The out of context quotes thread

*Yellow Guy shows his battery compartment which have extremely corroded and leaking batteries*
“Ugh!”
“They reek!”
“Umm when was the last time you changed your batteries?”
“Change them? Into what?”
 
“Get him, Hagrid!”
*Puppet Hagrid swings his large club and hits Puppet Dumbledore. He is unharmed and a metal thud is heard*
“Oh. Trying to take a whack at the ol’ headmaster, are you?”
“Oh my god! He’s an android!”
“Huh? Wha?!”
“It’s true. I’m an android. A gay android.”
*Dramatic soap music plays before curtains close on the stage*
 
Cyril, you reek.
No, I... ( sniffs ) Is that shepherd's pie? And banana pudding. Damn it. Did you fart in my stasis pod again? Why, I oughta...
You oughta wash off that 'nana puddin'
*Starts slapping each other.*
Stop touching me! You stink!
 
*Billy is visibly stuck in a gingerbread house when a gingerbread man and woman approach him*
“Ooooh! This one has three baths and two beds!”
*Billy suddenly pops out of the gingerbread house and eats the gingerbread people whole*
 
*A female horse is dangling in the air over a volcano while a male horse is trying to lift her up*
“Don’t let go, Tiermo!”
“I can’t hold on anymore! I don’t got any thumbs!”
*Female horse slips and falls down screaming as a to be continued message is displayed*
 
*Purple female horse with a curly updo is talking to a sad looking male horse with a mustache and wearing a sombrero on his head*
“Oh Pierre, I’m afraid I don’t got much time for tomorrow they’re sending me to the glue factory….”
 
"Southwest, you see Las Vegas at 110 and you're going to go, "chat, is this real?""

-A friend of mine
 
"Man. Lopez and Sheila have been spending a lot of time together."
"I don't like it. He's not good enough for my Sheila."
"They seem happy together."
"He is a bad influence, and he is taking advantage of her because she is young and naive. And delicate."
"Delicate? She weighs like two hundred tons dude."
"She is a precious flower!"
 
*Dilbert talking to a large pile of supplies and a tape recorder that is playing a message*
“Am I really that predictable?”
*Dilbert’s Mom on the tape*
“Yes, dear, you really are that predictable.”
 
“I’m a perfectly normal woman.”
“Well, that sounds awfully dull.”
“My dear, you mustn’t say that about yourself. Not even in fun!”
 
"Haha, that's what she said."
"Wait a minute... would that be what she said, he said, or they said?"
*all of a sudden a malevolent spirit appears*
"The answer is D, none of the above... for it is what I SAID."
"Who the heck are you?"
"It is I, I who slayed Agathor, I who freed the ancient dragons from their sleep, I who came up with the idea to offer the 4 for $4 menu at Denny's!"
"OH GOSH, IT'S YOU!"
"That's right, and now, because of your stupid joke, I am going to wipe the slate clean using my ultimate move."
*All of a sudden the San Jose Sharks goal theme plays and a bunch of sharks materialize out of nowhere and begin eating people*
"Everyone, run!!!"
"Hey, are those actual sharks in that tank?"
*As chaos ensues a random announcer voice sounds out*
"SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRKKKKSSSS!!!"
 
"It's very simple: We'll use a Flea Flicker Maneuver, followed by a Running Gun Two-by-Two Approach. Tactical Ops will be- Aww who am I kidding?! Grif, Donut, just stand in the way of their bullets while me and Simmons 2.0 sneak around back to grab Lopez."
"Cool! Sounds like a plan!"
"No it doesn't! How about this time we try something that doesn't involve ME being shot at or run over?!"
"Would electrified be okay?"
"NO!!!"
"Well, I'm out of ideas."
 
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