Need advice!

[Taj]

So I pretty much went into the Matrix: well sorta

So today we had Health class, and I heard some rumor's before on what was going to happen.

We were going to write down 1 thing about us that nobody would never know, fold it, and place it into a hat. Then somebody would pick a paper out and read it. This is all anonymous by the way and nobody knew who's was who's. One person said they got a card saying that their father physically abuses them. One had a card that said that they are suicidal.

My girlfriend and I had agreed to keep our cards a secret. However we knew each other's handwriting so we knew if we DID get each others. Well you can guess what happened.

Yes, we did get each others cards. I wrote on my card that an adult has threatened to kill me because yes, a gun was pointed at my head with full intent to kill me. However my girlfriend knew so I'm assuming she wasn't that surprised. I peeked at the card to see if it was her handwriting. When I knew for sure it was her's, I figured that she was going to write something light, like I'm so shy I don't have too many friends. Which she is shy, and she has a small group of close friends instead of a large group of not so close friends. But when I read the card I got a huge shock. This is exactly what it said

"Every day I was so nervous of myself. I was losing friends and was wondering what I did wrong. Every day I always feel as if I am a bad person and I look in the mirror and always think, who am I? Every day I cry because I feel as if I'm a failure and that I can't make any friends."

I had to read my card to the class against my own will. After I finished reading, I glanced at her. She had her hands on her face. It was our last class and she left as fast as she could. She passed me when we were heading to the bus. She didn't say a word. She didn't look at me.

I got a text from her that night. It said that she was really sad and didn't relly want to talk, and that she wanted to be left alone for the weekend, and that maybe we could talk tomorrow.

OK, so I know I'm the boyfriend, but I have NO clue what to say. I can motivate her, but I'm just at a loss for words. Imagine if you guys were in my shoes, what would you say? Because right now I' in serious trouble and our relationship could be at stake.

Thank you so much guys. You don't know what it means to me

 

[jiny]

Oh my gosh.. I don't know what to say either, and I'm a girl.

This is why I don't like health class

 

[AS176]

Man idk she must take not making friends really seriously. I mean I don't know much about you guys' relationship but of course having a talk about it seems like a good idea, when she's in the right frame of mind.

 

[Soigne]

if she wants to be left alone, then leave her alone. when she's ready to talk, she'll talk. there's nothing u can do if she isn't wanting to talk to you about it.

it's possible there's some sort of mistrust that u should work out when she is ready to talk, idk. it's also possible that she just doesn't want anyone to know that and now she's worried of what you're going to think of her??

 

[mintellect]

So I pretty much went into the Matrix: well sorta

So today we had Health class, and I heard some rumor's before on what was going to happen.

We were going to write down 1 thing about us that nobody would never know, fold it, and place it into a hat. Then somebody would pick a paper out and read it. This is all anonymous by the way and nobody knew who's was who's. One person said they got a card saying that their father physically abuses them. One had a card that said that they are suicidal.

My girlfriend and I had agreed to keep our cards a secret. However we knew each other's handwriting so we knew if we DID get each others. Well you can guess what happened.

Yes, we did get each others cards. I wrote on my card that an adult has threatened to kill me because yes, a gun was pointed at my head with full intent to kill me. However my girlfriend knew so I'm assuming she wasn't that surprised. I peeked at the card to see if it was her handwriting. When I knew for sure it was her's, I figured that she was going to write something light, like I'm so shy I don't have too many friends. Which she is shy, and she has a small group of close friends instead of a large group of not so close friends. But when I read the card I got a huge shock. This is exactly what it said

"Every day I was so nervous of myself. I was losing friends and was wondering what I did wrong. Every day I always feel as if I am a bad person and I look in the mirror and always think, who am I? Every day I cry because I feel as if I'm a failure and that I can't make any friends."

I had to read my card to the class against my own will. After I finished reading, I glanced at her. She had her hands on her face. It was our last class and she left as fast as she could. She passed me when we were heading to the bus. She didn't say a word. She didn't look at me.

