The out of context quotes thread

[Yoshi155]

The thing is, there’s not really anything wrong with The Itchy & Scratchy Show, it’s as good as ever. But after so many years, the characters just can’t have the same impact they once had.

That’s it. That’s it, little girl! You’ve saved Itchy & Scratchy!

Please sign these papers indicating that you did not save Itchy & Scratchy.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Fugly, you made bail.”
“My parents! They’ve must have come back!”
*Helga runs out of the room happily and hugs the legs of a woman whose face is not shown*
“Mommy!”
*Woman is revealed to be Mrs Hubbard and Helga gasps in horror*
“You bailed her out?”
“That’s right. I want to adopt her. I want to give her a nice home and raise her self esteem. *Places hand on Helga’s face and forced her to kneel* Lord! Cleanse this vile heathen of her wicked disgusting ways!”
“I really don’t like where this is going….”
*Mrs Hubbard starts singing Bringing Home the Sheaves and Bob joins in. Pickles is whispering to Milo*
“Let’s get out of here now!”

 

[QueenCobra]

"Sam, the first night at BED when you left, Ron made out with two girls and put his head inbetween a cocktail waitresses breasts. Also was grinding with multiple fat women. When you left crying at Klutch, Ron was holding hands and dancing with a female and took down her number. Multiple people in the house know, therefore you should know the truth. Use this information wisely.”

 

[Suguri]

Tip of the day: oranges and pinks did not make good guitars.

There's one more story of this tip, and there's only one more thing: blacks and whites make good drums!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Barbie and Chelsea are playing with dolls*
“Denise now has yoga. You be the yoga instructor.”
“Okay.”
“Take his pants off.”
“Wait. What?”
*Cut to Barbie confused as Chelsea put Yoga instructor doll away*
“Okay, I’ve seen some crazy stuff back in the day but what the heck did you make those dolls do?!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Suzanne steps through the kitchen door holding some plates and the door closes behind her*
“BOO!”
*Suzanne screams from behind the door and drops the plates she was holding and the sound of them breaking is heard*
“Consuela, you’ve got to stop doing that!”
“I scare you! I scare you! Hey get your dirty hands off me!”
“Hey! That’s my blouse!”
*Fighting is heard from behind the door as everyone else in the dining room feels awkward hearing the commotion*

 

[Yoshi155]

Excuse me, but “proactive” and “paradigm,” aren’t these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? Not that I’m accusing you of anything like that. …I’m fired, aren’t I?

Oh, yes.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Red Guy over plane’s announcement speakers*
“Attention all passengers, we’re about to experience some turbulence. Please stay in your seats and remain calm.”
*Chicken is visibly afraid and nervous when his seat starts shaking violently and he screams. Cow watches as nothing is happening to her seat and she is confused*
“Why aren’t I getting any turbulence?”
*Jump to the Red Guy underneath Chicken’s seat and making it shake while moving his body around rapidly *

 

[Yoshi155]

Hey, look, Lise, they’re adding a new character to Itchy & Scratchy! Poochie the Dog?

Adding a new character is often a desperate attempt to boost low ratings.

(Roy comes in out of nowhere)

Yo, yo, how’s it hanging, everybody?

Morning, Roy.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I have actually been accused of sexual harassment.”
*Fluffy and Uranus stare at Duckman in awkward silence. Duckman then glares angrily at them*
“I mean what a shock!”
“You?! Why Mr Duckman! We’re flabbergasted! Of all people!”
“That’s better.”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Well, don't hang back there, shorty! Come on, fight like a man, you little shriveled-up piece of sh...oe leather."

 

[Midoriya]

"If you're stuck in a difficult situation and need insurance, call All State."

*proceeds to crash car straight into another one and walks away while the other car explodes in a gulf of flames*

"And be better protected from mayhem, like me."

"Um.... is that driver dead?"

