racial preferences in dating

[ali.di.magix]

Of course not. It's fine to have preferences, just as long as you're not straight up being discriminative or think you're choosing a "superior" race.

It's kinda a fine line, but I also hope that a particular preference isn't a result of how they're represented in the media. For example, there's heaps of under-representation of Asian men, or over sexualisation of Asian women. Like you gotta realise that those are hugely stereotypes and that's not a reason to not give them a chance.

 

[Antonio]

Racism: prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior.

It depends really on why they don't want to date someone of that race. If it's because of a preference, then it's fine but if your preference is based off of racist intent then it's racist.

 

[Dormire]

I say, it's not. I guess it's biased because I literally won't date any Asian men but because I really don't want to be binded by the toxic familial culture/bonds that Asians love to practice. This relies heavily on tradition, beliefs (religious) and etc. It seem shallow but I really am tired of Asian societal things, my home is a cesspool of toxic Asian traditions that I want to avoid it like the plague. Sure, not all practice it but I really don't want to take chances. I can give it a chance if I really am head over heels towards an Asian guy but it never happened. LOL. IDEK why. I really am just repelled.

I think saying "I don't date ugly/poor people" is more offensive, imo.

 

[tumut]

I say, it's not. I guess it's biased because I literally won't date any Asian men but because I really don't want to be binded by the toxic familial culture/bonds that Asians love to practice. This relies heavily on tradition, beliefs (religious) and etc. It seem shallow but I really am tired of Asian societal things, my home is a cesspool of toxic Asian traditions that I want to avoid it like the plague. Sure, not all practice it but I really don't want to take chances. I can give it a chance if I really am head over heels towards an Asian guy but it never happened. LOL. IDEK why. I really am just repelled.

I think saying "I don't date ugly/poor people" is more offensive, imo.

I wont date ugly people lmaoooo. Also im sure plenty of Asians dont practice that and its all in your head, it sounds like youve never gotten to know an asian person.

 

[riummi]

I say, it's not. I guess it's biased because I literally won't date any Asian men but because I really don't want to be binded by the toxic familial culture/bonds that Asians love to practice. This relies heavily on tradition, beliefs (religious) and etc. It seem shallow but I really am tired of Asian societal things, my home is a cesspool of toxic Asian traditions that I want to avoid it like the plague. Sure, not all practice it but I really don't want to take chances. I can give it a chance if I really am head over heels towards an Asian guy but it never happened. LOL. IDEK why. I really am just repelled.

I think saying "I don't date ugly/poor people" is more offensive, imo.

it's probably where you live that contributes to your view of them that way ;; from what I know most Asians in the bay area really don't have as strict traditions or religions. I guess if you do get unlucky then you might meet someone with very strict family beliefs but I've never actually encountered it.

 

[tumut]

Still cant comprehend how its less offensive to say "i dont date blacks", than "i dont ugly people".

Like you cant be mad at people for wanting to date someone hot, not sorry but if that mother****er look like quasimodo im not gonna touch them with a 10ft pole.

 

[Acruoxil]

Having preferences =/= being racist

 

[Dormire]

I wont date ugly people lmaoooo. Also im sure plenty of Asians dont practice that and its all in your head, it sounds like youve never gotten to know an asian person.

"my home is a cesspool of toxic Asian tradition" Implies I'm one. Also beauty is subjective. I'd never judge anyone just for their appearance or financial status. They can get plastic surgery if it bothers them but never I'd let appearance get away with love. The reason why I'm completely repelled with dating Asians is because of family traditions and I date to marry. I don't date for fun. I want to settle with them and I don't want my low self esteem be pulvurized by my in-laws. Like most Asian families do in Asia . Westernized Asians are more liberal with the "destroy the children's self esteem for excellence" unlike pure Asians who stayed in Asia.

- - - Post Merge - - -

it's probably where you live that contributes to your view of them that way ;; from what I know most Asians in the bay area really don't have as strict traditions or religions. I guess if you do get unlucky then you might meet someone with very strict family beliefs but I've never actually encountered it.

I'm from the Philippines and literally westernized Asians or Asians living in western areas are changed for the better. I dated Filams before and they were chill so did their parents. LDR was the rift though so we haven't been sucessful but it's ok. I had fun. Having loose beliefs is better. They seem happy and more accepted by their families. Here in my place you have to slave for your parents. I get it that they're family but not to be binded by them y'know? To clarify, I don't date asians for the strict familial traditions but if ever they had a more lax family and happen to be into them, I'd try but the anxiety is still there.

 

[SnakeEater]

It's not racist to not date someone you're not attracted to.

 

[Warrior]

I don't think it's racist to have preferences, but I do think sometimes people are actually usually 'preferences' as a shield when they are in fact racist. I think plenty of people just have preferences, and that's fine, but I think a lot of people like to forget that racism is also affecting those preferences.

I saw an interesting video on this recently. A girl was saying she always thought "I would never date a middle eastern man", but after she was exposed to a middle eastern man who was kind, intelligent and handsome, she changed her mind and started to find middle eastern men attractive.

I think preferences are fine, but I think ignoring the affect of racism on your preferences is a little short sighted. Basically I'm sure if you thought "oh I would never date a black man" but you then met a black man who checked off every feature you looked for in a partner ... well I think you'd be very silly to not at least try it out.

For me? My preferences are mainly to do with features to do with build, and I've seen people of all races with the build I find attractive. I'd date anyone if they looked like they could suplex a truck tbh. Don't matter what colour you are to me baby so long as you're big enough for me to sit on shoulder like a parrot you got the job.

