i'm really sorry this happened to you. nobody on the staff deserves to read or receive threats of any kind, let alone sexual ones. i don't think anyone in this thread who genuinely wants to see the site improve and become a more safe/welcoming space would send something like that, or at least i'd hope not, because it doesn't benefit anyone here who's being sincere. unfortunately, when there's (i assume) anonymity involved, some people will say horrible things just to stir the situation up and cause trouble. that said, if this has been going on for two weeks, i think it should've been divulged sooner -- especially if that's why staff members have been so quiet if not entirely silent up until the cooldown was implemented. i get maybe threats are a private matter you want to deal with internally, for your own safety or whatever other reason, but you can't deny that they provide important context here, and it would've been helpful to know this was happening before now. once again though, nothing justifies threats like that!
I have been biding my time to make a full post because I wanted to have more information, and because the task became overwhelming as more topics were added. This thread moves fast for me, as someone who thinks and types slowly. Many of my opinions are late, but I didn’t want my words to go to waste, even if they might be repetitive. There are still some topics I could address, but this post is going to be long as-is; I may address them in the future.
I imagine most people will find something they agree with and something they disagree with. I don’t have any grand expectations of changing people’s minds, but I do hope my reasoning is understood, and that my words are received in good faith. I tried to reread both threads before posting this, but I make mistakes, so feel free to correct my information via DM's (or in replies, but it might be easier to DM with the 4hr CD).
First, I recognize this has very little to do with feedback until the end, and that others have made great points already regarding this, but it was really gnawing at me to say my piece. I urge anyone who assumes adult age-gap relationships are harmless, just because they're legal, to think more critically. While this absolutely can affect young men, it's most often a dynamic between older men and younger women/AFAB people. These relationships frequently involve manipulation, with the older party specifically seeking out the younger because they’re more impressionable and less likely to question things. At 18-21, most young adults don’t have the experience to be able to recognize manipulation or how to set boundaries (I believe someone already mentioned the frequent compliment of, “You’re so mature for your age!”). What agency they have in the relationship is chipped away, and they start to tolerate worse and worse behavior because they have been groomed to do so.
Grooming is sinister because it doesn’t start with obvious abuse. It begins with trust and affection and overtime shifts into emotional, financial, and/or psychological control. Predators will often target vulnerable people: those with low self-esteem, those stuck in unhealthy/abusive living situations, and those who have little to no support system. They love-bomb the victim or offer financial security, only to later isolate their partner and create dependence. This is a manipulation tactic and a power dynamic that lasts long after the age gap reaches an “acceptable” range; the older partner makes the decisions and gets away with horrible behavior they shouldn't, while the younger feels lucky just to have them, because they were “saved” by them. The relationship never truly reaches equal ground.
Yes, there are always exceptions, but basing your opinion on rare outliers is neither an informed nor a responsible take.
I think it’s important to take an anti-grooming stance and I support it being added to the rules, although I’m not sure it would be able to cover adult age gap relationships.
I don’t know why the clarifications from Betsy were taken as a confession to something heinous. As far as I understood Betsy's argument, she was not saying she thought of sexual identity as sexual content. She said that it could be considered that. Could in this instance doesn't mean "I believe this", it means, "someone could believe this, and if that person is a staff member, then discussions of sexual identity could be banned,” and she reiterated that she doesn’t support that.
To go from
“Some people think this way”
to
“Literally no one is thinking this, to even infer that people could think this, is evidence of your homophobia”
is jumping to conclusions and isn’t fair IMO. I hope no one here thinks that. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a legitimate worry of Betsy’s.
I can only understand the frustration from this exchange, if people were trying to correct Betsy’s information by saying, “no staff member thinks sexual content and sexual identity are the same, thus it is not an issue in the first place", and Betsy kept claiming it was still a possibility – THEN that would just be arguing for the sake of arguing, and your frustration makes sense. I would recommend disengaging from any person doing this when it reaches that point.
But even if that’s what occurred, I STILL wouldn’t immediately jump to the conclusion that she’s homophobic. That is a serious accusation. One can point out harmful views without sharing them. I understand not assuming good faith after previous disagreements, but in this instance, it feels as though people were looking for an opportunity to find something truly evil, so that they could disregard her as a person. I don’t want to think that, because there’s many of you whom I respect and like. I hope that it was just anger over the whole situation that caused a misinterpretation of what she was saying.
