Autism/ADHD Support Thread 🌈

[xSuperMario64x]

I know that a few others have posted threads here regarding autism, but since I myself (and a few others on here whom I know) am autistic, and also in honor of Autism Acceptance Month, I would like to create a support thread which will serve as the main thread for discussing autism as well as ADHD!

to my autistic/ADHD folk, feel free to share your experiences here! and for my neurotypical folk, feel free to ask questions and allow our voices to be heard. I would really like to create some solidarity here since there is still a lot of confusion/bias surrounding autism, especially with the way it's portrayed in media.

keep in mind that there is language that some of us are okay with, and others aren't. for instance, most people still use "functioning labels" and phrases like "aspergers" but I don't like to refer to myself this way because I don't like functioning labels. I simply tell people I'm autistic, but if others still use "aspergers" then that's fine. most people also prefer identity-first language, as in saying "autistic person" instead of "person with autism." but don't feel bad if you say something different or wrong, we're all here to learn!


anyways, I'm one of the rare cases where I have ADHD and I'm autistic, life is quite a wild ride for me
there is a lot of overlap between the two, but there are also some key differences and I just seem to get the short end of the stick with both of them. I'm very organized but I also have a few things lying around because many ADHDers have issues with object permanence (aka if I can see it, it doesn't exist). I have an excellent long-term memory and a horrendous short-term memory. I'm very punctual but I'm also terrible at managing and keeping track of my time. I crave a routine but I also hate being told what to do, even by myself. I definitely understand all the struggles, and I know that everyone's struggles are different but I always like understanding, listening to, and helping my fellow neurodivergent friends

also a quick fun fact: many people try to claim that autistic people have no empathy, but it's usually the case that we don't express empathy the same way as others do. in fact, many autistic people are hyper-empathetic and feel things very deeply. I'm highly empathetic, and when I see others get upset I can physically feel myself becoming upset as well. but I don't express my empathy in words so people might not recognize it.

 

[Dunquixote]

A few months ago I finally got tested; the results said that I have social dysfunction, some attention issues but did not have enough on the spectrum. My mom shared the results with my counselor and my counselor says I am autistic since she believes you are either autistic or not.

My mom believed for a long time that I might be autistic but back then when she brought it up with teachers, they didn’t think so because i got good grades and was not a problem student. socially however, as i grew older, I felt like others always treated me differently. I thought it was because I was shy and/or because of my ethnicity. But, now much older, I realize it may have been a combination of all and something else. High school was honestly a nightmare; my mom had to drag me out of bed. back then, i also developed depression and anxiety along with other things.

It is a struggle still since I don’t get humor, and some things I say or do that may not be socially appropriate (like telling a friend that our group of friends was trashing him; though the friend who tattled on me did the same thing so even now i am kinda baffled about what you should and shouldn’t do; i personally would want to know if my friends were trashing me).

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Thanks so much for making this thread! I really like the idea of sharing our experiences and being supportive of each other .

A year or two ago, when my mom mentioned me possibly being autistic to my doctor, she said to not view it as being something negative but as having a different perspective of the world and that there are some things people with autism may accomplish that people without it may not be able to accomplish [as easily?]
I thought that was an interesting way to look at it.

 

[-Mars-]

Hello! I'm neurotypical so sorry if I sound like I'm intruding on this thread or I sound like I don't understand
I just want to know how to treat autistic people the best I can so I don't make them feel uncomfortable or make things more difficult for them.
My second closest friend has autism, I was wondering if there is anything I should avoid saying/doing to autistic people
I read somewhere autistic people aren't good at understanding sarcasm and homophones is that true or not?

 

[TheSillyPuppy]

Thank you so much for making this thread and opening up this super important conversation!

I actually just found that my Product Designer teammate has ADHD, so this insight is super valuable and timely to me. Thank you for being open in sharing your vulnerabilities. I myself am prone to anxious thoughts, and it's really interesting how my teammate and I frequently ask the rest of our team questions regarding future uncertainties because our brains are so active, albeit for different reasons.

If anyone is open to sharing, I'd love to better understand what about a work environment helps you thrive vs. what doesn't (e.g. how the work day is structured, situations in group/team settings, and anything else that sticks out to you).

Working in tech, I feel like I have a strong obligation to learn as much as I can so that, with my team, we can create an inclusive product that caters to users of all cognitive footprints. So please don't mind me as I drop in and out of this thread to gain more knowledge and do my best to be a more empathetic person.

