The out of context quotes thread

[QueenCobra]

“Captain Awesome saved my life. Seriously.”

 

[Suguri]

"WELL THAT'S JUST GREAT! I was just thinking: what we really need right now is a guy in a cape whose only superpower is that he eats a lot of CUPCAKES!!!"
"I also eat sprinkles!"
"THAT'S NOT HELPFUL!!!"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“In the wilderness of life you can never be too prepared.”

 

[Yukari Yakumo]

"You don't understand us Russians. You see, when an American sees someone on their street has a nicer house he says 'I will work hard and earn enough money to make my house the nicest on the street.' But when a Russian sees someone has a better house, he say 'I will sneak over in the night and set his house on fire. Then after it burns down, I will have the nicest house on my street.' It's just how we are."

 

[Yukari Yakumo]

"Remember that Chairman Xi is a child of the Cultural Revolution. And that means that if he can maintain power for the low, low price of the deaths of millions of his citizens, he is a-okay with that."

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"You may have even commented on the surprising inappropriateness of such a murderous and bloody scene appearing in a children's book. It's fun to feel offended, isn't it?"

 

[Wolfsbane]

"Dude. Looks like someone steamrolled Harry Potter."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“You can’t put wine in hobo stew!”
“Of course you can! What goes better with hobos than wine?”

 

[QueenCobra]

“Eat ‘em up! Eat ‘em up! Bring a snack! Bring a snack!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Here’s your problem. There’s a large sack of money jammed in your steering column.”
*Mechanic pulls out a large bag of money*
“Good lord, how much will tha- Did you just say large sack of money?!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*As Pickles and Bob watch Mayor Johnny flip over and physically attack a car with wrestling moves and destroying it*
“Do you think this is all related to that large bag of money the boys found?”
“No, I’m sure it’s from all the years of steroids abuse.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Brandon left a note in his room that said ‘I’m gay!’ and then ran off with an older black guy!”
“Huh. I guess I owe Mark Twain an apology.”

 

[Yukari Yakumo]

“Whosoever is delighted in solitude, is either a wild beast or a god.”

 

[Midoriya]

"We can do this... stand with me, and become WAFFLES!"
*one of the villagers walks over to Phainon and gets zapped and literally transformed into a waffle, and then promptly falls to the ground*
*another newcomer walks up*
"Hey man, what's up, what's going on?"
"By the gods, that man just transformed into a waffle!"
"Hehe, nah man, you gotta be kidding me. That's not possible. There's no way."
*sure enough, however, another person walks over to Phainon and is also zapped and transformed into a waffle*
"Oh **** man, I think I've seen enough for today. I got to get out of here."
"Hey, do you think we can actually EAT these waffles?"
"I don't know, man, I wouldn't do it. They were once people you know."
*everyone turns their heads to see Acrestes eating one of the waffles*
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Officer tases Bob*
“Did you just tase me?!”
“Dunno. Did it feel something like this?”
*Tases Bob again*
“Quit doing that!”

 

[Suguri]

*I posted this, then got a panic attack, and now I deleted it. Apologies. -Suguri*

*this is not an out-of-context quote btw.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Hey drink dispenser! Make something classy for these ladies.”
“I ain’t making no drinks for a couple of cheap robo [prostitutes]!”
“Cheap?! Well at least I don’t put out for quarters!”
*Bev sprays the two robot prostitutes with some Slurm from her hose*

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Suddenly e-bikes
They’re flying around me
They’re up on the sidewalk
But they’re faster than cars
Suddenly e-bikes
They’re trying to kill you
It’s like a road bike from Mad Max
Delivering alcohol”

 

[QueenCobra]

“He has a wife, you know. You know what she's called? She's called... 'Incontinentia'. 'Incontinentia Buttocks.’”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Oh my god! Who hit you? Colin?!”
“Not this time.”