Supernova-Daydreams
Member
Hi, everyone.
So, I am a new member here and lately, I have been dealing with HORRIBLE depression and anxiety.
When I was about 12, just hitting puberty, I started noticing extreme changes in my perception....
I was taken to Seattle where I saw a bunch of different neurologist which, all said that trying to perform surgery to alleviate the pressure change and fluid in my head from a grade 4 brain bleed at birth, would prove ineffective.
So, I have been dealing with this for more than a decade, and still, every night before I goto sleep, I have the small ray of hope that I might wake up normal again.
Its like some sort of "acid" trip or feeling like you're completely ungrounded.
Like, a hellish perpetual dream-state.
And it is ALWAYS there. ALWAYS.
I have been on maybe 15-20 different medications (mood stabilizers, anti-anxiety and a couple of anti-psychotics)
Nothing... and I mean, NOTHING has even remotely helped.
I see a therapist that manages my medication and whatnot....she knows everything that is going on with me and she STILL thinks the problem is anxiety.
I dropped out of high school a year before graduating because I felt like I couldnt do it.
In hindsight, I know I could have lasted one more year.
And that is one of my largest regrets.
I thought that everything would settle, in terms of my anxiety and depression, and just go away.
Well, not yet.
And its never going to....
My mother loves me. And she knows what Im dealing with.
Shes been there every step of the way.
CAT scans and doctors appointments.
My dad is out of the picture. They got divorced when I was 10, or so.
I still talk to him, but every time I do, I feel like he doesnt register what is happening.
Just today, he told me everything was going to be alright.
But I dont believe it. I am engaged and I love art.
I used to draw all the time.
I love my friends, family, fiance and our dog....but, Im not sure I can keep going through the motions of living much longer.
And whats even more terrifying, is Im starting to accept the fact that Im close to the end of my life.
I am constantly trying to find happiness through art, reading, distracting myself with anime and videos.
Nothing works anymore. :'(
Anyway, Im sorry if this is sad, but I wanted to let you all know that Im still here....and Im going to continue to fight. Until I cant anymore.
Thanks for reading, guys.
It means a lot to me....
Im so glad I found this forum.
If anyone else is dealing with the same stuff, maybe we can talk.
Add my FC, and let me know so I can add yours.
Love you~
So, I am a new member here and lately, I have been dealing with HORRIBLE depression and anxiety.
When I was about 12, just hitting puberty, I started noticing extreme changes in my perception....
I was taken to Seattle where I saw a bunch of different neurologist which, all said that trying to perform surgery to alleviate the pressure change and fluid in my head from a grade 4 brain bleed at birth, would prove ineffective.
So, I have been dealing with this for more than a decade, and still, every night before I goto sleep, I have the small ray of hope that I might wake up normal again.
Its like some sort of "acid" trip or feeling like you're completely ungrounded.
Like, a hellish perpetual dream-state.
And it is ALWAYS there. ALWAYS.
I have been on maybe 15-20 different medications (mood stabilizers, anti-anxiety and a couple of anti-psychotics)
Nothing... and I mean, NOTHING has even remotely helped.
I see a therapist that manages my medication and whatnot....she knows everything that is going on with me and she STILL thinks the problem is anxiety.
I dropped out of high school a year before graduating because I felt like I couldnt do it.
In hindsight, I know I could have lasted one more year.
And that is one of my largest regrets.
I thought that everything would settle, in terms of my anxiety and depression, and just go away.
Well, not yet.
And its never going to....
My mother loves me. And she knows what Im dealing with.
Shes been there every step of the way.
CAT scans and doctors appointments.
My dad is out of the picture. They got divorced when I was 10, or so.
I still talk to him, but every time I do, I feel like he doesnt register what is happening.
Just today, he told me everything was going to be alright.
But I dont believe it. I am engaged and I love art.
I used to draw all the time.
I love my friends, family, fiance and our dog....but, Im not sure I can keep going through the motions of living much longer.
And whats even more terrifying, is Im starting to accept the fact that Im close to the end of my life.
I am constantly trying to find happiness through art, reading, distracting myself with anime and videos.
Nothing works anymore. :'(
Anyway, Im sorry if this is sad, but I wanted to let you all know that Im still here....and Im going to continue to fight. Until I cant anymore.
Thanks for reading, guys.
It means a lot to me....
Im so glad I found this forum.
If anyone else is dealing with the same stuff, maybe we can talk.
Add my FC, and let me know so I can add yours.
Love you~