of having parents that are no longer together
My parents did both love to yell at me and forbid me to do stuff while I was innocent all along... the mother still does (I fully estranged my father 4 years ago), and it also feels so much like none of those parents don't even know how to properly handle a neurodivergent (very autistic, to be exact) person like me! I know I'm not the only one who had (and still has) to experience this, but it surely does feel that way to me...

Now that I live on my own (albeit with slight counselling) for a little over 2 years now, I'm only glad that I can now do what I want and seek my own boundaries, rather than being told what and what not to do the entire time, which is also very annoying.