"Jessica's the only one for me, you'll see. We'll rise above this piddling peccadillo. We're gonna be happy again. You got that? Happy. Capital H-A-P-P-I."
"Dog Man! There's a new villain in town!"
"I'm not new!"
"You must stop this new threat to society!"
"Come on! I was in the first book!"
"Go catch the new bad guy!!!"
"Seriously! I had a really big role in Chapter 2!!!"
"I'm gonna be on TV!"
"Why?"
"Because Sarah is gonna interview me!"
"Why?"
"Because she's doing a news story about former villains who have transformed their lives."
"Why?"
"Because people like to watch stuff like that."
"Why?"
"Because it makes them feel all warm and fuzzy!"
"Why?"
"BECAUSE IT TRIGGERS DOPAMINE RESPONDERS IN THE PEA-SIZED BRAINS OF ALL THE GUM-CHEWING SIMPLETONS OUT THERE WHO'VE GOT NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN THROW THEIR LIVES AWAY BY SITTING IN FRONT OF A SCREEN ALL DAY!!!!"
"Look, Papa. I'm Santa Claus!"
...
"Were you even listening?"
"No."