The out of context quotes thread

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“How about Mario’s Restaurant? Mini pizzas and delish desserts make this Italian eatery a must. Ravioli? Holy cannoli!”
*Beverley makes a laughing amused face while Hank sits in his chair shaking his head*
“Day and night she talks! Each word more useless than the next!”
*Bev continues to read the Zagat guide*
“The City Steakhouse serves the best beef in town. Their central lighting will set the mood for any romantic rendezvous. Ohhhhh, hear that, Hank?”
*Bev starts rubbing Hank’s leg and he shakes his head*
“Give me cancer NOW God!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Okay, Mr Duckman, but may I say that I don’t think you should just dismiss the notion of miracles?”
“It’s a miracle every time a new leaf grows, every time a newborn baby cries….”
*Duckman kicks Fluffy into the shredder which turns on and shreds the teddy bear*
“Every time you shut the [heck] up and DO AS I TELL YA!”

 

[QueenCobra]

“How about Mario’s Restaurant? Mini pizzas and delish desserts make this Italian eatery a must. Ravioli? Holy cannoli!”
*Beverley makes a laughing amused face while Hank sits in his chair shaking his head*
“Day and night she talks! Each word more useless than the next!”
*Bev continues to read the Zagat guide*
“The City Steakhouse serves the best beef in town. Their central lighting will set the mood for any romantic rendezvous. Ohhhhh, hear that, Hank?”
*Bev starts rubbing Hank’s leg and he shakes his head*
“Give me cancer NOW God!”

“I’m in the middle of a moron sandwich!”

 

[Yoshi155]

Bart! Where’d you get that shirt?

I don’t know. Came out of the closet.

Uh…huh.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Oh. Well it looks like Hank and I are staying in for our anniversary. Why don’t we try to find something to watch with this *Reaches down and pulls up something* TV Guide?”
“Just when I think I’m in the clear, she drags me back in!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“We filed all your cases by Solved *Empty folder* and Total Failure, Complete Failure, Utter Failure and What the Heck Were They Thinking of Hiring Me?!”
“Well done. You’ve actually inspired me to do some filing of my own.”
*Duckman grabs Fluffy and Uranus and opens a filing drawer and sticks their heads in and slams it shut decapitating them. Their headless bodies run around a bit before running into each other and falling over. One of them talks from within the filing cabinet*
“Will you be having your coffee now?”

 

[QueenCobra]

"Now, what's your favorite Katy Perry song?”
“The one when she's with another girl committing lesbian….”
"Mine's 'Alien'”
“Huh?"

 

[VernalLapin]

“What’s your teacher ick?”
Some teacher: people who wear strange socks.
“What socks do you have on, Mr. Johnson?”
Mr: Johnson: Today is PINEAPPLE MONDAY.

 

[Suguri]

Hey Andy, sweetie! Hm? What's that you're drawing?

I'm making a map!

A map? But...that looks like... A close-up of my eyes!?

That's exactly right, Peach! A map of your eyes 'cause I find myself getting lost in them.

Ohhh...rrrrRRRAAAAAAGGGHHHHH!!!!

*the screen darkens and Andy turns green*

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Owen and Larry are sitting at the kitchen table talking when Momma comes into the room and sees them*
“Who’s this?”
“This is ‘Cousin Paddy.’ He’s gonna be staying with us for awhile. Isn’t that nice?”
“You don’t have a Cousin Paddy.”
“YOU LIED TO ME!”
*Owen whacks “Paddy” in the face with a frying pan*

 

[Yoshi155]

Dad, are you hurt?

Just… my bones and… organs.

 

[QueenCobra]

“My brother used to break in our house and steal the TV.”

“But now, he’s dead.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Fran examines the frying pan that Baby had broken after hitting Earl with it in shock*
“Oh my! That’s the third one this week!”
“I think it’s the fourth.”
“Fifth if you count the wok!”

 

[Neb]

“I am cringe, therefore I am free.” - a wise person online that I forgot who it was

 

[Yoshi155]

Well, Homer, I won your respect and all I had to do was save your life. If every gay man could just do the same, you’d be set.

Amen to that.

 

[Bruscoe]

 

[Suguri]

So my little brother here has been all googly-eyed over you since yesterday. He wouldn't stop talking about you—even at home. I seriously couldn't get him to shut up.

S-Sis! What're you tellin' [them] that for, dummy!

HEY! Watch who you call "dummy," if you know what's good for you!

 

[Yoshi155]

Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you?

 

[Yoshi155]

Let’s see, I’ll take a pancreas, two sphincters and a large Coke.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“And everyone lived happily ever after. Except the Mime of course.”
*Mime gets flattened by a piano falling from the sky and Yakko pops up*
“Like I said, no place is perfect.”