 

[VanitasFan26]

I'm autistic and for the longest time I've always relied too much on what people think of me which has really affected me personally. I need to learn to validate myself and not focus on what people think of me and how I should not live up to their expectations. I need to decide what makes me feel good about myself and I should be around people who respect me for who I am. Its this realization that has finally hit me.

When someone tells me a hurtful thing. I feel pressured to do stuff to make them feel happy but then my mental well being suffers because I am not feeling happy about it. I feel like If I do what they tell me to do they will be happy but then I suffer on the inside. Its hard when you try to do things that make you happy but then the people you love will try to tell you to do things that is "for you own good" You try and stand up for yourself but then they tell you things that makes yourself feel worse. I hate this feeling so much.

I really want to believe there is good people out there, but in my case its very rare, because I've been hurt so many times in my personal life. I will forever remain skeptical whenever someone tells me how "nice" a community or someone else. At times they may look nice, but deep down they could be someone that could screw you over or sometimes lash out of you.

Nobody will ever understand what I go through. They don't know how it feels like to be abused, neglected, manipulated, and of course the most painful one being backstabbed by those who you thought they were people that cared about you, but then turned their backs on you. For an autistic like me its really hard because I feel like barely anyone understands that mental illness.

Combined that with depression it makes it a lot more difficult. I know there is kind people out there, but the biggest is we live in a time where its easy to spot really kind people, but deep down they can turn into something you would not expect them to be in a bad way. I'm just saying how I've been deal with this throughout my life. Not just on the internet, but in real life too.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

Hello! I'm neurotypical so sorry if I sound like I'm intruding on this thread or I sound like I don't understand
I just want to know how to treat autistic people the best I can so I don't make them feel uncomfortable or make things more difficult for them.
My second closest friend has autism, I was wondering if there is anything I should avoid saying/doing to autistic people
I read somewhere autistic people aren't good at understanding sarcasm and homophones is that true or not?

figuring out a way to treat autistic people can be a bit tricky, because while I personally like to be treated like a normal person, I also like people to be aware of the fact that I do have a disability and that keeps me from being able to do everything a NT person can do.

the best thing to do would be to listen to them. if they say something is making them uncomfortable then it might be good to help them cope with it. like if you're hanging out with your friend and they say the room is too bright/loud then that's their sensory issues and they need a darker/quieter space. I think some autistic people are afraid to speak up, though, so it may also be a good idea to just check in every once in a while and ask if they're comfortable or if they need anything.

also the sarcasm thing I don't think is particularly true. my mom is very sarcastic so of course I am as well, and I understand when others are using it. the only thing I can say is that an autistic person's definition of sarcasm might be different from your own. I've never heard of the homophone thing personally, can't say I believe it.

Post automatically merged: Apr 2, 2022

Thank you so much for making this thread and opening up this super important conversation!

I actually just found that my Product Designer teammate has ADHD, so this insight is super valuable and timely to me. Thank you for being open in sharing your vulnerabilities. I myself am prone to anxious thoughts, and it's really interesting how my teammate and I frequently ask the rest of our team questions regarding future uncertainties because our brains are so active, albeit for different reasons.

If anyone is open to sharing, I'd love to better understand what about a work environment helps you thrive vs. what doesn't (e.g. how the work day is structured, situations in group/team settings, and anything else that sticks out to you).

Working in tech, I feel like I have a strong obligation to learn as much as I can so that, with my team, we can create an inclusive product that caters to users of all cognitive footprints. So please don't mind me as I drop in and out of this thread to gain more knowledge and do my best to be a more empathetic person.

so working is different for everyone. some autistic people are able to work full time with no issues, and some aren't able to work at all. I personally am able to work, but only part-time, as anything longer than 4-5 hours is super draining for me and I need lots of recovery time afterward.

something in particular that helps me work is being able to ask as many questions as I need to. I'm very prone to misinterpreting what people say so I constantly ask questions to reassure myself that I'm doing the work correctly. some people get annoyed when students/employees ask a ton of questions but I've always appreciated those who are very open to questions.

I also greatly preferred to work alone. I think that mostly has to do with masking (aka hiding autistic traits while around others to avoid ridicule), but when I'm by myself I work really fast and of course I can still get clarification/input from others if needed. forcing me to work in a group has pretty much always been really bad for me because I approach things in my own different way.


I can't think of any other examples rn but I'm sure more stuff will come up in here soon

 

[Croconaw]

I have autism. I was diagnosed very young. Something that seems to be uncommon for people with autism is I’m actually extremely extroverted, although I didn’t come out of my shell until gaining more confidence (basically after my dental surgery, lol). On those personality tests, I always score above 80% extroverted, and sometimes even 100% depending on my mood.