I'll preface this by saying, it's no great consequence to me whether TBT outright bans suggestive content, and I do not support explicit sexual content. As my post history will attest to, I don't typically talk about that sort of thing here. The rules lean closer towards family-friendly than PG-13, so I keep my colorful humor and speech outside of the site. I treat my public posts like how Blue mentioned in their post - things I would say in the company of strangers.
However, I really don't think there's anything wrong with thinking suggestive humor is OK. It already happens on the forum (and during Jackbox games), and I haven't seen complaints about it. Suggestive humor isn't anything worse than what a 13 year old has already heard in school. They put it in kids’ movies, lol. Not to put members I like on blast, but stuff happens in the basement all the time that is risqué. One member was playfully annoying people by posting cursed images of frequently meme’d Pokemon (Typlosion, Vaporeon, Lucario, etc). The Pokémon art they were posting wasn’t sexualized, but if you know, you know. I think that this would be against the rules in a G-rated forum.
With what I gathered from Jeremy’s original post, I got the impression that the staff would prefer the site to remain PG-13. I get it, because I grew up on forums, and the rules were significantly less strict. Back when I moderated a Harvest Moon forum as a teen and young adult, we had a zero-tolerance policy for sexual content outside of one specific subforum - The Back Room. It was the only place politics, religion, and "tame" discussions of sex could exist (the forum never allowed explicit depictions of sex, it was more for discussions such as ‘would you/did you wait to have sex until marriage’). There was this understanding that, if you were underage, you were choosing to sit at the adults' table and you were going to be treated accordingly, since there was no way to validate age and prevent minors from joining. It was also hidden from non-members.
These days, it’s difficult to justify a place like that. Forums aren’t the proto-social media they used to be, where you got to know people solely through the forum. It makes sense that people were curious about others’ deeper thoughts back then. Now, when you want to know someone more intimately (in a platonic sense), you’ll get each other’s Discords or another messaging app and chat there.
It's standard for fandom discords to either ban NSFW content entirely or restrict the NSFW channel for those who verify they are 18+. People are right that kids can still lie, but there really isn’t much more you can do with the current state of things.
TBT needs to decide what it wants to be, because toeing the line is not something easily achieved in this age.
I don’t think it was inappropriate for TSMWPSBNETIOBN to come back and address the misunderstandings. I feel like it would’ve been more damning not to say anything. Anyone in that position would’ve struggled to prevent themselves from clarifying with accusations that heavy. Despite this, I have a lot of criticisms towards TSMWPSBNETIOBN, and I hope that their hiatus is legitimate.
To me, TSMWPSBNETIOBN’s post was inappropriate for the forum, although I can understand why some users, including TSMWPSBNETIOBN, thought it was okay to post, considering the choice content that has been allowed here over the years. However, like I said in a previous post, staff members must be held to a higher standard than others. Awesome that the staff agrees, but I don’t understand why the consequence is so light. The hiatus isn’t a punishment – that’s something they need to do for themselves regardless. Does every staff member get 1 free get-out-of-demotion card?
I am not cool with TSMWPSBNETIOBN’s numerous expressions of toxic masculinity, which make them unfit for a position that influences how others think, especially with impressionable minors around. As someone who has been in LGBT+ spaces since she was a young teen, I get the reasoning behind this behavior, but it is not appropriate coming from a staff member, no matter where you are in your identity journey. I’m glad that they recognize this behavior as problematic, at least.
Using TBT like a diary was a mistake - and it really does feel like that’s what they were doing - because from mine and others’ observations, they were content to talk about their day-to-day, while ignoring legitimate concerns. Maybe this helped their overall mental health, but it comes across as self-absorbed. Observing this made me assume one of three things was true:
“This person is arrogant and thinks they’re untouchable,”
“This person doesn’t actually care about their impact or the community itself”, and,
“This person is deeply insecure/anxious/not in a good mental headspace and has no business being in a leadership position.”
I’m not even the victim, and it hurt to witness this. TSMWPSBNETIOBN’s wording in the edited post about age gaps felt passive-aggressive to me, like, “I’m only doing this because I have to,” and with how long it took them to address the Valentine’s incident, how do we know the regret comes from a sincere place? I completely understand the staff wanting to protect their friend due to their shared history. But they have admitted to struggling to emotionally connect with this incident, so how are they going to do their job when so many forum issues require diplomacy and empathy?
