What's Bothering You?
- Thread starter Oblivia
- Start date
.: Meri :.
free palestine | trans rights are human rights
there's a fairly high likelihood we're going to be leaving tomorrow night or early Tuesday to help my grandmother take care of my grandfather while their house is being worked on, possibly returning that same night or possibly staying a day or two, and I'm really not handling this well. I've been so stressed and busy for so long and have been desperately wanting to take a break to just relax and recharge, and then we had my grandfather's crisis last week, and it feels like I can't escape from it. I just wanted a few weeks of peace before the next inevitable crisis. I knew I was being too hopeful in thinking it would be over for a little while, not that I've really been able to relax when I'm jumping every time the phone rings anyway. it really feels like I'm not allowed to plan ahead or look forward to anything.
my mind keeps going back to when my other grandmother had dementia, all the sudden emergencies when she was living by herself that uprooted everything we had going on, the constantly changing living situations because she couldn't care for herself but always came to hate whatever family member she was staying with after 2-3 weeks. her just intensely staring at me if I was in the same room with her, her trying to force her way into my room at 2 or 3 am at night because something in her mind was telling her she needed to be in here, or suddenly becoming confrontational and yelling because she heard voices that sounded like ours. how she stopped feeling like my grandmother and started feeling like a boogeyman, who would lurk in the corners of my nightmares, and the guilt that came with thinking about her that way.
I feel like I lost so much of my teenage years to her dementia and only recently started to really recover from it. the anxiety I had back then was always so intense and that's coming back too. I can't do this again. I just can't. and part of me feels like I'm being terribly callous and selfish for thinking this way. I feel like I should be able to put myself and my feelings aside for a family emergency like this but god I'm just not strong enough. I can't do this.
my mind keeps going back to when my other grandmother had dementia, all the sudden emergencies when she was living by herself that uprooted everything we had going on, the constantly changing living situations because she couldn't care for herself but always came to hate whatever family member she was staying with after 2-3 weeks. her just intensely staring at me if I was in the same room with her, her trying to force her way into my room at 2 or 3 am at night because something in her mind was telling her she needed to be in here, or suddenly becoming confrontational and yelling because she heard voices that sounded like ours. how she stopped feeling like my grandmother and started feeling like a boogeyman, who would lurk in the corners of my nightmares, and the guilt that came with thinking about her that way.
I feel like I lost so much of my teenage years to her dementia and only recently started to really recover from it. the anxiety I had back then was always so intense and that's coming back too. I can't do this again. I just can't. and part of me feels like I'm being terribly callous and selfish for thinking this way. I feel like I should be able to put myself and my feelings aside for a family emergency like this but god I'm just not strong enough. I can't do this.
I feel like I've been stressed too much recently, and I can't really do much other than stay in my room, which has been causing me other problems so that doesn't help! I'd feel like I'm saying too much if I described exactly how bad it is, but I would really, really like to be able to walk around the house in peace, especially when I'm having a lot of problems that are made worse by stress.
I haven't posted here since early this month because I actually haven't had anything to be upset about, really, but now I think I'm sick.
Could be either the flu or COVID, but it's unbearable, and feels similar to when I was sick in the past. I've been in and out of sleep for hours now. If I let myself fall too into sleep it starts to feel like my entire body is stagnating, and if I'm awake my temperature keeps going up and down. Not sure how to handle this, but I've been drinking a lot of water and eating as well.
I thought it was just because I slept so much yesterday, but no, I think I'm definitely sick. Especially since one of my family members is as well. Probably going to have to stay home from martial arts this week and maybe take some time off work as well.
EDIT: I knew I should have got my next COVID and flu shots already by now, but I put it off like a *******.
Could be either the flu or COVID, but it's unbearable, and feels similar to when I was sick in the past. I've been in and out of sleep for hours now. If I let myself fall too into sleep it starts to feel like my entire body is stagnating, and if I'm awake my temperature keeps going up and down. Not sure how to handle this, but I've been drinking a lot of water and eating as well.
I thought it was just because I slept so much yesterday, but no, I think I'm definitely sick. Especially since one of my family members is as well. Probably going to have to stay home from martial arts this week and maybe take some time off work as well.
EDIT: I knew I should have got my next COVID and flu shots already by now, but I put it off like a *******.
my house has a mouse problem and one made it upstairs into my room. i was peacefully watching a horror movie at 1 AM until i heard something behind my dresser and then i saw it. i couldn’t leave my room bc it moved near the door, i was literally screaming for help for 10 minutes but nobody could hear my cries for help until my screeches woke up my brother 
i don’t know how im going to get back into my room again because the door is tightly shut and unless the mouse can squeeze through the door crack, its trapped inside my room.
i don’t know how im going to get back into my room again because the door is tightly shut and unless the mouse can squeeze through the door crack, its trapped inside my room.
Sitting in the waiting room cause my mom has an appoinment and some lady is talking on her phone on speaker phone. It's annoying but I also started to get caught up in the story. She hung up and now Ill never know what happened to her uncle and his money
xSuperMario64x
love of my life 💙💜
I'm very sorry to hear about what happened (my house has a similar problem so I def understand the fear), but this is just great, this is why I love my friends.
I was feeling okay for the most part, but now that I've eaten I feel kinda sick. also feeling a bit depressed, which is really annoying and unfortunate. I know it's depression because I basically have no interest in doing anything, I'm in this paralyzing state of perpetual understimulation but I have no interest in doing anything to satiate it. I dunno, I'm thinking this med might not be right for me.
Update on this. I got some more rest, ate, and took a couple Advils, and I'm feeling sooooo much better now. Could hardly walk earlier and my head hurt badly, but now I'm starting to feel a lot better. Thank you for the support, guys.
daringred_
✧ ghost lesbian ✧
someone who owes me a commission from july doesn't seem active on toyhouse anymore. they are active on twitter though but because i don't have premium and they don't follow me, i can't message them. what a stupid feature to lock behind a pay wall.
xSuperMario64x
love of my life 💙💜
I'm sorry to hear this, I've been through a breakup before and while it wasn't even that serious of a relationship, it still hurt a lot. if you need someone to listen to you ramble or anything my DMs are open
Yeah I feel your struggles because it's extremely hard to "pass" as a different gender then the birth sex people see you as when it's honestly really hard to figure out what specific detail(s) prevents you from passing "your voice?" "your face?" "your body?" etc.
I'm AFAB and I desire to be seen as more androgynous and/or masculine but people only ever see me as female/feminine and I don't know what is preventing me from "passing"
I wear men's clothing, I got my hair cut extremely short, I bind my chest, I don't shave my body hair, I'm kind of tall-ish at nearly 5"6 tall, I don't understand why people still see me as a cis-female. I don't know if my voice is considered "deep" for a female but my voice isn't high-pitched and shrill sounding like most women have. I don't know if it's my face? I don't know what it is honestly
I'm AFAB and I desire to be seen as more androgynous and/or masculine but people only ever see me as female/feminine and I don't know what is preventing me from "passing"
I wear men's clothing, I got my hair cut extremely short, I bind my chest, I don't shave my body hair, I'm kind of tall-ish at nearly 5"6 tall, I don't understand why people still see me as a cis-female. I don't know if my voice is considered "deep" for a female but my voice isn't high-pitched and shrill sounding like most women have. I don't know if it's my face? I don't know what it is honestly
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