I get flown out to Disneyland for my band trip in 9 days, and I have so much to do and not nearly enough time to do it. I still have forms to hand in and I'm worried that they won't accept it because I keep forgetting or am too busy. I have to clean my room that I legitimately have not cleaned in almost a year and a half because I am too depressed to function most days, and when I do have motivation to my mom is in the house, and I can't do anything around her, productive or not, because I feel like I'm going to be judged regardless so I just bedrot and only come out to use the bathroom and eat. I have to figure out my packing situation, my money situation, and my phone situation, which is all so stressful because I'm travelling abroad for the first time in seven years, without my family. My mom is also sick currently, and I'm worried we're not going to get everything done in time.
But the issues won't go away once the trip begins. We get flown out the day after a show for a lot of us, and we are still expected to come to school because it's a half day and we don't have to be at the airport until 3 hours after the day ends. Also, our days there are going to be
so long. We have to get up at around 5:30 each morning and we're not back in the hotel until midnight, so that's not even six hours of sleep a night. The day after we get there (maybe the day of? We haven't gone over the specific itinerary yet), we have to perform in the park, which would be fine if it wasn't going to be 25 degrees and our uniforms weren't all black.
Park days? We're there all day, right from rope drop to closing, so I will be walking for about 14-16 hours a day. Which isn't going to be fun for anyone, but I have this wonderful thing called an
iron deficiency
, which is going to make things worse. I already have to give up bringing my chest binder and other compressive sports bras because they make it harder to breathe normally on the bad days and I don't want to risk anything.
Returning to Canada? We come back at 10 pm on a Wednesday, and we have school the next day, which we are ALSO still expected to go to. I don't know how the teachers are expecting kids to come back from a five-day tiring as all hell trip and pull up at 8 am the next morning eager to learn. Unless they revive Michael Jackson to have him come to our school and do a performance with Taylor Swift and the reincarnation of Mozart, I will be skipping the day to sleep and they cannot stop me.
My bad guys, this turned into a really long rant... regardless of everything I am very grateful to have the opportunity to go on this trip (shoutout to my parents for being willing to pay 3000 dollars for me to do this), but HOLY LORD is it stressful.
. I wish i was normal. being on the spectrum is so frustrating. 