If you think a hiatus is enough of a punishment for these repeated instances of misconduct, please explain why you feel that way. I don’t think the staff have to be perfect – I certainly wasn’t when I was a mod/admin elsewhere. But, whether you agree with them or not, you have an audience of people who don’t trust this person.
I don't know what happens behind the scenes, but there has got to be some kind of system to deal with staff violations. You’re a team, and you’ve been through a lot together, but it’s important for you to hold each other accountable. When I was forum staff, mods and admins could still receive warnings for breaking the rules, though members were not aware of this. I personally liked how smogon took the time to explain how a user can report staff abuse of power, and that no one was above facing consequences.
I believe LadyDestani mentioned earlier that staff wanted to make a post detailing the staff discussion process, so that members might understand why it takes so long to come up with a response. IMO, this should have been one of the first posts you made.
I hope this is acceptable staff criticism because I need to name these members to get my point across. The last time Thunder was credited for an event, for an item that wasn’t made years prior, was Halloween 2021 (and even then, I’m not sure if that’s an old item or not). Their only posts for the past couple years have been sporadic and not anything to do with being moderator.
It’s my understanding that Project Staff isn’t expected to take an active, day-to-day moderating role and just work on events, but years of inactivity is wild. I make that assumption because I rarely see them involved outside of events (which makes me sad, I would love to see fellow birb enthusiast Nefarious more often!!!) But dizzy bone hasn’t posted in almost a year, and they’re a mod.
Rotating responsibilities is essential to easing the burden of leadership. Only a handful of staff seem consistently active, leaving them to shoulder the weight of major issues alone. That’s an unfair burden, and I can only imagine how discouraging it must feel. Gradually addressing concerns on a weekly basis, even if a singular topic needs to be divided into parts, would build trust more than huge updates that take weeks.
If the inactive staff members are working behind the scenes, that’s great, but from a regular member’s perspective, it feels like certain staff don’t want to be a part of the community at all. This is the only forum I’ve been on where I genuinely don’t know who half the team is, whereas other forums, I could jot down a small summary of their personality. If moderation is delayed because every decision requires input from mostly inactive members, then that structure is actively harming TBT.
I want to believe in the team, but the lack of transparency is a problem. I agree with Jacob that staff members who are inactive should have some indicator conveying this. We need more open communication.
Leadership is stressful and requires the ability to navigate negativity and take things in stride. So, if frustration with your members leads to resentment or defensiveness, you must address that anger within yourself before you make public statements. Otherwise, you risk undermining the integrity of the entire team and the community’s trust.
This role would be especially helpful if TBT moves toward a more G or PG-rated forum, but it could still benefit the community as-is. My idea is for a position, possibly with limited moderation capabilities, focused on member wellbeing. Community Liaisons could help flag or remove problematic content, mediate disputes, and potentially reach out to individuals the community has concerns about. They could also serve as a safe place to vent concerns instead of going through CTS or the Feedback thread.
These can be picked by the staff, but I think they should be approved by the community, kind of like how we vote to retain judges in elections. That way, both parties have someone in power that they trust. Given the sensitive nature of the role, a review of their post history would be crucial to ensure they’re a good fit and aren’t a risk to the community itself.
Even with a role like this, the entire community needs to stay vigilant, especially when it comes to protecting minors. It’s important to do this while retaining some form of distance – predators can and do pose as protectors to purposefully get minors close to them, claiming that they're "a safe space" when they’re the furthest from it)
I'm not sure there’s a purpose in keeping up threads like that sex thread or discriminatory comments. If you think of the forums as an archive, or you want to keep rule-breaking posts up as a warning, these posts should at least have a disclaimer from a mod to indicate that these comments are no longer allowed, or why they break the rules.
The rules need a better explanation of what gives warnings, what gives bans, and how many warnings escalate into a ban. I understand that this can be on a case-by-case basis, but I still think this could be communicated better.
