Personally, I hated sitting in a class surrounded by all my peers who were already judging each other, all getting talked at by people we didn't even know about sex and intimacy. I feel like these sessions would have been better if we broke off into smaller groups and had someone there to facilitate discussion. I had a lot of questions but it felt really stigmatized to talk about sex in front of my peers.
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Serious Talk on Sex -Keep It Mature! description about a manga now added
- Thread starter Fearthecuteness
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Personally, I hated sitting in a class surrounded by all my peers who were already judging each other, all getting talked at by people we didn't even know about sex and intimacy. I feel like these sessions would have been better if we broke off into smaller groups and had someone there to facilitate discussion. I had a lot of questions but it felt really stigmatized to talk about sex in front of my peers.
fallenchaoskitten
Legendary Something or Other
Thank you for saying this.
Being a married woman myself... it really isn't that big of a deal in a relationship as being a requirement like so many are kinda making it out to me... like "If you don't have good sex life it will fail" kinda crap. =/
I mean. I use to work 1st shift and my husband 2nd shift. We LITERALLY say each other for 30mins to an hour at MOST a day... and entire day... that's it... Not exactly time for sex either since it was almost a meal together. So, sex life was non-existent or even any sexual activities for that matter.
And we are just fine and both completely happy and satisfied with each other.
We both aren't look elsewhere for attention. We both are very big against cheating... and really we trust each to know that isn't even something the other would consider.
I agree and disagree.
Sex is considered to be a basic need in humans. Except, people's need for sex differs. Of course, no relationship should be hinged solely on sex (unless it has an FWB status and there is no commitment involved).
So I don't believe that sex is not important to a relationship at all. It definitely has importance, but it depends on the person, their partner, and their sex drives. It's a matter of having that need met and how important it is to the person. Someone's sexual needs not being met can definitely cause problems in a relationship.
I always heard that the average penis size is 6-8 inches.
But the size should never really matter anyway. It's all about what you do with it.
More like 5-6.5, anything topping 7 is typically painful for most women save for "experienced" ones.
Diamondarcadia
Camden, Cora & Claires Mommy
To say that sex isn't important at all in a relationship is a very ignorant statement. Perhaps you and your wife are comfortable with that opinion but that isn't true for a lot of couples. You are disregarding the scientific importance sex has proven to have in relationships. As humans, sex is a natural desire for us to have and some people are more sexually charged than others. When we ignore this need of our partner, then we essentially are depriving them of something they feel biologically inclined to do. In doing so, you can put serious strain on a relationship. There are circumstances where sex wouldn't be appropriate to ask a women to engage in (soon after childbirth for example, she may not be ready) or a man (after a trying or stressful day/surgery/etc etc) when you are applying pressure and essentially forcing your partner to agree to have sex then it won't be a good experience for either person. Due to recent health issues, I haven't been in the "mood" so to speak but understanding that I am married and my husband has his desires as well, I try to do my best when I am feeling good. For me to completely ignore him and say no every single time will undoubtably put unnecessary strain on our relationship.
fallenchaoskitten
Legendary Something or Other
Ummm... No... No. No. No. No. No. NOOOOOO!
If you are NOT in the mood of wanting to do sexual activity, you shouldn't. Period.
Forcing yourself to be sexual involved sole not to hurt your partner's feelings is the worst thing to possibly do.
You just mentioned not even a sentences before, "you are applying pressure and essentially forcing your partner to agree to have sex then it won't be a good experience for either person." Which is EXACTLY what that is.
It has absolutely nothing to do with "marital duties." Sex should come because BOTH parties WANT to have it to actually have it. Not because one does.
And saying "no" shouldn't be thought of as "completely ignoring them," it should be considered "respecting myself and my body because I don't feel like doing it right now."
... And I thank you for saying the soon after child birth part.
I don't remember any one else really bringing that up.
Child birth, natural or c-section is a very traumatic event to happen to organs within the body. Yes, it is a natural event, but it puts a real strain on your entire abdominal and pelvic region. It is mostly said to wait a least 6 weeks after giving birth before having sexual intercourse.
This will allow the body time to heal. But the 6 weeks after is normally the time for the next dr. visit to make sure everything is "ok."
Many relationships don't feel like waiting the 6 weeks and end up being just fine, but it is best to consult with your own doctor yourself since everybody's body is different. Yours may be healing faster than others and it be just fine, or you could be healing slowly and will need to wait to not do damage to your innards.
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fallenchaoskitten
Legendary Something or Other
Since so many scientific things about the need for sex is being said, I thought I would share this article.
It isn't graphic.
I will post a few quotes even...
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...-hugs-hanky-panky-keeps-couples-together.html
... And I can guarantee you I can find you other articles that suggest CUDDLING has many of the same connecting and positive emotional and hormonal effects as having sexual intercourse.
So, rockthemike13 is not being ignorant.
But stating further facts from personal experience that young people need to know that sex isn't something they should feel obligated to do or prioritize in a relationship.
It isn't graphic.
I will post a few quotes even...
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...-hugs-hanky-panky-keeps-couples-together.html
and it does touch on each gender ::
... And I can guarantee you I can find you other articles that suggest CUDDLING has many of the same connecting and positive emotional and hormonal effects as having sexual intercourse.
