What's Bothering You?

finally called animal control on an aggressive dog in the neighborhood who keeps getting loose, and the officer never even showed up. 🙃 We actually had to shelter a delivery driver in our house because of the dog and they also reported it, so maybe it'll be taken seriously now that there are multiple reports about it
 
Even though I feel better than I did towards the start of the year, and have had the time to process some of what’s been on my mind, I’m still struggling with this general but overpowering sense of simply not belonging that is making it really hard to get back into my usual rhythm. I usually enjoy drawing, but have barely been able to churn anything out.
 
welp my plans went out the window when I woke up unwell.
So, I've not been able to focus on DIY, my ears/hearing is really bad and my head feels weird. Blowing my nose is just the worse. I've just been playing pokemon.
I was also trying to hatch a shiny purrloin on moon yesterday with shiny charm and matsuda method and still nothig.
 
The neighbour’s tree caught fire. It almost went onto our tree which would have definitely lead to fire on our house because it basically hangs over my room.

Maybe not such a good place to have a $3500 computer but dunno where else to game. Aside from that today sucked anyway. Today was a very depressing day that was just a cherry on top.
 
I wish so badly I could’ve had a normal family sometimes. There are ways in which I’m at peace just not having a family, but in other ways it sucks because they left me with so much mental baggage that makes daily life hard, and not having a family (I’m estranged for my own good) is just another way I’m different from the vast majority of people, especially since I also don’t want children.

Couple that with other negative events in my life that don’t specifically tie back to family and I think my brain still struggles, even after all this time, to not partially blame itself. Like this nagging feeling that if I was actually innocent then I would’ve caught a break at some point. It’s not like it’s helpful to think that way, and I know logically that I’m not at fault for a lot of what I endured, but it’s uncomfortable realizing that there wasn’t a “reason” necessarily and that I was treated anywhere from neglectfully to actively cruelly, repeatedly, simply because.
 
This is a very minor bother, but my grandma listens to the rosary (or other religious stuff) at night very loudly and I find it difficult to sleep sometimes because of this. It’s only a temporary living situation, but she has no consideration for other people.

It doesn’t bother me that it’s religious, but it’s the fact that it’s played at almost max volume. Also, it’s really annoying how she says she can’t be homophobic or racist because she has gay/poc friends. I’m not sure what’s worse - her bigotry or the fact that LGBT folks/poc are actually friends with her??
 
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