Additionally, I want to bring up another case of inconsistent ruling on sexual content that also serves as an example of unnecessarily slow staff response. There was a member last year who creatively entered a wardrobe event for TBT’s anniversary by making their character wear a “birthday suit”. A lot of people found the user’s cleverness funny. I would not have barred my 13+ nieces from seeing this, because the game itself depicts artistic nudity in furniture, and it was just silly. This user didn’t get told their submission was rejected until it was too late to create another one, and as a result, they missed out on a really fun event. If staff had been more proactive and consistent, this wouldn’t have happened.
I agree with daringred that The Banned User's (TBU) posts in the Backdrops thread were unnecessarily aggressive. TBU is passionate about matters of justice, but at times their language can come across as dismissive of differing viewpoints. That's why I posted when I did, because I felt like many people (not just TBU) were being unfair to the non-Americans who were fine with or even liked the puzzle piece. I understand why it’s abhorred in North America, but it requires nuance when considering the global community.
This, I assume, is what Jeremy’s comment about dog-piling occurring when TBU speaks, was referring to. TBU is considered by many to be someone they look up to, who tries to do the right thing. This can make more impressionable members go, "Oh! TBU is against this? Then I have to be, too, or I'm a bad person." It's tough to have different opinions from your friends or community members you admire.
Still, it’s a hard sell to say this is TBU’s fault, unless they pressured people on an individual basis. I also feel like whatever warning they had before their last should have indicated that a year ban would be on the table if they broke the rules again.
Aerith’s Final Fantasy Opinion
In this thread, I have viewed many people misconstrue what someone has said.
I don't want to assume the worst of people. Maybe they aren't the way I wish they would be right now, but that doesn't mean they can't come to eventually. Am I disappointed when they fail my expectations of goodness? Absolutely, but I also recognize that I don’t have all the answers, and that my own values can be fallible. I try, but don’t always succeed, to give people the benefit of the doubt, even when I don't vibe with them personally.
I consider myself a decent judge of character and people's intentions. I truly believe that our community is full of people who are good or can be good. My life experiences have shown me that, on an individual basis, people can genuinely change after having positive experiences with people they disagree with, rather than avoiding them. There are obvious lines in the sand with this; I don’t think vulnerable people should cozy up to their oppressors and that that will somehow lead to world peace. My patience is not for people in power; my patience is for the everyday person.
I don't think this mindset is for everyone. It’s very taxing to be around people who don’t share your values, especially for marginalized individuals whose every day is dealing with injustices that they shouldn’t have to. I am not insisting that everyone should be like me or to give people infinite chances. But seeing people write off others who disagree with them on 1-2 things, as irredeemable, so quickly, does make my heart sink. With who I am as a person, that doesn’t feel like, “something a good person would do”.
But those are my values, not yours. Tensions are high, there are multiple issues that need to be addressed; I can understand why tempers are short after this being stretched out for so long. No one is entitled to good faith forever (or at all, really, but it is something I hope people give).
I see a lot of unhappy people; active members are leaving or taking a hiatus. I see many who find this whole situation painful and overwhelming. I hope everyone can ask themselves, “What am I trying to accomplish when I enter this thread?” and that they have an answer that is healthy for them.
But if seeing this thread stresses you out, please be good to yourself and stop looking at it: you have the self-discipline to do so. If you have no faith in the staff or you're disturbed by certain members, do you think that this faith can be realistically returned, and do you think that any new ruling will adjust their behavior? This is not me saying anyone’s feelings are wrong, this is me hoping that people take care of themselves.
That being said: the situation is beyond normal de-escalation techniques. Apologies are a first step, but they need to be backed with decisive action. It's hard to fix an us vs. them situation when grievances fester. I understand the staff’s thought process of giving people space by limiting conversation, but people aren't cooling down. They're communicating with their friends and those who agree with them, and keeping the fires stoked.
I love TBT, the friends I have made here, and I cherish my acquaintances, too. This sentiment we share is why we have this thread. I hope that the thread's purpose can be fulfilled sooner than later.
Just wanted to say kudos for such a well thought out post, that also proves that criticism can be nuanced and constructive.
Imo it always a good feat if we can admit we dont have all the answers, and that our perception and interpretation of things might not always be the right one, or the only version of the truth.
I wish I had more eloquent words to say right now, but all I have is that I am horrified, and disgusted, and just so sorry. I am just so sorry that you've had to face this.
