none of what you’ve said sounds crazy at all. i’m so sorry, jenny. i don’t know what it’s like to lose a parent, but i do know how utterly agonizing grief and trying to navigate life after loss is, and i’m so sorry that you know it as well. it isn‘t fair.
i know how horrifying it is to lose a loved one so unexpectedly, and to remember them in their last days and moments of life. i also know that, like you said, they wouldn’t want us to remember them like that— but that isn’t the only way you remember your mom. you remember and honour her every single time you talk about her, share a fact about her, or a memory you have with/of her. you remember and honour her every time you tell her you love her and kiss her photo, every time you send her a text, every time you try to still include her in special occasions. you remember and honour her today by planning to play new horizons and visit her favourite villager. you’re remembering the beauty of her life and the love you had for one another as much as you are remembering and feeling the devastation of the loss of her. you’re getting through this the best you can, and while i didn’t know your mom, i know she would be so, so proud of you.
i know everyone says this, but it’s true that grief isn’t linear. there’ll be days where you’re able to remember your mom fondly and smile and laugh, and there’ll be days like today where it somehow hurts more. that’s okay. grief and loss isn’t something that you ever get over, and no one has the right to expect you to, or to dismiss your grief in any way. there’s no set timeline for grieving; you’ll miss your beautiful mom and be grieving her in some way for the rest of your life, and there’s no wrong way to do that. you experienced a heartbreaking, life-changing loss, and navigating this sudden new life and world you’re in is difficult. but you’re allowed to do it at
your pace— you’re doing the best you can, never let anyone try to tell you otherwise. no one gets to decide how you should deal with
your grief.
i know how hard it is to not think about the future and the future losses and grief you’ll have to endure after a loss like this. the past two years have left me paranoid and terrified of when the next tragedy will happen. every time that my parents go out, i’m terrified that they won’t come home, to the point that i watch nothing but the news to see that they don’t end up on it. every police siren i hear is them coming to tell me that my parents are gone. every twitch that bonk makes is a precursor to something bad happening to her.
it’s hard not to be scared all the time, but something i’ve been trying to do is that when i’m scared the most, i try to ground myself. i focus on the present by saying to myself “my parents and bonk will be gone one day, but today is not that day. today, they are alive and well“. i know there’s nothing i can say that’ll take your pain or your fears away, but maybe saying something similar to yourself in the moments when you’re most scared about losing your dad might help?
cuddle with blossom, play new horizons, take care of yourself the best you can— do what you need to do to get through today. your dad is there with you, blossom is there with you, and you have friends who love and care about you in your corner. sending so much love and strength your way
It's already been refunded at least, I just hope Mercari covers the cost for the seller, which they apparently do if the damage wasn't the seller's fault (which I don't think it was). 
