What is your opinion on Long Distance Relationships?

[ZoeNeko]

Well, I met my husband online and the first year of our relationship was long distance, so I think they could totally work if you're willing to put the effort it.

 

[Anie]

I think they can work if both people are dedicated to put the effort into it. I was in a LDR for about a year and it ended up not working out because I felt like I was the only one putting the effort in to set aside time to talk on skype and such.

 

[Soigne]

Both parties have to be super into it and aware of danger that lurks around every corner. It may sound easy to handle, but things can quickly go south. Little things can build into huge insecurities that are hard to deal with later. Both people have to be committed to the idea and willing to let things go (argument-wise).

My boyfriend and I are long distance for about 4 months out of the year. Although that’s not a very long time, it’s hard. Saying you’ll call someone or regularly FaceTime them and then having to skip out every now and then can really hurt someone. It takes a lot of communication.

 

[Dormire]

Saying you’ll call someone or regularly FaceTime them and then having to skip out every now and then can really hurt someone. It takes a lot of communication.

True as it raises doubts and affects self-esteem. (Like it deals a huge blow on trust as well.) There were times my boyfriend tends to forget arranged sessions with his DnDmates and since he had no choice but to attend and will set aside our plans, it feels like I'm just a second priority but it's up to me to take it really hard but being understanding and telling your s/o to ALWAYS check their schedule and make sure they will not miss a day with "together" time. If they do it too often I think a heart to heart talk will try and settle things because doing mind games or "Hmmph, I don't know." and act pouty when there's really no other means to mend the situation other than directly talking. I spoke my mind when I had enough and mostly we sort things out. (If there is no change despite that I do suggest cutting ties with your s/o.)

There's the fear of breaking an argument but the good thing is there's no real physical harm if one might lash out but just mere heated exchanges if that were the case but, really. I always tell my mate I'm lonely directly and try to remedy it by trying to fit some time with me and feel better. I think confronting someone you love every time because you have no other means to communicate is exhausting but if you want things to work you gotta be vocal but not too much that you'd chain them to yourself all the time.

 

[Warrior]

They're alright. You need a certain personality type to make them work. I don't really know all about this long distance relationships meaning there's less emphasis on appearance stuff though. I'm in a 5 year long LDR and I think that the accepting someone for their personality and having it have nothing to do with looks... well, that's more on the personality of the participants, not at all the geographical logistics. I mean, I can tell you I couldn't hack this 5000km apart 80% of the time business if my mans wasn't so damned cute.

Basically LDRs are neither better or worse than close ranged relationships, they're just different. I do think ultimately to last a lifetime, the distance needs to be closed, be that one party moving to another or 50/50 time spent in eachother's country. Cause damn, that **** expensive long term.

 

[pawpatrolbab]

Long distance relationships are commonly viewed as unsuccessful because nobody actually wants to put the work in. People get into relationships because they want to feel comfortable, long distance ones require you to be selfless and most people won't even think about putting their needs or wants aside for another person.

I literally never thought that I would ever be in an actual, serious long distance relationship but that's just how fate works. It's extremely emotionally taxing because you're constantly missing them, but I can 100% say that it's worth it. It really puts all the trials of a "traditional" relationship to the text. In LDR you really have to trust and be honest with the other person, there is no way that they can physically read you over video, and the distance really provides most with an opportunity to cheat on their partner; so when that doesn't happen, it proves their trust and commitment.

I feel that people in "traditional" relationships really take their partners for granted. Nobody ever considers how actually wonderful it is to be able to see your partner every day and never having to worry about the time coming where they have to leave. I personally believe that being in a LDR really allows people to actually cherish the time they have with their partner and to put petty arguments to the side. I find in a lot of couples I see most are focused on being "right" when it comes to being in a fight and it's just not worth it. Too many people only care about how things make them feel and never stop to consider their partners perspective.

I've been in an LDR for over two years and we actually met on these forums. It really is extremely painful not being able to be there for him when he needs it, physically. And I would truly give everything I have and more if it meant I could just talk to him face to face for 5 minutes but it's incredibly worth it. You really do appreciate them so much more, and I think part of that comes from the deprivation. If you truly, love somebody, unconditionally, it will work.

I've typed up a whole novel but really words cannot say how rewarding it can be. We're currently working to have me permanently moved over to Scotland and it will be a good while until we see each other again but it's worth it. Love is always worth it

 

[Nobility]

I think that it depends on people. Some relationships can work in long-distance, others not. Most of all the distance destroying the relationships

 

[Romaki]

I don't see a difference between your partner living in another place or another state. Like either they're currently with you or they're not. I don't feel a greater disconnect between people living further away, what's more important is how they make time for you. Travelling can be expensive, but if you want to spend time with someone you'll find a way - it doesn't have to be in person. Have online dates where you do stuff together. I think the only thing that matters is whether they'll think of you.

I don't see how LDR are more valuable than "normal" relationships though. I don't believe in "absence makes the heart grow fonder", I think your relationship to another person is based on what the two of you are willing to put into it. Long distance seems like a temporary issue to me, it's definitely better to have that sort of test than to get married without ever seeing your partner struggle. You should know who they are when you can't observe and influence them 24/7.