I got a text from her that night. It said that she was really sad and didn't relly want to talk, and that she wanted to be left alone for the weekend, and that maybe we could talk tomorrow.

OK, so I know I'm the boyfriend, but I have NO clue what to say. I can motivate her, but I'm just at a loss for words. Imagine if you guys were in my shoes, what would you say? Because right now I' in serious trouble and our relationship could be at stake.

Thank you so much guys. You don't know what it means to me

They made you read it to the class? They shouldn't have done that. What a way to humiliate people.
Maybe you could just let her know you're here for her and that she can tell you anything.

 

[Mitzuki]

tHAT'S messed up>,,,< Is that even legal?

 

[Llust]

as a girl who's dealing with the same self judgement as your girlfriend, i get where she's coming from. this may not match her reason, but this is just my way of seeing it and im assuming its not far off the mark. i have no idea what she's gone through recently or in the past, but those words just scream insecurity. when she states that she's losing friends and doesnt know what she did wrong, she's just confused & possibly over thinking the little things. its common for people to be down or even depressed with the thought of them being a failure in their mind - im guessing its mainly due to insecurity. the next time you see her or text, ask her if she wants to vent about it and let it our. because you're her boyfriend, she'll most likely agree to it and rant away. if she doesnt want to, thats fine, don't try forcing it out of her..but ranting about her issues will probably lift some of the weight off her shoulders. i'd just like to point out that as i already mentioned, ive dealing with the same thought process as her and i personally feel constantly alone & insecure, but to be honest, im pretty good at hiding it. all i've been wanting is for someone i care about to hug me and reassure me me that everything will be fine. as cliche and weird as that sounds, thats seriously all i need that'll make me feel better. maybe thats what she wants too, but everyone is different

 

[MozzarellaSticks]

You can't do much, besides be there for her. This is something she has to do on her own. I won't lie and say it will be easy. It won't be. This will be hard. But you can't do much besides be supportive. You can't live her life for her, and you can't be her thoughts. The best thing for you to do is be understanding, supportive, and patient. You just have to let her know you're there to listen and guide her, but never to judge.

It will be hard on you. It takes a lot out of someone, and not everyone can do it. If you honestly think you can't, it's better to let her know now. It will hurt both of you much more to fake it and fail. Don't be afraid to say you can't do this. This applies soundly if it affects your own mental health. Don't compromise yourself for someone else. Sacrifice rarely works.

 

[LambdaDelta]

"nobody would never know"

so you should've wrote down the most obvious stuff

 

[visibleghost]

i think you should be there for her. ask her if she wants to talk about it, and if she doesn't don't press it. but remember that that is how she feels so you should try to make her feel better and let her open up to you :<

 

[Lily.]

That's one ****ed up health class.

I'm not really the best at giving advice, so all I got to say is be supportive. And remember: don't rip yourself apart to keep other people whole.

 

[mdchan]

What the heck kind of health class is that?

Anyways, the only thing you can prolly do right now is to remind her that she's not alone and offer to listen if she wants to talk. When she does, just try to understand where she's coming from.

If she has some sort of social anxiety which makes it hard for her to make friends, she's prolly ashamed and confused (especially if she doesn't know she has it), and like it said on the card, she doesn't know what she's doing wrong (to try and help give some insight:
As someone with a disability which affects my social interactions, I'm speaking from personal experience; I was in her boat in school, where I couldn't make new friends and was losing friends and didn't know why. From the point of view of that person, it's painful and depressing, and it makes you want to close yourself off from the world and pull away from society. It's emotionally hurtful.
That's why I say to remind her she's not alone, especially cause she has you).

If she brings the losing friends thing up when she talks to you, be sure to remind her that it's not her fault (it doesn't sound like she's purposely being a bully to other people or anything, after all). I mean, you like her regardless, right? You're still willing to stick by her, and that's awesome.

I hope you're able to help her!

 

[Taj]

That's one ****ed up health class.

I'm not really the best at giving advice, so all I got to say is be supportive. And remember: don't rip yourself apart to keep other people whole.

Yeah there's a reason why health class is everybody's least favorite