I don’t know why the clarifications from Betsy were taken as a confession to something heinous. As far as I understood Betsy's argument, she was not saying she thought of sexual identity as sexual content. She said that it could be considered that. Could in this instance doesn't mean "I believe this", it means, "someone could believe this, and if that person is a staff member, then discussions of sexual identity could be banned,” and she reiterated that she doesn’t support that.
To go from
“Some people think this way”
to
“Literally no one is thinking this, to even infer that people could think this, is evidence of your homophobia”
is jumping to conclusions and isn’t fair IMO. I hope no one here thinks that. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a legitimate worry of Betsy’s.
I can only understand the frustration from this exchange, if people were trying to correct Betsy’s information by saying, “no staff member thinks sexual content and sexual identity are the same, thus it is not an issue in the first place", and Betsy kept claiming it was still a possibility – THEN that would just be arguing for the sake of arguing, and your frustration makes sense. I would recommend disengaging from any person doing this when it reaches that point.
But even if that’s what occurred, I STILL wouldn’t immediately jump to the conclusion that she’s homophobic. That is a serious accusation. One can point out harmful views without sharing them. I understand not assuming good faith after previous disagreements, but in this instance, it feels as though people were looking for an opportunity to find something truly evil, so that they could disregard her as a person. I don’t want to think that, because there’s many of you whom I respect and like. I hope that it was just anger over the whole situation that caused a misinterpretation of what she was saying.
I've largely been lurking in this thread (and will likely continue to do so), and largely agree with your post overall. I especially agree with the idea that most people are acting in good faith, and that most conflict stems from misunderstanding rather than malice. But that's exactly why I did want to touch upon this one topic, not just regarding Betsy, as similar situations with other users have occurred before, and I keep seeing history repeat itself on here. Though it's hard to discuss posts from specific users without it seeming this way, I'm not attempting to dig up old arguments here. Rather I'm trying to mediate and try to explain how the other side of this might be feeling (though I can really only explain how I felt and how I think others felt) to try and clear up this recurring misunderstanding.
I am also under the belief Betsy did not personally support banning discussion of sexual orientation, and that she was including heterosexuality under that umbrella as well. However, something that I think is getting lost in this is that I don't think the frustration towards these posts, or posts from others in the past discussing how someone might ""disagree"" with same-gender marriage*, are based in misunderstanding where that person is coming from. *The scare quotes here are not intended to directly quote another user, I've not revisited old posts in writing this. They are there to dismiss the notion that same-gender marriage is something that can be disagreed with to begin with, in general.
It's been my understanding that, in these cases, one party would be playing "devil's advocate" in raising these points, and that most other users involved in the discussion understand this as well. I think what these users have been trying to get across is being misinterpreted. The problem with playing devil's advocate for homophobia, even if you don't hold that belief yourself and make that very clear, is that it lends a certain level of validity to those arguments, whether you want it to or not. People can still be swayed by someone repeating arguments they don't personally agree with. That, and we have to deal with people who dogenuinely hold those beliefs making those same arguments all the time. It is emotionally draining and exhausting to have who you are as a person used as a topic for debate, to philosophize, or to make a point about an unrelated subject.
Telling someone "hey, you're spreading rhetoric that is harmful to this group, and it hurts for us to see" is not the same thing as accusing someone of being a bigot in general. Good people, marginalized people, anybody can sometimes perpetuate harm without ever meaning to. Understandably, when someone is supportive of a group and anti-bigotry, it can hurt to be told you're doing something that reflects the opposite of your ideals—truly, I can empathize. I tend to get defensive when I'm told I might be in the wrong, both because I want to be a good person (like most people do), but also partly because of my own issues with insecurity, and it's something I'd like to work on.
But people can't learn when they're doing something hurtful unless they're told that it IS hurtful in the first place. I feel like the feelings of those who are being told "you're hurting us" are being prioritized over feelings of the marginalized people who are being hurt, and the people being hurt are being framed as attackers.
Staff have expressed a desire for TBT to be a place where well-meaning people can be educated if they're unintentionally spreading harm, and I genuinely think that's very admirable, and much-needed in a world where marginalized groups are increasingly at risk. (And since I'm pinging, as a quick aside, LadyDestani, I want to say I truly appreciate your posts throughout this thread, and to thank you for listening and putting in so much work for us as a community. I think you're doing a wonderful job, genuinely.)
