What's Bothering You?

[VampireSenpaii]

I have quite the vent, I've talked about this before on other forums so I'll keep it short.

Right now, I am dealing with the possibility of being kicked out in 6 months. And I'm disabled, so I'm unable to work unless it's an online job of some sort. Which I'm currently having no luck with, no matter how much I apply to anything. I have tried getting on disability before (tried since I was 16 in fact), but I've been denied because I am (1) considered 'too young' to be this disabled or (2) my brother makes 'too much' from his work for me to qualify for anything. And it sucks, because my state is supposed to be one of the 'easier' ones to get disability in and I live in a dead-end town (90% heavy lifting, customer service, and requiring a car). So I'm stuck trying to find a job that I can do even with my disabilities, all the while I'm scared I'll be homeless by autumn.

I'm just so scared, with the state of how things are now I fear I may not make it on my own. I still live with my brother (he has a job), but he is so stressed out that he feels I am 'manipulating' him into 'living it easy' rather than 'being an adult' and getting myself a job. Even his work buddies said I should only be given three months to find something, but he wanted to give me some space to process everything and he knows 3 months means nothing when you are job searching so I get a whole six months instead. But it isn't helping my anxiety at all, I've been crying every single day as I've tried to avoid scams and just reach out to try and find some kind of job I can hopefully get before the deadline.

In case anyone is wondering, I have quite a few mental disabilities and a chronic heart condition. And trust me, I've tried re-applying for disability at least once ever 2-3 years now and even trying to find resources that may help get my foot in the door to get at least a small amount of the accommodations I need. But I haven't been lucky at all, and I'm all on my own to figure this out. I'm not that smart, I am a bit slow and don't understand some things unless I get a full in-depth explanation. Plus, I know they factor in my age and biological gender (afab) which I have heard is very common for those who are trying to apply. And I don't wanna have to wait 6-12 months to see if I'll be denied or not, I do not have the time for that anymore.

 

[Giddy]

I have quite the vent, I've talked about this before on other forums so I'll keep it short.

Right now, I am dealing with the possibility of being kicked out in 6 months. And I'm disabled, so I'm unable to work unless it's an online job of some sort. Which I'm currently having no luck with, no matter how much I apply to anything. I have tried getting on disability before (tried since I was 16 in fact), but I've been denied because I am (1) considered 'too young' to be this disabled or (2) my brother makes 'too much' from his work for me to qualify for anything. And it sucks, because my state is supposed to be one of the 'easier' ones to get disability in and I live in a dead-end town (90% heavy lifting, customer service, and requiring a car). So I'm stuck trying to find a job that I can do even with my disabilities, all the while I'm scared I'll be homeless by autumn.

I'm just so scared, with the state of how things are now I fear I may not make it on my own. I still live with my brother (he has a job), but he is so stressed out that he feels I am 'manipulating' him into 'living it easy' rather than 'being an adult' and getting myself a job. Even his work buddies said I should only be given three months to find something, but he wanted to give me some space to process everything and he knows 3 months means nothing when you are job searching so I get a whole six months instead. But it isn't helping my anxiety at all, I've been crying every single day as I've tried to avoid scams and just reach out to try and find some kind of job I can hopefully get before the deadline.

In case anyone is wondering, I have quite a few mental disabilities and a chronic heart condition. And trust me, I've tried re-applying for disability at least once ever 2-3 years now and even trying to find resources that may help get my foot in the door to get at least a small amount of the accommodations I need. But I haven't been lucky at all, and I'm all on my own to figure this out. I'm not that smart, I am a bit slow and don't understand some things unless I get a full in-depth explanation. Plus, I know they factor in my age and biological gender (afab) which I have heard is very common for those who are trying to apply. And I don't wanna have to wait 6-12 months to see if I'll be denied or not, I do not have the time for that anymore.

