how you look physically

[iiyyja]

the last time i'll entertain it then you're all on your own. i said what i needed to originally already. if people don't want to listen to it as they're currently not listening putting words in my mouth, skipping over things i've said, etc. then that's your problem and no one's forcing you to engage. however, after i'm no longer entertaining it because i don't allow people to be an anchor in my life wasting hours upon hours of my time accepting that they're unconfident and "triggered" because they're unhappy in life. i tried to shine a ray of light. if you don't want to read another perspective that's your fault for being stubborn. <3 the only thing i'll respond to is the fashion nerd stuff. <3


only because you're saying things, which aren't true...

"because having a brand new user look through several pages of people's IRL photos only to leave strange comments and wrong assumptions has made a lot of people very uncomfortable"

let me address the above first. the purpose of that thread as well as any thread is for people to look through several pages and read to get the context. just as i looked through and read several pages of a DS/GBA thread someone has up this morning and replied to it, just as i read people's replies and posted in the top 100 games by IGN thread, several pages and threads from the ACNL threads seeing if i can help anyone with trades or seeing if anyone is offering an ACNL service i want. me creating this thread is "leaving strange comments"? as for me being a new user looking at that you do realize even guest users are able to view every section minus your moderator private section, which every forum has, correct?

you're also assuming it's made people uncomfortable. yet there are people who are agreeing with me too. so because they agree with me does that mean them agreeing is making people "uncomfortable" as well?... (logic). in discussions there will be people who agree and disagree. just because you disagree and choose not to read what i said properly doesn't mean your view of "a lot" of people being uncomfortable is accurate.

the first user who replied to the thread didn't 100% agree with what i said, but they made a civil post with valid points to create discussion, which caused me to reply to their examples creating a civil discourse. honestly the people who are being critical of themselves in the photo thread when posting themselves is saddening because you can see they're creating a safety net if it doesn't go as they hoped. it's unhealthy.

"has made a lot of people very uncomfortable". there's a thing called having a thick skin. there's nothing uncomfortable about saying people should be more confident. confidence is a good thing. being cocky or toxic towards yourself by basically calling yourself ugly isn't.

i absolutely didn't dismiss where chris clarified "why those posts are structured the way they are". you chose not to read where i responded to that in my last post. again... i addressed it and replied. and the clarification chris was making was not the main point i was speaking of trying to make. again, if you read my last post. people not wanting photos of themselves staying up for a long time has nothing to do with the main point, which was people criticizing themselves in the photo they're posting to have a justification if people look at their pictures not finding them attractive. it's sort of how people will casually cover their stomachs with their arm or hand at the beach in selfies or when people cover their mouths when they smile. it's a mechanism and shows lack of self confidence.

the reason i'm "jumping ship" is because if it's taking me over an hour to read and reply to everyone's posts in my last post then obviously my time is more valuable elsewhere if people aren't reading what i'm saying, which they're disagreeing with. if i am reading everyone's replies and they aren't reading my replies... that's not a "discussion". the only people dismissing what you said the purpose of the forum is (which is discussion) are the people who commented my first post without reading it properly then put words in my mouth of things i never said. as you did in your post " " and a couple others did in theirs.

i'm fine if people disagree or agree with me. what i'm not fine with is entertaining trying to have a discussion with someone who didn't read what i said properly or them trying to make points i never implied. hence why i'm "jumping ship". if that's being done it's not worth me spending over an hour to write back over and over further. a discussion is when both parties listen and actually pay attention. that's not what certain posters were doing.

respectfully, the only thing you're trying to do is bait a newer member so you can flail your mod privs around. have a happy sunday.

when people use the word "triggered" as a debate tactic and defense mechanism. ha you're triggered because you don't agree with me. am i triggered you don't agree with me? no, because i don't need or expect you to agree with me.

nothing i said was condescending or patronizing. you chose to take it that way because you refused to read what i said originally correctly. you and people like the 2nd person who replied to my original post took what i said as a personal attack when it wasn't directed to you or anyone specifically. the problem is you want to live in a "safe space" bubble where rainbows, unicorns and cupcakes exist. then wonder why you aren't confident in the real world.

you're right everyone is fighting battles that others don't know about. just as you don't know my battles. but the difference is i try to fix mine. and they don't get fixed by accepting them and making them worse by telling yourself you're ugly every time you post pictures online to a forum, IG, twitter, facebook, etc. you need some david goggins in your life. look up his life story and his motivational IG posts such as "making life your b***h" or "who's gonna carry the boats?!".

