literally took a shower last night and I feel like I need another, but I have no clean clothes
to say I'm disorganized is an understatement. I've gone through a complete breakdown of mental and executive functioning because I've been so tired and overwhelmed. I don't know what my problem is. I don't know why I keep forgetting to wash clothes, why I forget to wash dishes, why I don't do my readings on time or submit my assignments on time, why I put off all of my hobbies, why I don't clean as often as I should. I feel like I'm just absolutely shattered, lying in pieces all over the floor, and I can't pick myself up. I feel useless, I feel helpless. I'm so tired.
now I'm sitting here, feeling really filthy, and I don't know what to do. I've literally nothing to wear when I get out of the shower. I guess I should add the context that I am physically incapable of lifting stuff over 15 lbs right now, not just because of my surgery but because I feel weak, and lifting stuff definitely puts strain on my incisions. because of that I haven't been able to take heavy basket of laundry up and down the stairs to wash. a perfect recipe for executive dysfunction.
I'm so tired

I actually want to sob. I'm so tired. I can't wait until this class ends, it sucks bc I've been enjoying it but I cannot dedicate my energy to this, and trying to allow my body to heal properly, and working, and cleaning and cooking for myself, and everything else. it's too much, I've cracked under the pressure. I'm so tired. I need a break so badly.
ik all I ever do is complain here, I'm sorry. I try to stay positive and talk about happy stuff (I'll probably go make a happy thread post later, bc I am genuinely happy about a few things) but the stuff I deal with in my day to day life is too much to always keep at bay. I don't expect myself to go out into the world every day acting like I'm okay, cause I'm really not.
though I don't know why I'm venting here, on a public forum... maybe so my friends here can see it. so I can have a listening ear. I wish we could all be in a more private place. I wish I had a safer, non-public space with my friends where we could hang out and chat and vent and support each other. maybe I can ask some friends to join me on a Discord server?
anyway I need to keep reading so I can work on this assignment, but I just want to be done. I want to take a shower and get cozy and go to bed. I don't know...
also unrelated, part of my reading is showing me the actual truth about fake news and misinformation spreading about major historical events, and it's making me realize just how dangerous the internet is. it's madness, insanity.