So, rockthemike13 is not being ignorant.
But stating further facts from personal experience that young people need to know that sex isn't something they should feel obligated to do or prioritize in a relationship.
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staticistic1114
im hungry
well, its not that I don't want to do it
I just want my first time to be worth it with someone I'm sure will stay by my side, which is most probably after marriage
anyways, I'm just too nervous about uhh.. getting naked >//>
how do I get myself prepared?
fallenchaoskitten
Legendary Something or Other
I'm sorry but with the second to last sentence all I could think of was "do it with the lights off."
If the naked part is a scary part, there is always the option of having the lights all the way off or very dimmed ((enough just to see what you are doing)) as well as doing everything under the covers, including undressing.
Much less intimidating than getting undressed beside the bed with all the lights on.
And when you are "in the heat of the moment" it is easy to actually forget about scary or worrisome things like "omg! they saw me naked!" ^-^
Sounds weird, but get use to having your partner see you in your bikini ((... for women on this part... that was a bad image of a guy in a bikini. >.<)). Bikinis really don't cover all that much. Especially the string bikinis... not hiding much... And it also common that underwear and bras cover more than a bikini. XP
That way, it is a safe and pretty innocent way to adjust yourself into letting your partner see your body. =3
EDIT
And I forgot to add, that in many relationships before you actually get to the stage of intercourse, there is several activities that may involve your partner seeing your unclothed body. Maybe not all of it at once, but in pieces. That does help when it comes time to finally completely disrobe.
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staticistic1114
im hungry
Do you recommend I, like, wear body mist or something? Or maybe make a habit of applying body lotion to make my skin smoother? (ofc not at the moment I'm doing it xD)
fallenchaoskitten
Legendary Something or Other
Eh. You can.
When you're young, it's not as big of a deal since the skin is naturally more supple... but it is good to start at an early age to maintain that for when you start to get older.
Really, I never messed with lotion until around this year, age 23, since my legs have been getting irritatingly dry. >.>
...
And not to sound weird, but if you happened to just have shaved your legs ((or you can say you just finished really XP)) you can jokingly ask your partner, with lotion bottle in hand, if they would like to put lotion on for you. Sometimes they will laugh and just look at you, but sometimes they will. =3
It's a pretty innocent act, but can be a close intimate one.
((note:: that only isn't weird if they come to your house or something... definitely would be strange to do at the restaurant.))
EDIT
Oh... and to go with the "get use to being seen in the bikini" ... you can always take it further by letting them put sunscreen on your back.
Innocent and allows you to adjust not just them seeing your body, but being close to you in that state as well. =3
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staticistic1114
im hungry
fallenchaoskitten
Legendary Something or Other
I only thought of that since I was something I would always do with my husband before we were even married. =3
And it's a good time to just laugh and pretty innocent fun despite the fact they are touching your body.
I always shaved my arms too since they are like... man hair... so he would put lotion on my arms as well.
But there is a lot of, again, innocent ways to get use to see your partner and letting your partner see your body and be near it as well.
Those type of activities will help with closeness and trust.
And those two things will help you overcome the stressful, fearful feeling of "... they saw me naked. o.o" part of intimacy...
Baby steps... Baby steps...
((omg... the baby steps could be a really awful pun to the intimacy part... but I didn't mean it that way))
But for your first time, it normally isn't likely for it to just be someone you just met and is a one night stand kinda thing... I said normally... it does happen... And I'm not talking about it being rape. So, there is time to slowly build up to that moment.
Wait, are we talking about length or width here? Cause there is a difference. Seven inches for width definitely would be painful.
Anyway, it really doesn't matter to me. Whatever length my boyfriend has, I'm satisfied. xD
Diamondarcadia
Camden, Cora & Claires Mommy
I do not force myself to engage in sexual activity with my partner. I enjoy it as much as he does and I try to open myself up more to the idea of it since having it out of my mind for a long time, I just forget to remember. Me and my husband have a very active and healthy marriage in all aspects and when he is in the mood, and I am not feeling bad or sick, of course I will switch my mindset over. Sex is not as important to me the last year or so because, again of some health issues, but I am not forcing myself and my husband understands completely when I can't or don't feel up to anything. My general point was that going around and saying sex isn't important in a marriage, don't do it! ..Is irresponsible advice to give. When you are marriage you share your soul with that person, you tell them everything, you think of them as your best friend, sex is a physical way to express that love and connection. It can be a very big part of bonding between two people. If you have kids running around, don't talk, don't hang out, don't go out on dates or aren't intimate, then what the hell is going on? That would seem like torture to me. To each his own I guess...
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staticistic1114
im hungry
you know, if I know my bf all too well, then I'm sure he'd want to take it off for me >o>""
but anyways, can you give me a few tips about what boys like?
considering I'm the shy type, I'm not too sure of how to act
but yeah when I talked to my bf about it he's like "I'll give you confidence
" >//////<♥
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Hmmm no one is the same, what might turn one guy on maybe a huge turn off for another. No easy answer there, you have to learn what they like and that is the same whether it's your first time ever or your first time with a new partner! That comes with time and experience between the two of you. The key is communication, if there is something you like, suggest it, which maybe awkward at times but a subtle move of a hand can be all it takes! Of course it goes the same for the other way too if you don't like something say so too!
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