I’m very meticulous when it comes to cleaning for work. As a result, I’m very OCD with my floors. I’ll sweep whenever I see any trash on the ground. Idk if this comes from being autistic or just being very meticulous at work. There’s somebody (also with autism) that works with me every Saturday (he’s like my partner for the day) and he’s very similar to me in terms of work ethic.

I was definitely diagnosed when I was younger though, according to my dad. He says you can grow out of it though? Idk if he’s saying that to make me feel better, but I’m definitely more social than I used to be.

 

[-Blue-]

I don't really tell a lot of people, but I do have ADHD and a speech and learning disability. Or rather I had the other two growing up. If I'm still classified as having the last two, I've worked on it over the years and through school that I don't notice them anymore. If I am being honest I really don't notice my adhd that much anymore. I guess sometimes I can be distracted easily, but most times these days I'm able to power through it?

School and when I was a kid was a lot different though. I had to put a lot more effort into academics when it seemed to come easier for some of my classmates. I ended up getting a presidential award for academic achievements when I graduated from high school, along with a few other award and scholarships. At the time I didn't really think much of it, but I did put a lot of my blood and sweat into bettering myself during those school years, so it's something I should be proud of.

And all of you who've commented should also be proud of how far you've come.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I was definitely diagnosed when I was younger though, according to my dad. He says you can grow out of it though? Idk if he’s saying that to make me feel better, but I’m definitely more social than I used to be.

you cannot grow out of being autistic. it's not a disease, it's a different way of thinking and perceiving the world around you. if you were autistic at age 4 then you'll still be autistic at age 55 lol.

 

[Croconaw]

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[Midoriya]

Thank you for making this thread.

I was born with Aspergers and have grown up with it my entire life. It crippled me socially at a young age. It was bad. In elementary school I didn't talk to others that much and threw temper tantrums, and in middle school I was excluded every single day at lunch 24/7/365 because no one wanted to associate with me. I was diagnosed with it around this time, and made the transition to private school.

Once that happened the very trajectory of my life changed. I took speech classes, learned how to pick up on social cues, learned figures of speech, developed a sense of humor, opened up, and made lots of friends. High school was the best time of my life because I went to a very small private school and everyone was friends with everyone!

This prepared me for university, where I spent a long time learning about important things, opening up to people more, and taking my studies very seriously. I attended and graduated from one of the top ranking universities in my state. I spent nearly all my time studying, asking questions, being transparent with professors, and going to tutors.

After this I continued to work several jobs before I recently started my new career job, in a field I absolutely love. They know I have it too, so there's no secrets there.

I will say that I am still too hard on myself a lot of the time, but I feel like that very nature of myself is what has allowed me to go beyond my limits time and time again. I have big dreams of giving back my time, money, and efforts to others, so I'm not going to give up until I achieve those dreams.

Finally, I will leave off with that you are correct, neurodivergent people do feel empathy at a high level. We're not people who can't relate to others. That simply cannot be true. I'm a living example of that. I've made countless friends both in real life and online in the past simply by expressing empathy, being honest, and being able to relate to them. Empathy is one of my top traits as well.

Whatever you do in life, whether you're neurodivergent or neurotypical, remember to be kind to others. Even something as simple as that goes a long way for another person.

 

[idiotdoomspiral]

Diagnosed with both. Asperger's in august 2016 and adhd-combined in february of this year. Both considered "late" diagnoses i was 14 then and now i am 20!

When my diagnosis of asperger's was changed to ASD i had already developed a superiority complex over autistic ppl because i "Wasnt Really Autistic" and for a lot of time i was in complete denial. That's mainly why i dont like the term asperger's vry much because i think it does that to ppl. Eventually i was able to accept myself for what it really is and i am happier and healthier as a result of that. Asperger's is still seen as The Cooler Autism to this day if u tell ppl "yea im autistic" theyll be like : puke : but if u say ur an aspie theyll b liek Omg soo ur not like actually disabled then its a gift Haha ur like that boy in a movie i saw who has 250 million IQ and solves rubix cubes with his eyes closed i think all of us have a little bit of asparagus in us

As for "growing out of it" that is somewhat true for ADHD as some symptoms can become more manageable in adulthood and medication can help too, though this is not always the case and not everyone with ADHD responds to meds well. I am an adult and even tho the meds have been a lifesaver for me i still think having adhd is very debilitating in my everyday life, even more so than my asd. As bad as it can be im not sure if i would wish it away because i am Me and what is me without me. U know what i me(an)