Is there any sort of citizens advice bureau you could contact to figure things out, or that you can show doucment proof so they don't think you're just trying to get on disability because of 'laziness'
Is there a way to talk to a GP/doctors and get it in writing what things you have to avoid. Job wise, manual labour etc
If you have any proof, an email for example, of the jobs you've been trying to apply for, that at least shows you're trying. I dunno if this is of any help, but I've helped people in the past with their CV or writing cover letters, or anything like that, so if there's any help in that situation, let me know and I'll see if I can help.

I don't get why people take in advance that a family member makes this much, so there's no reason to help. That makes no sense to me.

Sorry if any of this isn't of any help. It just fustrates me when there are things that could help people with disability, yet they make it so hard for people to access it.
I wish you all the luck, just keep trying. Emailing, sending letters, phone calls, don't make them forget about you.

 

[VampireSenpaii]

Is there any sort of citizens advice bureau you could contact to figure things out, or that you can show doucment proof so they don't think you're just trying to get on disability because of 'laziness'
Is there a way to talk to a GP/doctors and get it in writing what things you have to avoid. Job wise, manual labour etc
If you have any proof, an email for example, of the jobs you've been trying to apply for, that at least shows you're trying. I dunno if this is of any help, but I've helped people in the past with their CV or writing cover letters, or anything like that, so if there's any help in that situation, let me know and I'll see if I can help.

I don't get why people take in advance that a family member makes this much, so there's no reason to help. That makes no sense to me.

Sorry if any of this isn't of any help. It just fustrates me when there are things that could help people with disability, yet they make it so hard for people to access it.
I wish you all the luck, just keep trying. Emailing, sending letters, phone calls, don't make them forget about you.

I do have my documents, been saving them as best I can since the last time I saw my therapist. But I've shown everyone numerous times, even gave them photo copies several times over, and it still hasn't helped at all (I actually lost my documents last year because the folder got soaked and my brother threw them all out by 'accident - i.e. without my permission or informing me until I asked where they were). The closest I got was with my last doctor, they got my application seen in a month rather than six and it still got denied outright. I still fully believe I'm denied because I'm under 30, I am afab, and I have no work experience or highschool degree. My mom had the exact same issues I do right now health-wise, and they never believed her - she was 45 when she passed, and they could 'never figure out' why she was so sick or how she exactly died despite having the documents showing her health was hanging on by a threat.

They already have that down in my records, even said that I most likely (like 90% sure) that I need a caretaker to help me with just my mental disabilities alone. And I was so close to getting one...until I was denied disability, and it was too long since I last talked to my caseworker at the time so that was taken away from me too. So my doctor knows full well that I am not mentally stable enough to care for myself, but their word/guidance wasn't enough to push me through. After that, I just gave up. That time was the closest I ever got to getting my goal, and it crushed me so badly I 100% believe it made my mental health even worse than before.

I use OneTab on my laptop to keep track of all those jobs specifically (mostly so I don't forget but also to show proof), at the moment I only have two because the rest were either scams or the sites they led me to were so confusing I just gave up trying applying to that job. Currently, I've applied to two AI writing jobs - one is for subtitle writing, and the other is algorithm learning. The latter was a reference that a kind soul on TikTok gave me, but for both they have a very low acceptance rate and I have to wait for an email from either to see if I was accepted or not (they don't send an email if I was denied). These are the kinds of jobs I can realistically do, and it's still so hard and I'm scared that I will never get accepted for these kinds of jobs at all.

Are you asking why my brother isn't 'helping' me? Because if you are, I can explain his reasoning for it - he just doesn't want to waste more energy on me. Not only is he autistic, but he has his night job at the factory and his partner only comes on the weekends. And I will admit, I am not the easiest to be around...my issues really get in the way of everything, I have a hard time keeping up chores and I always complain or say something depressing/morbid. Plus, I believe I am some form of hypochondriac (I get so easily paranoid and have a 'fear of failure' type phobia that is so ingrained into me from my past trauma that it's how I deal with stress). I do understand he is helping me so much already (he pays for my food and keeps me living where I do now at least for the next six months), but now everyone is making me feel like I'm some narcissist who is 'using' my brother to get what I want. And it hurts, to hear everyone say I am being 'manipulative' when in reality they know I am mentally/physically disabled and need help.

