What's Bothering You?

feeling very hopeless. seems no matter how much i try to get help for my declining mental health + extreme fatigue, there's just no resources and help available. the one thing that could possibly help, currently, won't be prescribed outside of a diagnosis for a specific thing, which i do very likely have anyway, but there's nowhere to get diagnosed for said thing unless i pay privately, which i just can't afford.
 
Part of me kinda feels like it's too late to learn anything new. I feel like I'm already past my prime to learn certain new things already. You know what they say, "you can't teach an old dog new tricks," and I feel like this saying does kinda apply to me in some way. I've always struggled with this feeling of self-doubt for as long as I can remember, and I feel like I'll never truly overcome this feeling.

Whenever I recently learn how to do something, part of me feels guilty for not learning about it sooner. I'm 21 and I can't really cook dinner meals for myself, let alone my family, not to mention no matter how much money I get from my paycheck which I get twice a month, I still can't seem to save up the majority of my money. I just keep spending most of, if not all my money, both cash and credit card. I always feel this urge to spend every single penny of my money.

*sigh* I wish I could just go back in time to tell my younger self to learn how to do certain "adult" things sooner. I've pretty much wasted my early adult years already, and I don't even know how my adult years throughout the rest of my 20s is gonna be like.
 
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I should be okay now but I’m still feeling really uncertain about something and mentally drained. I hope things will go back to normal but it is hard to be optimistic when so much has gone wrong when it comes to socializing throughout my life.

No replies or discord messages please.
 
The rest of my family got sick within the past week and I have been worried about getting sick too. I currently have a really bad headache.

I'm also worried about the hurricane because I have a friend living in Florida.
I hope your friend stays safe. It keeps going between a 4and now back to a 5. I hope it goes back down again. This one really has me worried.
 
I accidentally left my Switch on for a while (forgot to change sleep mode settings x_x) and when I went back to it the fan was SUPER LOUD and it was overheating so I had to turn it off. It'll be fine later but I'm so scared of using it. The last thing I want to happen at this point is for my Switch's battery to explode on me. T^T
 
I still miss this game a lot and I will never understand why this was only avaliable for a limited time.
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I have woken up so many times during the night, and at this rate I gotta be up in less than an hour anyway. I'm so tired and now I have to drive home feeling tired, I hate doing that 😭 especially when it's a two hour drive.

at least I don't have to work today, maybe I can go home and take a nap. and of course I have the memory of the concert to pump me up a bit 💜
 
I have a dentist appointment tomorrow. It’s not even really the dentist itself I’m worried about, but I’m mostly worried about my dad and my grandma, especially the latter, being hard on me about my teeth. I understand they just want me to have good dental health, but they don’t understand that I have a lot of things working against me. >_<
 
I feel worse today. Probably still slowly getting sick.

I also tried to look up information about the hurricane and there's headlines about politics and misinformation, which should absolutely not be happening during an emergency but this is what humanity is like. Horrible.
 
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