nothing i said in my original post was unkind. you were one of the people who didn't read everything i wrote and didn't read it properly putting words in my mouth that i never said.

also, "being a shoulder to lean on" does nothing if the person just wants to be told everything will be ok without wanting to change. as i said previously, you have to start somewhere. and that somewhere should be not to post statements to have as a scape goat because someone isn't confident in how they look. recently i wasted over an hour of my time talking to my ex gf's friend with her for over 1 hour. she didn't want help and said after i left to my gf she wasn't going to listen at all. she just wanted someone to listen to how she's not over being cheated on 2 years ago when she's had a new bf for 8 months. personally i don't have time for my time being wasted like that. so i stopped dealing with her friend in general... i don't want that energy rubbing off on me pulling me down! which is why i'm saying for people to have confidence because other peoeple will do the same not dealing with said person and is another reason i was "jumping ship" as someone earlier said. i don't exist for people who just want someone to listen to them so they can feel better for 5 minutes pretending to care about the time i took talking to them accepting their negative thoughts. if you want a shoulder to lean on who will listen to you vent without you wanting to listen to what they have to say or try to better yourself then pay for a psychiatrist. that's why they exist.

some people accept that they are the way that they are lacking confidence. or their life is the way that it is. however, i want more from myself and out of my life. that's the difference between some people.

the same could be said for most threads in this section.


exactly what i'm saying.

you have a thick skin and don't let what people say bother you. that's a good trait.

i wasn't speaking about women specifically. i was speaking about people in general mentioning both genders.

you don't know what tangent means. if i went on a tangent i would be going into the new horizons section bringing up something the section has nothing to do with. such as saying why i may like pink jellybeans only and why i don't like green ones... however, i'm the creator of this thread and created the topic to be discussed. that's not going off on a tangent if i'm creating it.

you do realize the purpose of message boards (forums) is for people to "comb through" as you said pages to be a part of the conversation, to understand the context of what's being said, etc, right?? there are some people out there too who only read the first post then post their reply reading no one else's reply. that's not being part of a discussion. that's giving your 2 cents being a back seat driver. and the reason i went through that many pages in the pictures thread is to see if it was a reoccurring pattern, which it was. and not to single out any particular person by only looking at the first page or the last page.

you said. "I wasn't aware of this. I went back and cut out the photos in everything I quoted. I'll keep this in mind"
so much for forum etiquette of that section, eh mods?

you're having a panic attack because i "just joined" and looked at a pictures thread, which is the purpose of the thread? haha yet you don't have a panic attack over guests being able to do the same with no account? logic? ha it goes back to what i was saying about people's lack of confidence. if you're "uncomfortable" that someone looked at pictures you or the people in question posted because that's what the thread is about!!!!... then don't post them online at all. realistically you, me, anyone on this forum, or the majority of people in the human race are that important for anyone to care what we look like or who we are. we are a cog in the world's life circle. if it makes you feel better i'll gladly post a photo of myself.


you're right. it's not a fix all for everyone, but it can help the majority. and it can help the majority because most people are only critical of themselves because they have a defeatist mentality due to people who bully them as the first person who replied to my thread stated. then there are others as you said who have difficulty due to other reasons mentally.

it's not a "fake it until you make it" necessarily. if you watch on youtube the video of steve harvey talking about foreman positive and foreman negative if you wake up and the first thing you're thinking is negative chances are you will create more negative and destructive thoughts and actions to follow. people who have addictive personalities for example. it creates more confidence and draws people to you. if your personality is always negative it won't draw people to you. they'll be repulsed by the negativity which is the main point i'm making in the thread.

i'll break this part up randomly to make it easier to read for you:
fashion is just a hobby for me. there's a youtuber who also uses IG live named kevin samuels. a lot of people love him and some don't because they don't like how honest he is. it'll come off abrasive, but some people choose to let it be so. just as people are choosing in this thread to be personally attacked. it just shows there's truth to it.

anyway back to kevin... he does what's called "suit saturday" (i'm not telling people to wear a suit, but explaining the logic with clothes). he says when you go to the mall on saturday it's mostly men and boys wearing a t shirt with jeans or shorts, a baseball hat, running shoes, etc. but by him going there in a nice suit that fits him right (important) that makes him feel good. because everyone else is dressed down he stands out more, gets more people looking at him, gets people talking to him, getting compliments, people treating him differently. and it's absolutely true! women will approach him (he's in his 50s and had 2 brazilian women in atlanta who were 24 approach him in a gelato place while he was on IG live with 15k people watching.

