Liquid Ocelot
dead + tired
Last time I checked, I was not a lady.
Serious Talk on Sex -Keep It Mature! description about a manga now added
- Thread starter Fearthecuteness
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Last time I checked, I was not a lady.
Hana-Nezumi
Androgynous Male Rodent
Okay good because I know more about guy on guy relationships. XD
It sounds like the main thing is that you need to become more comfortable with your bf.
You'll always be a little nervous about sex until you can be casual about it.
Basically you'll know you've reached that level when you don't feel embarrassed if you fart in front of each other. XD
Some possible ways to become more comfortable...
You say you dislike not feeling in control, and that's something you should tell him about, as well as that you don't want him to go on and on about all that mushy romantic stuff, because when you just want to have fun and get your rocks off first. Hopefully he'll be confident enough in his own attractiveness to not feel threatened when you say those things, but if he is, you'll just have to do some reassuring and ego stroking along with it, and do some explaining about why you feel that way.
At some point you probably should also tell him about your fantasies about other guys. Some guys get jealous over that kind of thing... but most understand that it's not a threat. My bf and I actually like to talk about guys we think are hot, and it's funny to see when we agree and when we don't. You'll never be comfortable as long as you're keeping secrets.
Another way to feel more comfortable and in-control is to try forms of intimacy where there isn't one of you "dominating" the other physically. Mutual masturbation, frotting, and good old 69 are great ways to achieve satisfaction without it feeling like one of you is taking control over the other.
It sounds like the main thing is that you need to become more comfortable with your bf.
You'll always be a little nervous about sex until you can be casual about it.
Basically you'll know you've reached that level when you don't feel embarrassed if you fart in front of each other. XD
Some possible ways to become more comfortable...
You say you dislike not feeling in control, and that's something you should tell him about, as well as that you don't want him to go on and on about all that mushy romantic stuff, because when you just want to have fun and get your rocks off first. Hopefully he'll be confident enough in his own attractiveness to not feel threatened when you say those things, but if he is, you'll just have to do some reassuring and ego stroking along with it, and do some explaining about why you feel that way.
At some point you probably should also tell him about your fantasies about other guys. Some guys get jealous over that kind of thing... but most understand that it's not a threat. My bf and I actually like to talk about guys we think are hot, and it's funny to see when we agree and when we don't. You'll never be comfortable as long as you're keeping secrets.
Another way to feel more comfortable and in-control is to try forms of intimacy where there isn't one of you "dominating" the other physically. Mutual masturbation, frotting, and good old 69 are great ways to achieve satisfaction without it feeling like one of you is taking control over the other.
Fearthecuteness
Oh hai mark
Maybe all this advice will help. 
So uh, I want to have sex with my boyfriend but I'm kind of afraid to. I mean, I love him a lot and he loves me and we've seen each other naked and have done other sexual things but I don't know if I'm ready for the real thing. I'm afraid of it hurting so bad.
I'm 20 so it's like, I shouldn't be afraid because a lot of people have already had sex at ages way younger than me so it's kind of embarrassing, to say the least.
I'm on the pill and have been taking it correctly and we will use a condom but I still get scared of getting pregnant since it CAN happen, though with those methods in tact it's really a low risk.
Has anyone else felt this way?
I'm 20 so it's like, I shouldn't be afraid because a lot of people have already had sex at ages way younger than me so it's kind of embarrassing, to say the least.
I'm on the pill and have been taking it correctly and we will use a condom but I still get scared of getting pregnant since it CAN happen, though with those methods in tact it's really a low risk.
Has anyone else felt this way?
CookingOkasan
C H A T B O T
I waited a year and a half to have full out sex with my ex lady. She had really similar feelings and fears and we just worked through them on her time, making sure she was completely comfortable and okay with each step.
