The out of context quotes thread

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Twilight Sparkle is stuffing Shining Armor’s mouth with corn dogs with magic*
“25! 26! 27!”
“I’ll give you two bits an hour to foal sit Twilight and 4 Bits for Shining.”

 

[Yoshi155]

And please make Lisa tell us a bedtime story… about robots… named Rod and Todd. Amen.

Once, there was a robot named Todd-

Did he have a brother?

Yes, he had a brother robot named Rod who was two space years older than him.

I don’t like this story!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Twilight still magically stuffing Shining Armor’s mouth full with corndogs*
“57! 58! 59-“
“NO! NO MORE CORN DOGS!!!!!!!!”

 

[Yoshi155]

I thought I told you to go to bed!

Yeah. Bread. You said “go to bread.”

I said go to bed.

Yeah, go to bread.

B-E-D, bed!

Oh, bed.

 

[Yoshi155]

Okay, we’ll call it even if I can just have some of that big sandwich. *sees Bart on the floor* Oh. I’ll come back.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Y'know, if I wasn't holding my gun right now, I'd be holding my gun right now."

 

[Yoshi155]

911.

Hello, this is Lisa Simpson-

Simpson? Look, we’ve already been out there tonight for a sisterectomy, a case of severe butt-rot, and a leprechaun bite. How dumb do you think we are? *hangs up*

 

[Yoshi155]

Yo, um, I must have, like, fallen on a bullet, and it, like, drove itself into my gut.

Hey, don’t worry. You don’t have to make up stories here. Save that for court.

 

[Suguri]

I have travelled the Seven Seas, I have crossed every mountain known to man, and I know that the mighty powers that I have are enough for jerks like you. I shall put on my magic gloves of glory and shall take you on a cruise to destroy all of you.
and now i wait for my two reactions. which i got at 12:15 PM PST. XD

 

[Yoshi155]

Why is everyone ditching my comedy show to see Christopher Reeve?

Well, because he got crippled, but now he can move his finger. He’s an inspiration to us all. That’s why everyone ditched on your show.

So then how come you came?

Well, because I said I would. …I’m a dork, huh?

 

[xSuperMario64x]

"I've got glitches in my britches" - Bathaniel Nandy

 

[Yoshi155]

Tom, if irony were made of strawberries, we’d all be drinking a lot of smoothies right now.

"I've got glitches in my britches" - Bathaniel Nandy

Bro I love Bathaniel Nandy

 

[Yoshi155]

You haven’t seen the last of me Hackman! I will be back!

Dude, I am so glad we stayed out of that one.

Me too.

 

[Yoshi155]

Well, who the hell else are you going to take besides Stan and Kenny?

I’m gonna take Butters. He invited me to his birthday party last month, so I owe him one.

Butters?! You’re gonna take that butthole? Why?

Because Butters isn’t a total dick to me!

I have never been a dick to you!

Oh, please! All you ever do is call me names and rip on me for being Jewish.

Kyle, when have I ever ripped on you for being a Jew?

(Flashback containing multiple instances of Cartman doing this)

Okay, maybe except for that one time.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Don’t lie to the nice officer, Earl. We’re going to the hospital because I’m having puppies!”
*Earl looks at the Officer in confusion and shrugs*

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“The more you ruv someone
The more you want to kill ‘em!”

 

[Yoshi155]

Hi, Kyle!

That isn’t it, Cartman.

What isn’t it?

That’s not being nice. That’s just putting on a nice sweater.

I don’t understand the difference.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“The Jews have all the money and the whites have all the power!
And I am always in a taxi cab with a driver who no shower!”
“Me too!”
“Me too!”
“I CAN’T EVEN GET A TAXI!”

 

[Yoshi155]

Everybody likes you, Jimmy, and you seem to be really good with people. I was wondering if you could tell me: how do you act nice to people?

Well, the best thing is not to act nice, Eric. The best thing is to be genuinely nice.

Okay, so how do you act genuinely nice to people?

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I think you’re beautiful, Mommy.”
“Thank you, sweetie!”
“You have a pretty mustache.”