 

[visibleghost]

idk if you were sarcastic with the "rare case" stuff about adhd and autism but isn't it like a huge percentage of autistic people who also have adhd symptoms or full blown adhd? like more than half or something? :'o i know a lot of symptoms overlap, i don't have adhd but i have several symptoms of it because of my autism

i'm autistic, have been diagnosed for almost exactly 6 years at this point but i was aware that i had a lot of autistic symptoms since three or so years before i got my diagnosis and my evaluation and diagnosis process took around 6 months, so ye. it has been a while.

when i first found out about autism and realized i had so many symptoms (i was around 13) i was relieved because before that i had just felt weird, broken and bad at socializing. realizing i was autistic helped me feel less like a freak and gave me more compassion and understanding for my own problems and difficulties. then when i got my diagnosis at 16 it was a confirmation of what i strongly suspected all along. i didn't call myself autistic until i was in the late process of getting my diagnosis because idk self diagnosis isn't always accepted* but i had strong suspicions for a while and was not surprised when my psychologist was like "yo have u ever heard of autism ...." when i never ever made eye contact with her in our sessions. it was nice to finally be allowed to tell other people that i struggle in certain ways because of my autism, especially my parents were more understanding toward me after i got my diagnosis and their psychologist and my psychologist explained to them what it could mean for me.

my parents never suspected i was autistic as a kid and were kind of against me being diagnosed for a while because they really didn't see it. i think i have always been good at hiding my autism and making it appear as if i'm just shy and an old soul, and because i never struggled academically in school (socially was another story lol) no one bothered to do anything about my quirkiness.

*i personally don't agree with the extent that people self diagnose autism, but that's another topic. i know getting a diagnosis can be hard even for actually autistic people, but in some cases it really does appear like people go "oh i'm awkward xD" and call themselves autistic without making any effort to ever get a diagnosis or in any way confirm their self diagnosis. obviously most people who seriously self diagnose think deeper than that but i often see people online who think relating to general autism memes makes them autistic...? and see it as a feat to have an "autism radar"? i find it odd and unproductive, yes autism is underdiagnosed especially in women and girls but that does not mean that we should consider anyone who relates to a few diagnostic criterion as autistic, because at some point it turns into a whole "well everyone is a little autistic :')" thing, which sucks. autism is a disability that affects most, if not every, part of our lives and if someone strongly suspects they are autistic they either need to be very sure of themselves and have made a serious effort to read up on autism, or seek out a diagnosis. also i know i speak of a place of privilege because i was able to be diagnosed as a teenager completely for free through child psychiatric care in sweden, and i cannot relate to for example americans and their health care system. i still think people throw around self diagnosis a bit too much, but i might just be seeing the few bad apples out of a larger pool of undiagnosed but actually autistic people who utilise self diagnosis. oki end of rant

 

[xSuperMario64x]

idk if you were sarcastic with the "rare case" stuff about adhd and autism but isn't it like a huge percentage of autistic people who also have adhd symptoms or full blown adhd? like more than half or something? :'o i know a lot of symptoms overlap, i don't have adhd but i have several symptoms of it because of my autism

it may be the case, I was just going off of statistics that I found online (which I know can be all over the place because ofc there seems to be no concise records of autism/ADHD).

edit: I guess I wasn't clear, I meant that in comparison to everyone else (including NDs and NTs) the odds of someone being both is pretty slim.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

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[visibleghost]

When I was younger, my brother and I were almost declared autistic because of the tests they did and our responses, but our dad was able to disprove it before it was too late. I do not have autism or ADHD, but I'm glad I came across this thread because I definitely learned something here!

some of the tests are weird. i had an one hour session with two ladies i had never met before where i was supposed to read and talk about a story about flying frogs, and because i could talk about the story without being like "wow, flying frogs? that's so illogical!" they didn't think i was autistic. i was also supposed to make up stories and they determined that because i had an imagination and could make up a detailed story about some random objects that i couldn't be autistic. i was 15 at the time (the test seemed to be made for 5 year olds) and had no issues academically or intellectually. my point of this story is that some of the tests are weird af and don't make sense. NT people can think flying frogs are weird and autistic people can be fine with flying frogs. it's the whole picture that matters in the end.

also if someone fits an autistic stereotype, no matter if they are NT, some people think that they're autistic without any evaluation or tests or anything.

edit because i didn't mention this but of course i did a lot of other tests and i talked about my lived experience with psychologists and doctors and they came to the conclusion that i do have ASD. it was just this specific test that i performed at a neurotypical level, but it didn't say anything about specifically my status as autistic or not. the test could work for others but it felt weird for me, especially at that age

 

[StarlitGlitch]

Hello everyone! I just have ADHD not ASD and was diagnosed towards the beginning of high school. Not currently taking medication.