 

[Kamzitty]

"my home is a cesspool of toxic Asian tradition" Implies I'm one. Also beauty is subjective. I'd never judge anyone just for their appearance or financial status. They can get plastic surgery if it bothers them but never I'd let appearance get away with love. The reason why I'm completely repelled with dating Asians is because of family traditions and I date to marry. I don't date for fun. I want to settle with them and I don't want my low self esteem be pulvurized by my in-laws. Like most Asian families do in Asia . Westernized Asians are more liberal with the "destroy the children's self esteem for excellence" unlike pure Asians who stayed in Asia.

- - - Post Merge - - -



I'm from the Philippines and literally westernized Asians or Asians living in western areas are changed for the better. I dated Filams before and they were chill so did their parents. LDR was the rift though so we haven't been sucessful but it's ok. I had fun. Having loose beliefs is better. They seem happy and more accepted by their families. Here in my place you have to slave for your parents. I get it that they're family but not to be binded by them y'know? To clarify, I don't date asians for the strict familial traditions but if ever they had a more lax family and happen to be into them, I'd try but the anxiety is still there.

I completely understand what you're saying!! I dated a Korean man a couple years back and he was a great person, but his mother in particular took a disliking to me and even tried to convince him multiple times that he should leave me, since I would make him "depressed". (I asked why she thought that and he said she had a feeling I was a "sad person". Maybe because my parents were going through a divorce during that time? Idk, but either way I was extremely hurt when he tried breaking up with me just because she told him to.)
But yeah, it's completely okay to have a little anxiety about getting involved with someone who's family/culture will strongly influence them. After that relationship I wouldn't be as eager to date an Asian man just because I'd be nervous about the whole thing possibly repeating itself.
However, just because someone has a certain background, doesn't necessarily mean they are going to be the same as others. That's why I try to be open-minded, people can really surprise you once you get to know them!

 

[goro]

i wouldn't say it's inherently racist, as it's just a preference, but throwing it around everywhere is sketchy as hell. i agree with others that personality should go first in any case

 

[Bread Kennedys]

It depends on how you talk about it and act out on it. If you simply say something like "I think Asian women are pretty hot", no harm done. If you reject anyone solely on the basis that they're not an Asian woman, then that is pretty racist. This is where I would say that you should always have an open mind and realize that appearances aren't everything, but first off that's already been said here plenty of times and second, that's something that should just be common sense.

 

[reririx]

Everyone has preferences and that's what they are, preferences.
That being said, the way you express or communicate these preferences can come off as racist.
If you put down one race and make the race(s) you prefer more superior, I would feel like you'll be entering the realm of racism.

Just my opinion

 

[Fleshy]

As others have said, simply having a preference isn't racist, but they way you vocalise your preference can certainly come across as (or be) racist, I've heard of dating apps where there will be things in users bios like "No [insert race here]!" or "Whites only!", and that really really doesn't sit well with me. I also don't understand why people who have racial preference need to express it so often, when it's expressed so much it makes it seem like it might not just be a "dating preference" after all and there might possibly be some racist thoughts there

 

[Charcolor]

i've been thinking about this, too.
i'm a white person who's still working to unlearn racism so my views will probably change in the future. but from what i can tell, i feel like white people have nothing to lose by dating outside their race, so it's pretty iffy to say the least if they say something like "i don't date black guys" "i don't date asian girls" etc. on the flip side, if they have a preference for a certain race there are really no reasons behind it other than racist fetishization and/or trying too hard to prove how progressive you are. (i definitely used to have a problem with fetishizing dark-skinned women.)

i've thought about this and wondered, yes, i really don't care what race the girl i marry might be, but would she care that i'm white? i think if people of color only date within their own race, or they just avoid dating white people, it's not necessarily racist. i mean, i typically like to befriend other LGBT people because i like the security of knowing they understand my struggles and overall worldview as a lesbian. i don't think it's too farfetched to think that, for example, a black person would only want to date other black people so that they can understand and confide in each other about antiblackness. of course, people of color can definitely be racist toward each other but i feel like that's a whole other can of worms that i don't know how to open.

 

[jcar]

I think it has already been said before, but i dont think it is racist as long as it is just a preference, which sometines it ks not. I mean, my preference is for white girls but i would not mind meeting and eventually dating a girl from any other race. There are however some people that deny hundred per cent the chance of them dating someone of any other race, and express that feeling in a sense of racism as if they were less of a person and therefore they dont deserve been liked by them or anyone different from their own race. I mean, you can like a lot brown-haired girls but you would not stop dating a red-haired exclusively for that reason. I think that most of the times there is a racist background in this 'preferences'

 

[duckykate]

it's not racist unless you won't date that race because you think they're inferior or something

 

[chamsae]

hm depends? its a thin line between having preferences and fetishising or dismissing a whole race/ethnicity
you can have a preference for complexion, or certain face/body features because thats what just appeals to you aesthetically more than other features
but idk, people who say they "prefer asians" or "personally wouldnt date a black person" just rub me the wrong way, because thats such a broad generalisation based on stereotypes, often negative ones, and at this point it has to be more than a preference. also if someone absolutely refuses to date someone from a certain racial/ethnic group it has to be more than just the general looks lol but thats also a very multi dimensional issue because sometimes it has to do with racism, sometimes with cultural or religious upbringing, sometimes with a trauma caused by members of a certain group of people etc..... its just really hard to tell generally because its a individual case to case thing

 

[Croconaw]

I do not find it racist to have a dating preference.