I think that since you two already have a sexual history, it will be a lot easier than you think. I assume you already have a pretty good understand of what you're each comfortable with and what each of you enjoy? It may take you a few intimate sessions before you're comfortable trying all the way, if so that's totally cool and I'm sure your boyfriend will be understanding of that.
Definitely just talk to your boyfriend about it. Sex shouldn't be a guessing game, definitely just talk about it and during!
Liquid Ocelot
dead + tired
Hello, my name is Revolver Ocelot and I have like the most frightening collection of fetishes and even though my lover has asserted that he is, in fact, okay with them, I still hesitate to even bring anything up because I don't want to make it seem like I want to tie up and torture him all the time. I don't!
I love him, so I want him to be comfortable. But I like other things, too? If I scare him or make him uncomfortable, I'll hate myself.
/pats
I know your feelings. Well, not all of them. If you're not ready, you aren't ready. You don't have to do it right away.
I love him, so I want him to be comfortable. But I like other things, too? If I scare him or make him uncomfortable, I'll hate myself.
/pats
I know your feelings. Well, not all of them. If you're not ready, you aren't ready. You don't have to do it right away.
CookingOkasan
C H A T B O T
at the same time though sometimes you need to ~freak out~
i have two question sort of things:
have any of you been involved in a platonic relationship (so not sexual at all) and how did you tell your significant other or were you both only platonically interested in each other before forming the relationship? (if you want you can ask me about my sexuality or whatever to answer this better, i can't promise i'll tell you everything)
and is anyone else only wanting to lose their virginity to someone they're not actually in love with? (again, if you want, you can ask me elaborate on this)
lol that probably made no sense
have any of you been involved in a platonic relationship (so not sexual at all) and how did you tell your significant other or were you both only platonically interested in each other before forming the relationship? (if you want you can ask me about my sexuality or whatever to answer this better, i can't promise i'll tell you everything)
and is anyone else only wanting to lose their virginity to someone they're not actually in love with? (again, if you want, you can ask me elaborate on this)
lol that probably made no sense
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Liquid Ocelot
dead + tired
Uh. For that first one- are you asexual or aromantic or something? Because I think most relationships start out platonically? But- I mean, if they're interested in a romantic/sexual level and you're not- I. Huh. Well, you should generally be honest, I guess? Do you have a few relationships going on?
For the second one, it's tempting to get it over with, I guess. Honestly, it doesn't matter how you do it, and you don't even have to if you don't want to. Just make sure it's fun and safe (EMPHASIS ON SAFE) and go for it. If you want a one-night stand, go do it.
Sorry I'm not much help.
hh thank you for answering!
um well basically i'm somewhat romantically attracted to males but i never want to have sex with one, whereas i am happy to have both romantic and sexual relationships with people who identify as female (or have female genitilia for that matter). i have done some 'stuff' with a boy before that i didn't mind doing but i was pretty much pressured into it (i definitely regret this and will never do it again) but we didn't have sexual intercourse. anyway i broke up with him but i wasn't completely honest because i was too scared to tell him that i was only platonically attracted to him.
i guess what i was trying to get across in my question was how to tell people i only want to be romantically involved because i find it really difficult to explain seeing as i don't have an exact label for my sexuality
Hana-Nezumi
Androgynous Male Rodent
Katsuragi, I hate to tell you what to do in your love life, but I think maybe you shouldn't pursue relationships with males then? It's not impossible, but being realistic, it would be very difficult to find a guy who wants to be in a relationship but wouldn't in some way feel bad about the fact that you're only sexually attracted to females and not to him at all.
