The out of context quotes thread

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I’m teaching Helga here how to proselytize.”
“She’s learning how to turn tricks?”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“My life is a bacon wrapped hell on Earth.”
“Can’t say hell.”

 

[QueenCobra]

*singing* “When a man loves a woman….”
“Which one are you, the man or the woman?”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Woman wear a dress literally made out of rags talking to some Mice*
“Oh Mina! It’s perfect!”
“Oh wow. It’s uh wow!”
“See?! She’s speechless!”
“She loves it!”
“You do love it, right Princess?”
“Oh uh yeah. Of course I do. It’s just a lot.”
“What does that mean?”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Do we have to listen?”
“Yeah. You remember what happened to Grandma.”
“SHE WAS ALREADY DEAD WHEN I GOT THERE!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Love...”
“Love...”
“And hate...”
“And hate...”
“They like two brothers...”
“Brothers...”
“Who go on a date.”
“Who... what?!”
“Where one of them goes,
other one follows.
You inviting love
he also bringing sorrows.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“And how’s my little guy this morning?”
“I DON’T KNOW WHY I MARRIED YOU!”
*Baby Sinclair whacks Earl directly in the face with a frying pan and breaks it*

 

[QueenCobra]

“I should call your mother!”
“You’d need a phone to Heaven to do that!”
“Maybe your ma didn’t go to Heaven.”

 

[-Blue-]

Go on without me. Find a new wife. One with shoes that fit.
Okay.
Bob, I was kidding! Don't leave me! You won't like your new wife! She won't laugh at your Mrs. Doubtfire impression like I do!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Is-is she really gonna steal a watering can to hit me in the face with it?”
*You must be new here*
“No I’m not! You guys are the new kids here!”
*Oh yeah*

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Females named Sue shall now be known as Millie.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“You guys should play a drinking game!”
“That’s a neat idea!”
“It’s a recipe for fun!”
“Oh but I don’t know any drinking games.”
“Oh! Oh! I know one! It’s called I Bet I Can Drink Faster Than You Can!”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"What is the worst state you've seen a public bathroom in?"

"New Jersey."

 

[-Daydream-]

Father… Permission to anihilate?!

Permission granted…

 

[-Blue-]

How many legs they got?
Looks like four
Four? Well how are they not falling over?

 

[QueenCobra]

“I am part Chinese, 3000 BC.”

 

[QueenCobra]

“My mom told people I died so she could sell lipstick.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I’m dating myself.”
“Awww that’s pathetic! Even you deserve better than you.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“There's been some confusion for, you see, my roommate is
Unusually and exceedingly peculiar
And altogether quite impossible to describe”
“Blonde”