 

[Blood Eclipse]

I think long distance relationships, more so than not, end up failing, and it probably does have a lot to do with both parties not putting in the effort to make it work out, but-to me-long distance contact is just not the same as having a conversation face to face, going out and experiencing the same things together, or physical interaction. It may be for some, but it honestly isn't for most. I can see it working, I guess, if both people are introverts and feel more comfortable talking to each other through written messages or Skype; or if it's for a couple of months, but I can't imagine the interest lasting if the distance lasts more than a year or so.

Obviously, it should go without saying that there is a chance for danger and infidelity involved in both long distant and short distant relationships - I just think that the best way to truly get to know someone is minimizing the gap between both. (Then again, sometimes, you never really stop learning about the other person's many faces.)

 

[debinoresu]

im in one! so obviously i think its manageable. its hard and we cry a lot when we leave (and very very expensive to constantly visit eachother) and it hurts when shes upset and i cant just be like coming over! i also get sad when i see happy couples in person cause its really perfect when we are together. but the emotional needs filled from being with eachother online are still wonderful. i see her again spring break! ^^

 

[Xara]

if done properly, i think they can work; most of the videos online you see of long-distance partners meeting irl for the first time are special circumstances as they were able to make it work and have the means to meet each other eventually.

others, however, do not have the means; whether it?s financial or the people around them?s opinion on long distance and ?strangers online?, some people will never be able to meet their long-distance partner irl and if they do, it?ll be years until they can - these are the relationships that i feel fail the most because people lose hope which leads to them losing interest and then it?s over.

it?s doomed from the beginning also if you have trust and/or communication issues; if you are unable to trust your partner and/or have no clue how to healthily communicate with them, you have no business being with them; while this is also true for irl relationships, it becomes a lot more important for long-distance relationships since trust and communication is really all you?ve got.

as for me, i?ve never been able to make long distance work; i need to be able to physically see and be with someone - regardless of if the person is in a whole different country or just a different city, most of my relationships have been long distance and i can?t handle that anymore lol

 

[SublimeDonut]

Sounds kinda cute in theory, but I don't know if I'd function in one. Though I love talking through messages (I really do. I think it's one of the ways we can feel more relaxed and speak without holding back), I think any relationship needs more than that. It needs the eye to eye, the touches, the s*x, the sharing a domestic space and stuff. At least for me, I mean. If you already know the person and then someone moves far away and you continue in long distance, I think that's even ok, but I can't really understand how dating someone you met online works.

 

[Chris]

My partner and I are 250 miles apart. We meet up approx every six weeks to spend a long weekend together. Unfortunately we both have contractual obligations in different cities right now so closing that gap is going to take time and patience (and the distance may get larger before it gets smaller) but we are both determined to make it happen. I don't particularly like being in an LDR but we are doing the best we can in the meantime.

 

[Tessie]

I'm in one! My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years (3 in July) and the whole entire relationship we've been long distance. He's based in California and I'm based in Pennsylvania. He's finishing up his PhD and I'm currently completing my residency at a hospital. We see each other on average every 3 months. I last saw him on December and I will see him again in April. The longest we went was 6 months of not seeing each other. But we make it work, we have lengthy talks every single day through text, and we'll have a long phone call about once or twice a week. I fell in love with him through our communication and I feel that's a beautiful and powerful thing. Nothing about it was ever superficial. It feels so genuine and real and I trust him more than anything really. I'm confident this is the person I will marry and have a family with.
We're hoping to settle down in California once I'm done residency, live together for a year and go from there!

 

[meo]

I think they have their own set of challenges but every relationship does. I do think they can be fully successful with the right people as long as you go in with the right plan for the set of challenges long distance entails. Ultimately, as long as you both are happy that's all that matters.

Personally, I was in one. It didn't work out but I definitely would say, while the distance did factor into issues, it was mainly just that we weren't right for one another.
I wouldn't say I would refuse to do long distance because ultimately it's the person that makes the difference. I would say it's something I wouldn't look for however specifically and have taken measures to stay away from previously (using profile settings to stay local on dating sites etc). If it had been with my now spouse, I'm sure we could make it work.
There may even be a chance we will be long distance for a period here soon. After I graduate from my program we will be moving to another area of the country. Logistically there's a lot of advantages for us if I go set things up as soon as possible after while he wraps up things here (selling house etc). So hypothetically during that time we would be long distance for the time it takes the house to sell. It'll be hard, especially being used to be being together, but it'll also be good for the future we're planning. Fingers crossed I just get a job offer there around the same time the house sells here.

 

[pawprints]

I?ve been in two with girls I met online. One lasted almost a year and the other almost three years. I was never able to meet the first, but I saw the second in person quite a few times. I think that it?s a little harder, but - at the same time - I enjoy having space in my relationships. Texting/video chats is different with my anxiety vs hanging out in person.

 

[Maiana]

I believe LDRs work as long as both parties are putting in the required effort while they're in one.
I was in one for... 3 weeks lmao, but we're better as friends. I also think communication played a huge factor in our relationship, and it plays a role in relationships in general. With that being said, one of my best friends has been in a long distance relationship since middle school and she is currently enrolled in college. Overall as long as the person and their partner are making it work, I think LDRs can be pretty cool.

 

[tybalt_cake]

if you two don't have a really big connection and put effort into the relationship , it won't work.

 

[John Wick]

I couldn't imagine being away from my wife even for a day.

I don't know how people handle that kind of thing.

 

[Soot Sprite]

I'm sure for some people it works, but I think it takes a lot more work than regular relationships to make it last. There's always a chance you might not know that person as well as you think you do, but that can be the case with anyone.