- - - Post Merge - - -
- - - Post Merge - - -
You say he's okay with the fetishes, but does he say he wants to help you explore them? Don't be shy about it. Talk to him. Just ask him if he wants to try a few things and if he does, then go ahead and try it. Start with the really tame stuff. Clarify beforehand that if he doesn't like what you're doing, all he has to do is say so and you'll stop. As long as you have that agreement, and you know you will stick to it, he is actually the one in control, so there's nothing to worry about! And I'm sure he won't think you think sadistic things like that all the time unless you acted perverted and imposing all day long which I'm sure you don't since you're embarrassed to even bring it up.
yea tbh i probably won't ever be with a guy again, maybe short term relationships but i'm definitely never looking to marry a man (or marry at all probably) so i guess it doesn't matter that much? i mean if i loved a man that much i think i would eventually become sexually attracted to him... thank u for the advice, it made me think it through a bit more
Liquid Ocelot
dead + tired
Like, this is going to be the dumbest answer-
but do you. You don't need a label, you don't need to apologize for having an- uh "ambiguous" sexuality, and if you're attracted to someone in any way, just- pursue that. Be honest with your partners in the future, though. And definitely, definitely, do not let yourself get pressured into sex. Because you don't owe anyone that, either.
And in terms of telling them, just tell them you're only interested in romantic stuff, and not so much the sexual aspect of a relationship. Anyone worth being with will understand that, and then you can do what you're comfortable with until, well- whatever, whenever.
/stumbles off to bed.
ah thank you so much for all the /advice/ you've given me, i guess i'm just fairly confused but the way you've confirmed a lot, some that i was aware of and some that was new, has made things more clear for me.
Liquid Ocelot
dead + tired
akfjakfj; He does want to help me, and it's like- I just can't believe him. Not that he's ever really lied to me. I just- I always kinda have this fear in the back of my mind that I'm going to screw up and he's going to leave me- no matter what he tells me personally.
As for the fetish stuff- it's like- I'm trying to be open about it, but he's so vanilla that it kinda- I don't think he'll see what I see in it. We've tried some light stuff. Blindfolding, things like that. I don't want to torture him. But like- I do enjoy that sort of thing on a fantasy level, and idk.
akljgakg; throw me in the bin, for i am such trash. The whole thing is a weird...trust issue complex...thing. He's never wronged me, never threatened to leave, dealt with me forever, and it's like- I'm still scared of the smallest thing because I want to keep him. ; n;
- - - Post Merge - - -
lol /advice/.
Sorry, I'm not the best at this kinda thing. I just want you to be happy and healthy, because people deserve that sort of thing.
Hana-Nezumi
Androgynous Male Rodent
It seems like it's less an issue of the fetishes and more a problem of you being confident in the strength of your relationship. Work on developing trust and faith with your partner. All BDSM and related activities need to be based on a solid foundation of trust and understanding. The only way you'll get to the point is with communication. I know the thought of the person you care about leaving you is always scary but you need to know in your heart that he won't, and if you don't, then you need to talk with him about your feelings and also just give it time for the bond between you to strengthen.
Liquid Ocelot
dead + tired
ily, by the way. In a very platonic and not at all weird way.
Hana-Nezumi
Androgynous Male Rodent
Aww, thanks, ya sweetie.
MayorMudkip
queerkip
I have nothing to add, but I think it's about time this thread be bumped. C:
The hymen can either break or stretch depending on certain activities. A lot of times, even before intercourse, the hymen can break just by doing routine activities, such as riding a bike, horseback riding, etc. etc. It can stretch if something is inserted into the vagina, but isn't enough to fully break the hymen; the stretching of the hymen is less common than the actual breaking of the hymen. Also, virginity is not measured by the presence of (or lack thereof) the hymen.
- - - Post Merge - - -
You are ready to make love for the first time when:
1) You are emotionally ready to make a commitment and it feels right.
2) You are prepared to deal with the consequences of your actions (be them emotional or physical, such as pregnancy).
3) You are at an appropriate age (and the law does not need to be questioned).
4) You have a plan aka CONTRACEPTION, etc.
5) YOU ARE NOT BEING PRESSURED INTO HAVING SEX. Be it peer pressure (wanting to have sex because all of your friends are/say they are) or otherwise (by a partner, etc.).
- Status
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