When it comes to members who are uneducated or misinformed regarding sensitive topics, we choose to make a good faith attempt at educating them. This group can include vulnerable members who have been misled but have the capacity to change. We don’t believe they are bad people and when we reach out to them with kindness, they often ask questions in an effort to understand or display remorse for hurting people. The process is not overnight. It takes time for anyone to readjust their way of thinking and unlearn bad habits. However, we believe that TBT is one of the better places for that to happen since they are surrounded by a variety of members from different marginalized groups and can see first-hand that we are all simply human. Plus, the people of TBT are without a doubt some of the kindest and most wonderful I’ve ever encountered.
We recognize that this does put an extra burden on you, our valued members, in being exposed to the mistakes these members make along the way, but we will do better about shouldering this burden so you don’t have to. We don’t expect any of you to have do the educating, only to be tolerant of people as they better themselves. We will accept that responsibility and still try to protect this space by removing offending posts quickly and communicating with these members privately so they can learn from their mistakes. The one thing we do not want to do is push them out where they will likely gravitate to places that echo their misguided beliefs and become more entrenched in them.
But for us to get there, the trust that staff will handle this needs to be built first. Right now, I can't have faith that staff will handle these situations in the future when it feels like we're working with different definitions of what's harmful to marginalized groups and what isn't. Posts that multiple LGBTQ+ users have expressed are harmful, and have pointed out to staff as such, are still up to this day. It has historically fallen to the community to be the ones to say "this is hurtful" if the posts aren't flagrantly so, and when we do, we are still being told that we're misunderstanding, that we're deliberately mischaracterizing the other parties in bad faith, that we're just looking for someone to be mad at for the sake of it. It is exhausting and it is a major part of why so many people feel like TBT is not a safe place for LGBTQ+ users.
That kind of message is evil, repulsive, immature, cowardly, and absolutely inexcusable in any circumstance.
I haven't crossed into this side of the community enough to fathom that somebody here would send something of that nature but I sincerely hope they do a serious reevaluation of themselves. That's not okay.
I'm so sorry you received that message Oblivia, that is absolutely sickening and deplorable. I truly hope that it was not anyone participating in this thread, and perhaps instead a troll who has been lurking - regardless, it was not acceptable on any level and I hope such harassment stops and never occurs again.
@Oblivia that is incredibly shocking to read, it's abhorrent and absolutely disgusting. no matter what the site opinion is regarding the staff, you guys do not deserve that kind of disrespect. I mean, wow, I'm just apalled.
I can't speak for everybody, but I want to say that I appreciate the clarification on what's happening behind the scenes. I'm sure it is overwhelming. and I think theres a fine line between expressing disappointment in the delayed responses of site staff, and straight up insulting and threatening staff members.
it's absolutely disgraceful whoever sent that to Oblivia and makes me glad i'm distancing myself from tbt, i hope there's a way of investigating where that came from so they can be removed from the forum, i understand the importance of anonymity but i'm more concerned about the safety of members (including staff)
edited out my own experience bc I don’t want to get into a bad headspace actually
Proving my point. My feedback is my feedback. I think everyone here needs to lighten up (WITH REGARDS TO MY FEEDBACK, NOT TRANSPHOBIA OR SEXUAL ASSAULT) (Before I get misinterpreted again)
EDIT: Some of y'all are taking my OG post in a way that is uncharitable to me. My post is mainly directed at staff and they know what I'm talking about. Not trying to derail your discussion here, but if we're airing it all out in here, I'm airing it all out in here.
Also, just because I say "Aye y'all should delete this thread" instead of "It is my opinion that this thread should be deleted. It is causing a major disruption to the community and is causing harm. Please consider this action" does not make the feedback any less valuable! For a community so focused on inclusion and making space for everyone in a safe way, how about we include some linguistic diversity? We all express ourselves differently and it's rude to make assumptions based on that.
I encourage you all to approach things you don't understand with curiosity rather than an opportunity to debate.
I’m really sorry that the whole staff team has been facing attacks from others. Especially the sexual threats. I’m sure many of us discussed this thread off-site. Even I have discussed this thread off-site. But I was more concerned about the community. The staff team may have made some mistakes in the past, but nothing warrants comments like this.
I'm so sorry that this is happening to you Oblivia. Likewise, I had to deal with an anon too on another forum and it takes time to get over it. What I'd like to mention is that anons are cowards and I call them people without an indentity, because for people like that I have zero respect.
