What's Bothering You?

idk I'm just feeling kinda sad and anxious rn. lots on my mind. I'm waiting for my mom to be done w her appt so we can go home and I can actually relax for a bit.
 
Sister of my fiance who has a 1 month old wants to do way too long distance holidays already with her and is refusing to accept that now with a baby life is not as "free" as it was before.. it annoys me, as she insists on getting tips on how we handled it with a (almost) 1 year old.. told her that with 3 months a 4 hour trip with the car was hell.. now imagine putting the stress of a 2+ h long carride + min. 2h flight on a not even 2 months old. I find it honestly careless and it disgusts me..
 
Me: Hey can we do x instead of y? I don't like y because reasons
Other person: Okay yeah, sure, no prob!
My brain: wow you horrible controlling monster. you manipulative villain. wallow in the misery of your hollow victory you pathetic scoundrel
 
I started watching a movie on Netflix before bed, got sleepy, then turned it off halfway through. I'm feeling really rough this morning so told my boss I'll come in for noon instead of 8am. Seeing as I'm already awake I decided to watch the rest of that movie to take my mind off the nausea and, oh look, it was removed from Netflix overnight! I'm annoyed.
 
I used to get fresh air from walking but there’s always chimney smoke now and it’s too strong, always someone blasting music along the way too. I don’t like this neighbourhood. I just want peace and quiet.
 
1. My friend has set up a "secret" Instagram account (which is set public) and she has been posting on it for a while now but for some reason I am no longer privy to that new public account... but of course her boyfriend is. Oh well it's nice to know how much I mean to her these days despite the fact any conversation we do have always ends with her not replying even when the conversation is in full flow etc.

2. My neighbour's have set up a CCTV camera in their front window (badly disguised by a bird box) and it's pointed directly at our driveway which is shared between us and two other households all because one of their bushes accidentally got destroyed by a delivery driver last week. The DPA (2018) states CCTV should not be pointed at neighbouring properties, shared spaces or public areas which is the exact opposite of what they've done.

3. The bus I catch home from work is no longer allowed to stop at one of the stops I get off so I now have to switch buses (again) which means I get home later than normal. Also that means I will now have to pay out over £100 a month for a monthly ticket as I have no choice but to use the other bus service despite the fact that we're in a Cost of Living Crisis and £100 a month is a lot.
 
Obnoxiously positive co-workers... Like okay there's not much we can do about the move which sucks big time but can you stop being so positive about it, our current place is fine and if you think it's "dark and grey" or whatever just go outside and take some water or air...bruh. Like please be somewhat critical ffs.
 
today lunch at school was a disaster. there was plenty of open tables so i sat down at one in the corner. a girl from my class joined my table and i moved because i thought that maybe she wanted to be alone, i mean she’s usually alone and i think she sat at the table that i chose to sit at today last year so i didn’t want to invade her space. my aunt and brother said that i probably came across as rude, i mean i thought that too but i was like she probably thought it was awkward that some random person was sitting at her table. i think im going to approach her tomorrow at lunch and be like “hi can i sit here? i didn’t know if you wanted to be alone or not yesterday so i moved” would that be weird since i moved away from her yesterday? i also want to talk to her and not just sit there but i don’t know what to say.
 
i don't know why i constantly think about how short life is (and by extent the meaninglessness of the day to day monotony) but it never fails to get me down. especially when i realize i don't have time for, well, anything beyond work & school at this point in my life. it feels like i'm wasting what little time i have (even though i'm in my 20s??????). why am i thinking about this. ugh.
 
I told my best friend that she was being immature while I was hanging out with her at school yesterday and she got defensive and snapped at me. "Oh, you think I'm immature? Did you get a job yet? Did you get your driver's license?" Yikes... I can't even get my driver's license because I'm still 15. Also, time to add her to my list of people telling me to get a job. Ugh. I don't think it's such a good idea when I struggle so much in school, anyways. At least I don't make a ton of sex jokes (which is why I called her immature) and take everything in a sexual way... I guess we have different definitions of 'mature'. Whatever, I shouldn't even be mad about this.
 
I don’t know what to expect working tomorrow. I’m going to a different store for the next three days. I’m happy that it will be overtime. I heard it will be easier since there’s no dining room.
 
trying to get all my courses into order is making go wild. i'm getting a migraine from thinking so much :///
at least i have gym first semester (semptember until sometime in march) so i dont have to worry about running in the hot summer heat :D
 
Stressing about moving back to be closer to campus to start college again. I feel more-so than my previous years, even though this will be like, my 5th time doing it? I moved back with my parents to spend the summer with my family (as I usually do) and got a part-time job while I juggled summer school. Though my work stressed me out because the management was toxic, I made a friends with a few of my co-workers and saying goodbye was emotional... I think I'm feeling more sad about moving away this year because it would have been nice to make plans to hang out with my friends outside of work. 😔
 
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