What's Bothering You?

too tired to say anything other than my dad sucks. he’s a childish, selfish man, who keeps treating my mom like she’s his personal chauffeur rather than his wife, and i’m so so tired.

he doesn’t drive and relies solely on my mom to drive him wherever he wants to go whenever he wants, and if she doesn’t take him where he wants to go right then and there, he throws a tantrum. that mf got all huffy and started slamming **** all because my mom asked him to wait half an hour or so for her to finish what she was doing, and stormed out to walk to the store by himself. he is a childish, selfish, ungrateful ass, who barely does the bare minimum and thinks he’s god’s gift to us whenever he does anything other than sit on his ass or lay down and watch something. sometimes i just want to shake him and ask him why he thinks it’s appropriate for him, a 54-year-old man, to behave this way. a literal child would know better.

if it’s not my dad being an ass, it’s my mom. i literally cannot have peace in this house
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I cleaned my door cos mama was so upset and I saw other doors had been sprayed too and it makes me pissed off cos do they who do this not understand WE LIVE HERE SO WHO YOU SAYING THIS TO and it is like they think these ends are abandoned which makes us feel they see our HOMES as trash like a broken phone box to spray on and why do they think spraying our DOORS makes us feel like our lives matter? I want them to stop patronising us but most of all stop pretending they give a **** when you treat our homes with disrespect to tell us our lives matter. I catch who did this I am dragging them to my church
 
Eeeeeeew they put lettuce on my sandwich at jimmy johns after i expressly told them not too there’s like a whole salads worth of soggy lettuce it’s so ****in disgusting
 
Finally heard back from my friend after I texted him an early happy bunny day. He did apologize for being very late to reply still…feel more sad now that i got some sort of response back from him. Probably would’ve been better if he didn’t message me, at least mood wise. I can’t stop my eyes from tearing up even with genshin in front of me and trying to figure out the egg clues. I’m tired of being sad and depresssed but at the same time, there is nothing else I want besides my best friend and things to go back to normal. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to leave the house and meet people.

Also I might’ve chipped a filling on something while I was eating 😔. I’m hoping it is very minor that they can fix on my next appointment rather than make more than one appointment.
 
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I don't think I'm feeling okay. I've made a request to see a new mental health therapist. I'm basically continuing to act like a big loner in real life, which is causing me to have major mood swings both at work and in public. This "lone wolf" lifestyle is going to put my overall health in jeopardy.

Yesterday, I had a mood swing which involved a random thought of friends I hung out with in high school. I frequently reminisce about all the fun times and moments I had from all the way back then, and the mere thought of not being able to see any of them again is causing me to feel sick at times. I know that never seeing high school friends again is a very common occurrence, but for some reason, I'm still feeling very sentimental about those years. When I go out in public and see groups of friends my age hanging out and having a good time, I start to feel sad and sort of jealous that I'm not one of "them" anymore. The last time I made contact with a friend was in early November, and from what I could visually tell from their body language and tone, they suddenly made it seem like they didn't want to talk to me. At this point, the whole friend group I was in was already starting to collapse due to various factors, and now I've made no contact with any of them in nearly six months. I never told anyone that I wanted to be left alone, but after getting put on read all the time in the group chat, that basically was a sign that I'm unwanted. I then made the decision to quit Snapchat at the beginning of the year - announcing to the brick wall of friends that I'm done - and haven't regretted my decision since. With the exception of very occasional Instagram visits, I've abandoned social media completely.

Group this alongside my boss taking advantage of my higher-than-expected capabilities at the same time, and my mental health really started to take a hit. It wasn't until very recently did I send a message to her explaining the mental health crisis I've been going through, and she at least understood where I came from. When I unexpectedly got rear-ended on the job two weeks ago, that's when I decided to take a morning shift off to take a time-out and piece myself together again mentally. I've been given some resources to help with my anxiety, and I'm taking action this week to combat it.

I want new friends to hang out with at places again. I hate being lonely, and this needs to end.
 
don’t know how to feel about this but my boyfriend forgot when my birthday is. he said October 14, when it’s actually October 12. he apologized over and over and I know he’s very forgetful. It just makes me a little sad because we’ve been together for so long and I just can’t believe he forgot. He was just 2 days off but still, I make a point to remember his birthday. As an act of trying to make up for it he made his phone password my birthday so he wouldn’t forget. I love him and I know he didn’t mean to make me sad, but I can’t help but be a little on the down side.
 
3DS and Wii U wifi is closing down, and I’m on holiday (I’m definitely not complaining about being on holiday) so I can’t enjoy the last few days as much because the internet here is really bad and when I try and play it’s really annoying. But come on, WII U AND 3DS WIFI IS SHUTTING DOWN😭😭.
Plus it’s hot and I can’t deal with heat it’s so hot my brain is melting I wanna go swimming but it’s too hot to swim ahhh.
 
I keep dwelling on stuff I said or posted online and my anxiety is making me feel like nothing I say comes out sounding normal and not annoying 😔.

Trying my best now not to think of my best friend and how much I want to talk. he still hasn’t told me if he liked how I decorated my house and part of the exterior in genshin.

Haven’t been to sleep yet either. Been trying to distract myself from the intrusive thoughts. When I was trying to sleep, my dad was talking too loud and some noise (some sort of drilling) from one of our neighbors was bothering me.

Starting to feel a little depressed again. I’m hoping some sleep will help.
 
I accidentally bought the wrong brand of jasmine rice at the store today and it has a really funny taste 🥲 guess I'll have to go back soon and buy the correct one. it's funny bc the one I usually buy is actually cheaper, and yet it tastes better. like, huh?
 
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