I know, it really sucks. And the thing is, it really started with my ****ty landlord. The old ******* wanted me to 'get a job', so they didn't send in their part of the paperwork and that caused us (at the time it was just my mom and I) to have no money for almost 3-4 years. It was hell, and to this day that old idiot still wants me to 'get a job' - but they get paid by my brother, so they don't say **** to me or him anymore.

I really wish I just had someone here to help physically guide me, I have tried saying for years that I need that kind of help but no one understands or even cares enough to give me that. Yeah, I'm an adult. But I'm still mentally disabled, and I wish people didn't just outright think I'm lying 'for attention' or just laugh at me and say I am 'definitely not disabled' simply because I'm still walking and breathing/talking. And now I'm just gonna cry the rest of the night, this all brought up a lot of bad memories for me.

 

[Chris]

<snip>

How much research have you done into employment programmes (particularly those aimed at disabled people) in your local area? A lot of people are unaware that there are programmes that exist to help get people into suitable work but they are out there.

I actually had to get help to find any myself because just the process of researching was overwhelming and made me feel a bit defective.

---

A child is pretending to be a train outside my window. He is so high pitched. The hooting has been ongoing for 10+ minutes. I might actually need to request ear defenders from my employer at this point because drowning them out with music doesn't solve the problem / isn't always enough to block out the sound of screaming children.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

snip

Spoiler

I just wanted to say that giving unsolicited advice kiiiiiinda isn't good, especially if you don't fully understand the situation. only Xara knows what is best for her, and I know as her friends it's in our nature to want to help her. but she can get through this, she's a strong and independent person, and unless she asks for advice then she probably understands that this is something she needs to figure out on her own. for now just leave her be. I know, having been in situations before where I felt like I needed to figure out stuff on my own, that having that indirect emotional support and validation from dear friends is more than enough.

I realize that this in itself is kinda giving unsolicited advice, but sometimes giving advice without prior approval can be pretty damaging. and I don't want to come across as rude at all, please don't think that I just want to say that it's best to ask if someone wants the advice of others before you say something of the sort.

 

[Seastar]

I've had a very stressful day and it's not actually over. I'm going to be awake for about 6 more hours even though I should definitely be going to sleep. Why? The weather.

 

[boring]

Spoiler

a friend of several years was antisemitic to me with the use of a certain symbol. i'm jewish. they knew.

Spoiler

some ppl i know are defending that persons actions. lol. judaism isn't a joke, it is my culture and my identity, its who i am. how could you disrespect it like that?

 

[Mr_Keroppi]

Snip

You both are such wonderful people and like… I even needed that advice about a friend in my life! Its hard when people do things or change and all you can remember is the old person and not all the horrible things until it happens again.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

my sleep schedule is very messed up because my stress is causing me to be tired and wide awake at inappropriate times. finally got out of bed yesterday at 11am and spent the entire day yawning and feeling tired, then suddenly bedtime comes and I lie awake in my bed tossing and turning for over two hours.

I just... don't want to be here right now. I really shouldn't go back to sleep but I definitely wish I could.

 

[nightglow]

.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

I am ****ing shaking with anger right now. I'm at school so I can't really do anything about it, so I'm just stewing in my anger when all I wanna do is walk outta class and do something to calm down... Which I can't do.

It's a pretty small bother, but... Eh. I haven't been this pissed off (at school) in a while.

 

[themysterybidder]

Spoiler: TW - Injury

Got this when with Blossom today. Managed to keep her from harm's way. She is completely fine, thank goodness. I got the brunt of it. I'm fine too, just a bit tender and was quite scary to have a dog attached to you and no way of it releasing its grip. I have never experienced that before with any dog. Blossom got more treats than usual as I was just so grateful she was unharmed and safe. Really, just a warning to myself to be extra cautious of all other dogs, no matter how friendly they seem!