I joined a group for people who have neurodevelopmental disorders (ADHD/ASD/Learning Disabilities) that meets once a month but they haven't had it the past couple of months. I'm also reading a neurodevelopmental disorders "survival guide" by someone who has ADHD and basically gives types for daily life.

Anyways I enjoy being in the community so I'm glad we have this thread~

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I have a question for my fellow ADHD/ASD people

so I'm sure most (if not all) of you experience what I like to call "high and low" days, where some days you feel fine and you can get stuff done and other days you really just don't have the energy to do much of anything.

when you're having one of your "low" days do you ever find yourself getting excessively tired? maybe having poor sleep quality and/or sleeping a lot more than usual?

I'm not talking about depression per se, although I know that can be a contributing factor. but the last few days have been my "low" days, and while I usually get up around 6-7am and I'm up and ready to go, lately I've been waking up then going right back to sleep and waking up again anytime between 8:30-11:30am. my mom thinks it's a Vitamin D deficiency or low iron (I don't think so bc I take supplements) but I think it's just because I get exhausted so easily and that excessive tiredness is my body trying to recuperate. anyone else deal with this?

 

[Dunquixote]

I have a question for my fellow ADHD/ASD people

so I'm sure most (if not all) of you experience what I like to call "high and low" days, where some days you feel fine and you can get stuff done and other days you really just don't have the energy to do much of anything.

when you're having one of your "low" days do you ever find yourself getting excessively tired? maybe having poor sleep quality and/or sleeping a lot more than usual?

I'm not talking about depression per se, although I know that can be a contributing factor. but the last few days have been my "low" days, and while I usually get up around 6-7am and I'm up and ready to go, lately I've been waking up then going right back to sleep and waking up again anytime between 8:30-11:30am. my mom thinks it's a Vitamin D deficiency or low iron (I don't think so bc I take supplements) but I think it's just because I get exhausted so easily and that excessive tiredness is my body trying to recuperate. anyone else deal with this?

I’m not sure if my reply will help answer this for you since I am pretty sure depression is the reason for my sleeping habits on “low” days, but will share just in case . Sorry this is all over the place.

I honestly used to get more done many years ago back in high school (though then i got diagnosed with depressed and over the years i got less and less stuff down).

I don’t know how long I’ve experienced low energy, but now it is an every day thing even on days that aren’t bad. My mom keeps thinking it is because I stay up late (this convo happened many times before my sleep patterns worsened a month or two ago), but I notice when I did try to go to bed at a normal time and even if i did sleep all night, I wake up at ridiculously late times. I always stayed up late even as a baby (that was never diagnosed as anything though).

I think I generally have low energy regardless what kind of day it is for me. When I still drove, I’d get tired even as I drove, and even if the distance was relatively short.

On my low days, my energy is even worse than my regular low energy though. I’ve been struggling to get out of bed every day since my 21 year old kitty passed away in February; things haven’t been nearly as bad even on my low days since some point in college or high school (so many years). Been waking up between 3-5:30 pm; earlier i’d wake up (or rather i never went to bed at 5 am) and get up for a bit and then go to been doing that since i started working on my drawing sometime before my kitty passed away.

I used to be able to get myself awake at 1:30 pm and 3 or 4 pm would be the latest.

Sorry again if this doesn’t help and for this being all over the place. I’m still trying to figure out this and how to get the will, motivation or something to do things. Again, I think a lot of it is depression, anxiety related

 

[-Blue-]

I don't know @xSuperMario64x I don't want to assume, but it does sound like a form of depression. If you're talking about it being harder to get out of bed when you used to have a set sleep schedule/pattern. Or that you just sleep a lot longer than you normally do. I had seasonal depression pretty bad last winter. I normally never experience it, but it hit me hard.

There was a lot going on with my life, plus the pandemic where I live still being peak levels and the lockdown still being somewhat in affect meant it was either work or be trapped at home. I was also helping being the caretaker of someone who could not take care of themselves anymore and it felt like a lot of family abandoned this on to me. So this feeling of being trapped, burdened, and alone really put a strain on me and a lot of things I liked to get into was hard to find the motivation if not impossible because if I was not at work I was being a caretaker. So it was hard and it screwed up my sleep schedule to.

I don't know, I figured I'd just share that. I could be way off, but that was the case for my sleep schedule being out of whack.