*a charred body is seen shooting out of the car and landing on the concrete*

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Who wants to eat today?”
*Heather holds up a box of treats*
“C’mon! She’s gonna feed us!”
“I made it a rule to never take food from psychos. But I’m starving!”
“Frankie, sit! Stand on your hind legs! Stand on one foot!”
“What are you? A circus dog?”
“I could be! You have a thing for circus dogs?”
“Play dead!”
*Heather holds the box of treats like a machine gun and imitates the sound while Frankie stands on two legs and starts at spinning around and stumbling as he acts out a death scene from a gangster movie. Precious watches everything in shock*
“I’m dying! Oh I’m dying! You’ve got me! I’m a goner!”
“Man that is dark!”
*Frankie falls down “dead” and Heather gives him a treat which makes him sit upright again and eagerly eats it*
“Good boy! Life is easy if you do exactly like you’re told.”
*Heather looks at Precious*
“Now it’s your turn. *Heather holds out a dog treat* Roll over.”
*Precious just stands there staring at Heather*
“I SAID ROLL OVER!”
*Precious falls down on her side Frankie is whispering to her*
“What are you doing? Roll over!”
“I don’t know how. I’m not classically trained!”
“Oh boy! This ain’t gonna be good!”

 

[Yoshi155]

“Ruff, ruff! I’m Poochie, the Rockin’ Dog!”

Now that’s just bad. You got no attitude, you’re barely outrageous, and I don’t know what you’re in, but it’s not my face. Next.

Oh, no attitude, eh? Not in your face, huh? Well, you can cram it with walnuts, ugly!

That’s it! That’s the Poochie attitude! Do that again!

Huh? I can’t, I don’t remember what I did.

Then you don’t get the job. Next!

Oh, I don’t get the job, do I? Well, boo-hoo, I don’t get to be a cartoon dog.

That’s it! You’ve got the job!

Oh, now I got the job, huh? Oh. Thank you.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I can’t believe we’re all wearing the same exact thing we wore four days ago.”
“No we’re not!”
“Trust me. Yes we are!”

 

[Suguri]

Since that the clock tried to woke me up very early, my excellent plan is to call him "red Dr. Beanson." But not just any "red Dr. Beanson," but a red Dr. Beanson that a red Dr. Beanson will torture Doctor's business and cancel his Russian music videos and destroys him. And then, I will eat a double cheeseburger after painting. But not just any double cheeseburger, but a double cheeseburger that a double cheeseburger is ingrediented flame-grilled beef, melting cheese, pickles, and ketchup. After eating double cheeseburgers, I will sing "Bananas in Pyjamas" by Newcastle, an Austrian TV show for kids. And it was daylight time, we will change it in this country. Finally, I will locate a shopping mall that is called "Birchwood." This will be located into a message from the inbox. Some soldier gave this bucket to me for being loved so very much.

 

[Yoshi155]

Hi, question for Miss Bellamy. In episode 2f09, when Itchy plays Scratchy’s skeleton like a xylophone, he strikes the same rib twice in succession yet he produces two clearly different tones. I mean, what are we, to believe that this is some sort of *snorts* magic xylophone or something? Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.

Uh, well, uh-

I’ll take care of this one. Let me ask you a question: why would a man whose shirt says “genius at work” spend all his time watching a children’s cartoon show?

…I withdraw my question.

 

[Yoshi155]

Well, look who’s here!

Hey, Poochie! You look like you’ve got something to say. Do you?

Yes, I certainly do! I have to go now. My planet needs me.

*Poochie’s character model is poorly moved into the air off screen*

Note: Poochie died on the way back to his home planet

Wow, Poochie came from another planet?

Uh, I guess.

 

[Yoshi155]

Are we ready to do this?

Yeah, hell yeah, let’s do it!

Are we badasses?

Yeah!

Are we badasses?

Yeah!!!

Alright, so… what do we do?

 

[Shawna]

“**** you, Utah! Idaho is a much much better state!”