Spoiler: Arm

Spoiler: Blossom is completely fine!

 

[xSuperMario64x]

day 2 of being miserable lol

Spoiler: maybe should give some context

yesterday afternoon I overheard a phone conversation my parents were having, and my mom mentioned my dad bringing a dog home. that alone was enough to make me break down in tears. I just gave up a cat to the local rescue because I'm trying to reduce the number of animals in this house, and therefore the amount of stress I'm constantly under. my parents clearly don't understand just how stressed I am, and have been for a while now. but instead of hearing her own child sobbing with a face full of tears, my mom came into my room to continually justify why we should keep this dog, making empty promises (being that I brought up the fact that I would be the one doing most of the work because she's disabled and my dad works full time, and she said that I wouldn't) and saying "you have your baby" (referring to my dog). she seemingly has no regards or empathy for me. I know that she cares but she's not even attempting to give me the care and respect and understanding that I actually deserve. I really don't give a **** what my parents want to do with their lives, but as long as I'm living with them, I have to face the consequences of my own actions AND THEIRS!

so I ended up having a breakdown two different times yesterday, and I've had one this morning. this dog that they have is a little over a year old, not fixed, he's prob a mutt but looks like he has rat terrier and italian greyhound in him. he has a lot of energy and loves to run. my mom is disabled, so understandably he's been causing issues for her because he wants to get up and move, he's not content to just lie around. and my dad honestly couldn't care less. so guess what? that means that the dog is largely my responsibility! who the hell would've guessed? I can't stand to see him cooped up in my mom's room and not be able to get the stimulation and exercise that he needs, but I also can't give him that attention myself because I'm already dealing with a lot and I have my own dog to take care of, a 90-lb golden retriever.

not to mention, this new dog is young, he's not fully potty trained, he's not fixed, he's very hyper and energetic. he's a nice dog but holy ****. I am not in a place in my life where I can take care of a dog like this right now, and my parents are foolish for thinking that they are. my parents can be so irresponsible, I feel like I've become their parent and that's ****ing ridiculous.

so now my mom is struggling a lot, and she's already tipped me over the edge today so I've decided to put a boundary in place and say no. she wanted a dog, now she has to deal with it. and of course, because I'm not allowed to say no (even though "can you help me" implies the illusion of free choice), she's gotten angry at me multiple times. did I mention that it's not even noon yet and I've only been awake for a few hours?

I have to leave for work in a little while, I still haven't eaten yet and my room is a mess. I've already had to clean up after this dog multiple times. some of his antics really tick me off (he gets nervous and pees a bit on the floor when I work with him because I have an assertive and commanding voice, my dog is used to it but obviously the new dog isn't. I've become a bit of a germaphobe and having him in this house makes me feel really gross. so I'm already dealing with the stress of deep cleaning and organizing my room, on top of going to work and maintaining my relationships and doing self-care and working toward applying for a work visa, and now I have this little rat dog to deal with. I just can't do it. I really can't.

I feel like I'm constantly having my boundaries disrespected and I can't stand that. I don't feel any genuine love or care from this family. I've outgrown them, they clearly can't give me what I need. so I cried out loud, alone, earlier because my mom has no empathy for me whatsoever. I know that if my friends could be there for me then they would. but it's really ****ty that my friends are more supportive and attentive to my needs than my own family is. I'm seriously gonna reach my breaking point with my parents, if they don't stop taking advantage of my desire to help and care for others then I'm gonna go full-stop. they can deal with themselves, I'm done. I guess if my mom wants to make me out to be a horrible child who no longer cares about his mother then whatever. I can't control what she thinks, I can only control how I respond to it.

part of me wishes they would just kick me out so I can actually find a place to stay where I would feel loved and respected.


if you actually read all of that then congrats, you're amazing. I desperately hope that things get better soon. I'll keep trying I guess, I certainly can't afford to stop trying.