I genuinely can't believe it has to be said, but do NOT make physical and/or sexual violence posts targetted to staff (or anyone else, for that matter)
call them out, question their ability to lead, and show skepticism and/or frustration at their responses, but the second you bring assault into this, you've crossed a bridge way too far. and if this is how you handle things, then I sure hope you're a snot-nosed little kid who thinks this sort of stuff is "cool" and "edgy" (spoilers: it's not and has never been). if you're a grown adult though, then please **** off out of this community (and quite frankly, society in general)
Oblivia, I'm so sorry you received that message, and I'm sorry to staff as a whole for having to read the other unacceptable messages you've been getting over the past few weeks. That's absolutely sickening and to send something like that in the name of another user is abhorrent. We are all speaking out to try to make this community safer for all members, staff included, and if you think that kind of message is in any way okay you are not safe for the community and are not welcome in it.
I get that this situation is so upsetting, but that's just messed up. Y'all should be deeply ashamed of yourself if you resort to violence or telling someone to commit suicide, self-harm, or anything in between.
If one of you reading this was part of that you can just get out. You're not welcome here. I've had horrible friends do that to me and wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'm so sorry and deeply disturbed that you all are having that happen.
Oblivia thank you for giving us that context of what’s happening privately
I do want to say that I feel like the energy of this thread is shifting positively, and I think that is the exact outcome we need from public conflict resolution. While I still think the ball is largely in staff’s court, I’m really glad the community has come together even slightly to understand where we’re all coming from
Oblivia, thank you for sharing this information with us. I know I was critical of your first apology, but I appreciated your amended response and felt that was an appropriate apology to the van situation. Even if people don’t have to accept your apology, you do not deserve this revolting behavior.
Although I am upset about the inaction of staff, I am more disgusted by the abhorrent messages you received, Oblivia. I’m so sorry you had to read such vile words and I hope you are taking the time you need to mentally recover from this.
I (and many others) genuinely wish for a peaceful & civil resolution, and in no way advocate violent threats towards staff or other members.
My next statement goes to Jeremy and Jeremy alone. Please consider that most of us are trying to raise awareness into the current issues of this forum. And as pointed out by other users, the basis of a forum is the discussion. It would be beneficial to lower the cooldown & to at least post periodically that staff are still working on a unified response—this shows staff are actively involved & hearing feedback rather than being silent for long periods. Your periodic silence is affecting not only the members, but your staff as well.
As per my previous point, I think overhauling the staff team could be beneficial or @Aerith’s community liaison idea. I think there have been many constructive suggestions in this thread and many of us hope to hear some of these may be implemented.
While there may be a lot of emotions involved in this thread, there is no reason or excuse to be sending threats to ANYONE. Majority of us want & are advocating for a safer space within TBT and do not condone abuse & violence within the community.
I have a question. If you send a form through Contact Us, will your IP Address be recorded in the message? You could use the IP test to figure out which users have done it. You could also use their e-mail addresses and see which accounts use these e-mails.
I am sorry that such a vile message was sent to you, Oblivia. I am also sorry for any other attacks other Staff are enduring during this time.
If the censored name is what I assume, the tail end of that message makes me suspect that it could be someone who either doesn't like [redacted] and wants to poison the well or even someone who just wanted to use the anonymity to sow more chaos.
Regardless of the source or motivation, whoever wrote that should be ashamed of themself.
Emotions may be flaring during this time, but this isn't how anything gets resolved. Truly immature and unacceptable behavior. As the community works to try to build a better future for itself, I encourage whoever wrote that or anything similar to work on and build a better you.
I have a question. If you send a form through Contact Us, will your IP Address be recorded in the message? You could use the IP test to figure out which users have done it. You could also use their e-mail addresses and see which accounts use these e-mails.
There have been so many topics that have been brought up the last few weeks and it has taken me forever to get through it l as I missed the first day or two on the feedback thread after the ban. It literally took me two days to catch up. And then with all of the aftermath that has happened since it has taken me even longer to read through it all.
