What's Bothering You?

A sort of friend (she used to be a very good friend) has suddenly started "being interested" in my favorite series, but I found out it was only for my attention, specifically because she wanted me to follow her insta and give her more clout
she then admitted that she actually doesn't care for the series too much, and was forcing herself to play it, but she's doing an AU for her characters completely based on the series

I got so excited because I thought she was actually interested and wanted to talk to me and stuff, but it turns out i'm only worth what I can do for her
 
it's damp outside (it's not even really raining so idk why) which means it's damp in my room, and my AC unit is good at keeping the room dry, but it's also good at keeping my room cold so I can't turn it on to dry out the room or else I'll freeze. and even though it is already pretty cold in here, I woke up multiple times during the night in a sweat because, I guess, my comforter is made of the least breathable material ever. I've had this issue before and it's annoying. so I can really only cover up with throw blankets right now, but because it's kinda cold in here and it's damp, even that is uncomfortable. I'm lying here, half under the comforter against my better judgment, and I feel simultaneously warm and cold, dry and damp. I imagine this PMS is exacerbating my physical discomfort right now, but regardless it's just mildly annoying enough that it's bothering me. 😭

on the plus side I do have my kitty Feef here, providing me some gentle and genuine comfort. he's so sweet. 🥺💗🐱
 
I was driving home and there was just a little dog randomly running around one of the perpendicular streets in our neighbourhood, so I stopped and went over to a neighbour's house to see if they knew whose dog it was. it was a really frustrating experience.

*main door is wide open, I knock on screen door*

man: "I'm not interested in what you have."

me: *not understanding what he said* "is anyone home?

man: "we're not interested."

me: "I'm not a solicitor, I have a question!"

man: "I told you we're not interested!"

wife eventually came out, I explained to her that there was a dog running around, and she told me that it belongs to the neighbour across the steet, and he gets out occasionally, and he can be hard to catch. I thanked her for letting me know.

how hard was that? I clearly needed help and this man just kept telling me to shoo. I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt and say that he's dealt with a lot of solicitors in his day, but this whole interaction came across as very rude and distant. I'm already very moody today because of PMS and this made me sob as I was driving home. there's no reason for that guy to be so rude. he could've taken 5 seconds to get up and see if I needed help.

whatever, I'm getting coffee and food omw to work so I hope being at work improves my mood (I love my job so I think it will). just can't get over how rude people can be sometimes.
 
Minor work frustration
So at work we lost our assistant manager at the beginning of the month. Nice guy but didn’t always know what he was doing. I figured it wouldn’t take that long to get a new assistant. Found out today we are not getting one anytime soon. They said we can borrow one every once in awhile if we really need to . I don’t see how that will work since my manager can’t work 7days. It’s always a pain when we don’t have a manager and have to find one from another department if we need anything. We have basically been on our own the last few days since our manager is on vacation.
 
I’m starting to get really creeped out by the amount of times I’ve had Deja vu this week. Every person I encounter, every image I see, and every message I see online right now feels like something I’ve seen before in the exact same way I saw it previously. Deja vu is something I normally feel a few times a year, but right now it’s several times a day.
 
I'm scared of becoming an adult. I know it's a common fear for anyone who's reaching that point in their life, but I can't help but worry. I feel like I'm being thrusted into the world with zero trust and confidence in myself that I'll ever make it out. I'm 17 and I'll be in college soon; It doesn't seem normal to be on my own when I'm not even a legal adult.

For years, I've been downplaying my problems because I thought they weren't serious; I'm just a teen, so what do I know any better? Most people have already surpassed this stage and have turned out okay. But I think I should've been more gentle with myself, because my emotions were very strong and real, which is something I should've taken more seriously.

I'm not looking for replies, just saying whatever's on my mind. Clearly, I worry too much.
 
Too many things have gone wrong in just a few days and I feel so lonely and don't know who to talk to most of the time.

I've also realized I have this problem where I see someone I think I could be friends with, but my anxiety prevents me from talking to them. Later on, I realize they've disappeared and I've completely missed my chance thanks to my anxiety. It's happened multiple times across the internet.
 
