Having kids

u just need to check ur childless privilege

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I get it. Not having had kids, I have a lot of freedoms. But that doesn't make me a bad person, nor does it make the problems I have any less impertenent to my life.

Watchingthetreetops said:

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I get it. Not having had kids, I have a lot of freedoms. But that doesn't make me a bad person, nor does it make the problems I have any less impertenent to my life.

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I completely agree with everything you say. Plus, you're 21, that's really young, it's not that weird not to have children, it's quite normal in my opinion n_n'

don't most 21 year olds not have kids

Annachie said:

don't most 21 year olds not have kids

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It's not about not having kids, it's about people with kids viewing people without kids as though they have their lives so much easier

Having a kid myself, it irritates me that some parents use that excuse. And then would be like "OMG you should have kids! It's the best thing in the whole world!" No as a parent, I strongly STRONGLY recommend no one have kids until their ready. It isn't selfish in any way, shape or form. I love my kid, don't get me wrong but parenting is something I wouldn't recommend to anyone.

Murray said:

It's not about not having kids, it's about people with kids viewing people without kids as though they have their lives so much easier

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I know but the way she started off with 'i'm 21 and i don't have kids and that doesn't define me' made it seem like it's some big thing..

Also op I don't get how exactly the woman said you're irresponsible? from what you've said it seems like she was (annoyingly) implying that you shouldn't have a reason to be tired. But why have you jumped from that to 'you're irresponsible for not having kids'?

Because people are capable of great feats of logical gymnastics

Annachie said:

don't most 21 year olds not have kids

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I'm 21 and don't have a kid. Why the hell would I have one at this age xD

Lmao @ above pic

And yet if you had kids, people would be on you about that too. "Oh you're single and raising kids by yourself?" "Oh, you work yet you have kids? How irresponsible, you should be home where they need you!" People ***** no matter what the circumstance. Best to just ignore them and keep on.

You shouldn't feel bad. 21 is young to have kids. Not saying it's wrong but harder when you aren't established. Most early 20's people I know that had children struggled more especially financially. It never hurts to wait later.

I am 22 and currently attending school. I probably won't be done till 25 or so and then I'd want to be in the field for awhile before having to take that kind of time off. So I would preferably like to wait till maybe 28 if I were going to decide to have kids and ultimately I wouldn't if I was not stable/financially able to.

As for the other part of your story, I've been there. I've struggled with chronic insomnia since I was in middle school. So 9 years now. I've had many insensitive comments and one was particularly from the first doctor I saw. She tried to relate her sleepless baby nights to my insomnia which is no way, shape, or form relates and she laughed about it making a joke of my problem. I can go four days without sleep, my appetite will be down to nothing to the point I have to force myself to eat or otherwise I won't, there's moments of dizziness, I have constant chest pains throughout the day since not sleeping is hard on many things including your heart, even if I manage to get sleep there's no "rested" feeling, and the lists go on. Parenting is hard but it's insensitive to belittle something you don't understand. I won't belittle your tiring moments with your kid if you don't belittle my sleeping issues...having children is a choice...insomnia isn't and the health issues with it is not a choice.

Then you have the people who try to relate which may be in good intention but a bit annoying. Such as the "oh I have insomnia, last week there was a day I couldn't fall asleep." or staying up to game all night and not realizing it affects your schedule of sleep not necessarily meaning you have insomnia...but that you altered your sleep routine.

- - - Post Merge - - -

MisterEnigma said:

And yet if you had kids, people would be on you about that too. "Oh you're single and raising kids by yourself?" "Oh, you work yet you have kids? How irresponsible, you should be home where they need you!" People ***** no matter what the circumstance. Best to just ignore them and keep on.

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Very true.