 

[Chris]

<snip>

Oh my god, that looks awful! I don't know if the bruising is making it look worse than it is or if it really is that painful, but ouch!

I can't think of the right way to word this, so I hope you understand the sentiment even if the phrasing isn't good: I'm glad you were able to protect your dog and take the blow. I've experience with taking an injury while protecting an animal, and while it really sucks it is important to remember that we have a much better chance at recovering from these injuries than our precious animal friends do.

I hope it heals up quickly and that Blossom knows how lucky she was to have you with her.

 

[azurill]

<snip>

I’m glad you and Blossom will be ok . Sorry that happened and hope you heal quickly.

 

[themysterybidder]

-Snip-

Thank you, Chris! My main concern was Blossom, as she's not a biter and she's very laid back, so I was worried how she was going to react! It was a little swollen but that's went down and it's only tender when I touch it. Blossom can lick it better for me!

-Snip-

Thank you for your kind words. Just so relieved that Blossom was ok. Sending a cuddle and kiss to Aurora!

 

[VampireSenpaii]

How much research have you done into employment programmes (particularly those aimed at disabled people) in your local area? A lot of people are unaware that there are programmes that exist to help get people into suitable work but they are out there.

I actually had to get help to find any myself because just the process of researching was overwhelming and made me feel a bit defective.

---

A child is pretending to be a train outside my window. He is so high pitched. The hooting has been ongoing for 10+ minutes. I might actually need to request ear defenders from my employer at this point because drowning them out with music doesn't solve the problem / isn't always enough to block out the sound of screaming children.

I know they exist in my area, but due to my town being so small there is only one. And it's also used for ex criminals. I was in it before, I did have a 'job' for a week at some thrift store and it allowed me to keep my benefits. But my disabilities (and the toxic work environment) had forced me to be pulled out. I kept my benefits for awhile after that, but I've never been able to get disability. And I've tried ever 2-3 years, but every time I re-apply I'm denied.

I know, I feel the exact same. I can do most of the research myself, but I'm a bit slow and I always end up missing/forgetting important details or I end up saying the wrong thing because I misunderstand what's being asked. And every time I try to explain this, people say I am 'not that dumb' because I can obviously do certain things so it is 'not that hard'. It's caused me to just stop trying multiple times, especially since I have had to ask my brother for help in the exact same ways multiple times and he gets angry/upset with me about it.

Oof. Yeah, I'd never be able to deal with that kind of stuff for too long. Hope you can get those earplugs, or even some noise cancelling headphones.

 

[moonbyu]

i decided to take the spring/summer break from college and the good thing is i can rest.. the bad thing is i'm beginning to feel like dead weight just lazing around at home lmao. need to pick up some more hobbies .

 

[Xara]

snip

Oh gosh, that looks awful! My poor friend. :C I can’t imagine how scary that situation must’ve been for you and sweet Blossom. I’m so grateful that you aren’t more seriously injured and that Blossom is unharmed. Neither of you deserve to ever have any harm come to either of you.

I hope your arm heals quickly and that you aren’t in a large amount of pain or discomfort. I also hope you’re feeling as okay as you can emotionally and mentally, as this was a really scary situation. But you’ll be okay, and your girl will be okay, too. I’m so grateful that she has you to love and protect her.

 

[themysterybidder]

-Snip-

Thank you so much, Xara for your beautiful words. I've always tried to plan what I would do in a situation like that, but it happened so quickly but it completely unexpectedly. It felt as if it was the longest time ever, but probably only 20-25 seconds. It looked a contented calm dog until it started snarling, teeth showing then it thought 'They look tasty!' I certainly will be even more cautious of any dogs whether they look content or not! It annoys me that Bully XL dogs and other certain breeds get a bad name. My theory is it's not the dog, it's the owner! I've had plenty of licks, that's the best medicine!

Edit: Typo!