I feel so humiliated because yesterday I posted about how anxious I was before the launch of a book I contributed to. I was nervous because I agreed to publically read my portion of the book, but I thought it would go well. Then I got there and had a massive anxiety attack and had to leave like 10 minutes after I arrived. Like I was sat in my seat at the event and I was beginning to cry no matter how much I tried to stifle it and I felt so nervous and on edge and I was picking up on everyone around me and I was just so overwhelmed. My partner was trying to calm me down outside the building and was trying to get me in a good state again but I just couldn't do it, I was sobbing and crying saying I cant do it anymore and I just knew I had to go home. I at least got a copy of the book so Ill share the section I wrote on here later but I feel so embarrassed and upset all I want to do this morning is cry. I let myself down so badly. This is a huge moment for me and I feel like I ruined it.
 
Yahoo mail is garbage now. As much as I want to receive the verification code for my Nintendo account, I haven't receive the sent code so far, the email is correct and everything, but still no dice.

ugh, just once I finally get the mail sent. I'll definitely change it to gmail.
 
I really don’t want to have to read that entire driver’s manual. I don’t think I can focus for that long.

Also, I don’t know, but I feel like every time I post something in this thread, it’s something… whiny. Like it’s never about something that important. Idk, maybe it’s because I’m still a teenager and I’ve never experienced the real world, so I just feel like all my issues are first world problems. I know this thread is supposed to be for anything that’s bothering you, but I feel like everything that’s bothering me is insignificant. I’m not going to just not post here anymore, but still.

Kind of related but I also feel like I hate the way I word pretty much everything I post. No matter how it’s worded I just hate it. I’m sure no one else even cares, but still.

You know what… whatever. Why do I even care about this so much? It’s not like anyone else does. I couldn’t even sleep for a while last night because I was up thinking about this. I’ll just stop now because this post is probably even worse than I think things I usually post here are.
 
Looks like my ipod nano (3rd gen.) is probably getting a case of spicy pillow. The seams on the bottom are slightly separated. It's hard to notice unless you look carefully. I've had it since I was in middle school and use it every 4th of July to block out the noise outside. I think that I'll be fine using it one more time before finding a place to properly dispose of it.
 
My cousin wants to drop out of highschool. His family asked me to talk with him about it. They said it was my responsibility as his older cousin.

Our bond isn't as close as my family thinks. We get together to play games and watch sports, but it never developed into a deeply personal relationship. So I don't know how to bring it up without making it completely awkward.

I've been putting it off. I feel horrible about it.

And if he does drop out, I also feel like it could now become a deep place of guilt.
 
I absolutely feel like I’m getting passed between people in The System. The psychiatrist we left a message for called back and said I’m outside of their age range. We left that message a month ago.

Two months ago my disability support got approved and the next step is waiting for them to call me and plan another meeting. Nothing.

So much of my life has just been getting told to wait by people who act like they know what they’re doing and then admitting they can’t help me. Finally reach someone and they recommend the next guy who does the same thing to continue the cycle.

My ambition for stuff like art is just so gone. At the core of it my goal was always just getting away from my parents to live and look for what I really want to do in life, to stop being exposed to triggers. Well when the world doesn’t even see or treat me like an adult and so much is disappointing it always crumbles. I don’t even leave the house any more, the last time I went for a simple walk was three months ago.

As for that one guy who really upset me I think I’m over him specfically, but I’m not at all past my distrust/misanthropy toward people. Call me a prophet, I told my mom help would be so much harder when I got older and I’d age out of support systems, I already whined here about how the lasting effect of that fallout would be more dealing with my attitude toward people in general than heartbreak over some guy.

This is something for Future Me but I should really, really save more money now because not only is getting a marriage citizenship down here a lengthy process but genuinely expensive.

I’m sorry you all have to see me like this. I was better than this. I’m tired of trying so hard to be better and having the same things happen to me repeatedly.
 
Just so very tired and didn’t sleep much last night. Finally off tomorrow after working the last 6 days two of those were 12hours . Can’t sleep in tomorrow since I have to do all the outside chores before it rains in the afternoon. Also allergies are driving me crazy.
 
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