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Just to clarify, it's hard to really state how this conversation went. It isn't really a big deal, it just upset me and I wanted to rant about it. And generally don't talk about my issues, (in person, online I'm much more open, I think), so it's easy to see why people wonder about why I was so sleepy. I just don't want to be looked down on because I don't have kids, and this isn't the first time that this particular woman used this excuse to tell me that my problems are not as meaningful. And to her, my problems AREN'T meaningful, and that's okay, but what irritates me is that she feels the need to point it out and talk to me like my life is a walk on a beach. And I just...I wanted to stand up for myself, and I was still a little upset, and normally I just sit quietly and say nothing so I was a little shaken. And I do consider this an instance where I stood up for myself. But this is why I posted the thread.

And to be fair, almost everyone I knew got pregnant after high school. It was really weird, and I was kind of....the only not pregnant person. And having a kid scares me, because there's no way I could support a child right now. I just...I don't like being talked to like I don't understand the world, or being treated like I'm irresponsible because I don't have a kid. I mean, most people my age have kids or go to parties....I just kind of play animal crossing. The worst I do is forget to clean sometimes. But I pay my own rent, I have a cat and make sure he's fed and clean. I don't...not have problems or responsibilities. Having a kid doesn't mean that you're better then anyone else. And this person I work with will often lords it over me.


*sigh* it isn't a big deal. It was just upsetting at the moment it happened.

What I hate is people implying that I'm a bad/selfish/angry person for not wanting to have children -- ever. At least I'm honest enough to admit that motherhood just isn't for me! I (generally) like other people's kids and I'm totally fine with living vicariously through them.

I think everyone knows what you were trying to convey. I also think you were in the right to defend yourself though like someone said, for the most part, there will always be that person that has something bad to say. Ignoring is a great process. Though we're all human and there are circumstances like these that call for speaking up for yourself.
You did good. Hope your sleep gets better and your relationship with that woman.

Watchingthetreetops said:

I get it, having kids DOES require A LOT of responsibility. But that doesn't define you.​

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Kids DO seem to define a lot of people (this applies to romantic/sexual partners as well). It's almost as if they're not even human on their own.

I'm not going to have kids, ever. If anyone bugs me about it, I'll tell them why. People usually can't handle the blunt truth either.

She was probably just jealous of how much easier your life is compared to hers since she does have kids and her snooty-ness and rudeness is how she's dealing with it to make herself feel better.

Just keep doing you, girl. Ignore that jealous lady. Or, exercise your child-less freedoms and shove them in her face.

I think maybe it's a good idea to try to avoid that co-worker as much as you can, or just talk about work related things. It sounds like your co-worker would rather vent to someone with kids so they can share their experiences. If there are people your age or don't have kids, I'd say it's better to stick with them so you can talk about things that you share in common.

Although I have to say, I don't think what your co-worker said was right. I don't think it's polite to insert "Well I have it worse than you" when someone is telling you what's bothering them. The co-worker made it all about herself. :/

ACN_Jade said:

Having a kid myself, it irritates me that some parents use that excuse. And then would be like "OMG you should have kids! It's the best thing in the whole world!" No as a parent, I strongly STRONGLY recommend no one have kids until their ready. It isn't selfish in any way, shape or form. I love my kid, don't get me wrong but parenting is something I wouldn't recommend to anyone.

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Haha, glad I'm not the only parent who shares this sentiment. c:

But yeah. I noticed once I became a parent, other parents(not all, but most) can be extremely holier than thou about everything because they're parents now. Like, I get your life is harder because you have kids, but life isn't a competition where you immediately win the who has it worse contest because you're a parent now.

Princess Macaron said:

Haha, glad I'm not the only parent who shares this sentiment. c:

But yeah. I noticed once I became a parent, other parents(not all, but most) can be extremely holier than thou about everything because they're parents now. Like, I get your life is harder because you have kids, but life isn't a competition where you immediately win the who has it worse contest because you're a parent now.

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My favorite question? Is "OMG When are you going to have another one? Yours is getting a lot older you don't want a huge age gap!" Sorry no, I'm not a baby making factory. Note it is mostly my cousins that ask, they're the ones having me watch THEIR kids. Why would I seriously want more?