There are a lot of things that have been covered by a lot of members that I wholeheartedly agree with, and there are a lot of things that feel a little iffy to me. I usually try to not jump in with accusations, or opinions, or debate unless I know all the facts. There are certain things that I will never join in conversationally on a public forum. I have a very large, very divided political family. My great grandfather, for example, actually ran for Congress against his good friend, LBJ back in his day. (He obviously lost. ) My grandmother had eight children that were all heavy into politics, and very, very equally divided. I will not talk politics with my family, I will not talk politics at work and I will not talk politics here. I myself come on this forum to escape all of that noise, but coming on right now and seeing the heavy concert of noise going on really does kind of break my heart and on a lot of it I don’t even know how to respond.
I’ve stayed pretty quiet on the site throughout all of this as a lot of it makes me just sick to see so much of this going on. I am not here to point fingers or assign blame. I’m here to remind everybody (staff included) that this is an animal crossing site and I feel like we have lost focus of that. I feel so much empathy for what is going on, but I also feel enraged with some of the decisions that have been made. I am one of the older members. I’m not old, but I have been here almost 12 years and I came to the site in my 30s to look for villagers for my town & my kids’ towns I made some friends rather quickly and most of those original friends have come and gone from this site and then I would make new friends who have now come and gone as well from here as well but that I’ve stayed very close to. When I see SO many people leaving right now, I really have to ask myself and all of you, why are we OK with so many people leaving. It means something is very very wrong for this many people to leave at the same time and we need to figure out a solution to make this place safe again.
Before I go any further, I want to address the spoiler in Oblivia’s post. It’s not OK. I know a lot of you feel the same on this one and I know I’m not speculating or putting words into anyone’s mouth on this, but it’s not OK. As this is a 13+ forum, we really shouldn’t have to be worrying about violence in any form like what was sent to Oblivia. It is just 100% not OK and I hope staff can find a way to pinpoint what user sent this.
I work at a job with a lot of people quite a bit younger than me and hear a lot of things that are wildly inappropriate (from young adults and older), and in a different job setting most of this would not be tolerated, but at my workplace, it has somehow become the norm and in many instances, has caused toxicity in my workplace. This does not need to become the norm here. As a community, we need to fix this. Not just by staff, but by everybody.
I am bringing my job into this because it is a huge part of my life that I feel like I can use as an example. I have been at my job almost 16 years and I’ve seen a lot of staff come and go, some that I have loved dearly and some that have made me want to leave. I have also dealt with a lot of Management that has come and gone, some that I have dearly loved and some that once again have made me want to leave. What keeps me there is the love I have for my job as a whole. The same way I feel about TBT as a WHOLE. We have problems arise often that are dealt with either by just Management or by a team of us (I am not management by the way nor do I ever want to be Management there), during which we get together and discuss and try to come up with solutions. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t.
We had a guy that was fired over something that while we understood that what he did might be considered wrong, it seemed a little excessive. None of us understood why he was not just suspended, but as other people started pointing out, it felt like they were just looking for a reason because management did not seem to like him. To this day, we still don’t know the reasons why management chose this one thing to fire him over when he was seemingly a pretty decent Employee.
I realize that the staff does hold prior warnings on the banned member and I’m not trying to gang up, but going from a one week ban to a one year ban does seem very very excessive.
We also had a situation a couple years ago that went on for months with one employee that was allowed to do things that the rest of us were not allowed to do (things that were actually against company policy.) This person was allowed to do them often with no repercussions.
I may not be a very loud voice on this site but I am at my workplace and I strive there to advocate for fairness. I try my best to pick my battles and I do my very best to not go in half cocked. I always try to go in with all the facts and listen, not hear, but LISTEN to all sides. I am here in this feedback thread to listen, and I truly truly hope as a whole, this community can come up with a number of solutions to fix how broken this place is right now.
There are still some topics I could address, but this post is going to be long as-is; I may address them in the future.
) My grandmother had eight children that were all heavy into politics, and very, very equally divided. I will not talk politics with my family, I will not talk politics at work and I will not talk politics here. I myself come on this forum to escape all of that noise, but coming on right now and seeing the heavy concert of noise going on really does kind of break my heart and on a lot of it I don’t even know how to respond.
I made some friends rather quickly and most of those original friends have come and gone from this site and then I would make new friends who have now come and gone as well from here as well but that I’ve stayed very close to. When I see SO many people leaving right now, I really have to ask myself and all of you, why are we OK with so many people leaving. It means something is very very wrong for this many people to leave at the same time and we need to figure out a solution to make this place safe again. 