i haven't gone to a mall dressed up in my suit, but i've definitely gone dressed up with far more effort than your average person. you get treated better than other regular customers, get compliments without asking for them, etc. i'm not the most handsome guy out there, but i'm far from looking like frodo baggins. and doing this has actually had women have conversations with me for over 5-10+ minutes when they should be working. them complimenting my outfit, whatever. and they remember you! i had a gamestop i hadn't gone into for 2 years and the assistant manager remembered me when i try not doing business with her even.

if you have something to talk about and have some confidence it can create a lot of opportunities for you. i'll go into clothing stores and when approached by female workers or purposely asking them questions i'll actually teach them stuff to give them more knowledge for their job to impress customers. it's also an ice breaker to practice speaking to new people, build a future business relationship with them as a customer, or want to ask them for their number.

for example one store has fragrances where you can use test strips to test the fragrance. the girls there had no idea how to properly use the test strips or how to even properly apply their own perfume. i was talking to the assistant manager about it and after a minute or two another worker came over smiling wanting to listen as well. confidence creates opportunities even if you have no intent to act on those opportunities.

there was a time i got rid of my whole old wardrobe and recreated it. not to what is popular now, but after doing research looked up what appealed to me keeping other people's advice on youtube or google in mind.

if you don't have much money what you do is buy a few pieces you can afford that aren't too "loud". what's called "staple pieces", which won't go out of style any time soon... button ups, collared shirts, chinos, khakis, a dark blue, black, light blue pair of jeans (not ripped or acid washed, etc). if all you can afford is walmart or target that's fine. you can get some decent stuff on sale, clearance or end of season sales from gap, old navy, jcrew factory, express factory, outlets for example, etc. (not all outlets have good sales). i've gotten khaki pants from a gap outlet for $15-20 before, non wrinkle button up shirts from old navy or gap under $12, button up shirts from banana republic outlet for +15-25 before that normally cost 3-5 times the normal price because i shop smart.

then after you obtained a few pieces that are cheaper you can make them look "more expensive" by spending a little more on the right footwear and accessories. such as a watch. you don't need a $6,000+ omega or a grand seiko watch either. the casio duro is a great watch for a watch that costs under $50 that looks more expensive than it is... and it's a 200 meter diver watch. the casio world time (the steel bracelet one) is under $30 and looks good. the plastic version of it goes for $17-20 but looks cheap when wearing it. the accessories and footwear makes the cheaper clothes look not cheaper. a plain white minimalistic shoe for example that you actually keep clean goes a long way. google how to clean white shoes with baking soda and hydrogen peroxide. i've done it, it works. just stuff newspaper in the shoe after to help absorb the moisture and to keep the shape of the shoe from being bent or wavy. if you don't have shoe trees for your footwear in general stuffing tissue paper or newspaper in them is good for the same reason. keeps them from looking curled when you take them off your feet.

Post automatically merged: Jan 23, 2022

there's a retired UFC fighter named henry cejudo who was a 2 weight world champion at the same time, who was also at one time the youngest american gold medalist the USA ever had. he sat alone with his teachers in school as the only hispanic student in a predominantly white school. he had no friends, no girlfriends, never went to prom, had a poor family, etc. he made sacrifices in life to achieve his dream of becoming an olympic gold medalist inspired by michael johnson's historic gold track racers (track sprinting shoes). now he's wealthy, got married, had his first child who he named her "america" because he's from a proud immigrant family. don't let what others look at you as keep you from changing affecting your confidence and going after what you want your life to be. doing so let's them win and you prove what they say and think right (to anyone that relates to). you were fortunate to switch schools and were lucky enough for things to change.

i didn't say you were trying to land someone who's out of your league??? believe it or not not everything i'm saying is directed to you or anyone specifically as most people in this thread seem to be acting. haha i'm speaking in general terms.

Can I DM you?

 

[Mick]

@bellasmaster To clarify something: We are not just assuming you are making people uncomfortable. From the moment you joined, people have been bringing your activity to our attention. The post by Flyffel is an excellent summary of how you came across to many people. The tone/behaviour you have taken up in this thread, and now also in your signature, is not helping.

We're urging you to tone that down, because we know your presence on the forum isn't going to work out otherwise.

Confidence is indeed a nice thing, but we will be locking this thread. It very clearly isn't going to go anywhere constructive.

 

[Chris]

I just want to tack a little advice onto @Mick's post here. It is not advisable to come into a community you are unfamiliar with and tell them that they must lack confidence, that they are socially awkward, and make assumptions about their ability to attract men/women. Understandably, people are not going to be okay with that. This thread reads as an enormous insult to our regulars; it did not come across as the kindness it was supposedly intended as.