What's Bothering You?

i've been sick for 2 weeks now with an awful cold that hasnt improved. it's not covid as i've tested negative, but i'm extremely worried its RSV since all of my coworkers have very, VERY young children.
 
somehow one of our kitties got out and I didn't even know til I let my dog out a bit ago and I heard him crying outside 😭 no clue how long he was out there but I'm so relieved he stayed by the house until someone came out for him.
 
Even when i ask if my boyfriend is going to sleep he says not soon but then he falls asleep without telling me. I end up being alone at night after i finished work. I am busting my ass here to power through ptsd to draw and i have breakdowns and hes not even there for me. I know he cares very much. But im suffering. Im lonely. All i want after i finish work is to hang out with my boyfriend. Im not getting positive reinforcement or a reward after i work because night ends up being the worst time of day. I cant stay up waiting for him anymore. This schedule isnt working but i cant just sleep during the day. I really cant overstate how bad my ptsd is because it gives me flashes of violence, this isnt working.
 
lowkey wanna go to taco bell but I also don't bc for some reason lately my taste for that has just kinda gone out the window, especially their beef. it has such a weird taste (and texture??) 😬 but I can get an entire cravings box for $5 so like why wouldn't I?

also luckily I don't actually have to drive my mom to her appt today, but she woke me up at 9am and I have been so tired ever since. would love to take a nap for a bit. and I'm starting to feel pressure in my sinuses again so I really hope it doesn't turn into a headache 😞
 
Foreverfox said:
A part of me will never come back 🖤💔🖤
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Wow dang I'm so sorry :( :(
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Also might need to adjust my sleep schedule, usually I go to sleep 10 pm weekdays but it's not that I sleep until 11 pm even if I wind down sooooo might just go 11 pm instead
 
I feel like I’ll never know what it’s like to have a group of friends. I’m friends with some people but we never plan things together… it’s always everyone except me. And lack of effort on my part, sure, but it’s a two way street. I don’t want to be included because I asked and they feel obligated to. I want to be included because they want me there.
 
nothing like telling ppl you struggle bc of autism/ADHD and the best response they can give you is "work harder." 🙃

stuff like this is what makes me so frustrated and unhappy with myself and my life. **** just never ends.

I'm content with who I am and I know my limitations, but it pains me to think that so many people, my own family included, will look at what I do and think "this person just isn't working hard enough." it's sad. I know they have good intentions but it most certainly does not come across that way at all.
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BrokenSanity said:
I really wanted to clean my "room" today but I really don't feel like physically moving all of my stuff around since deep-cleaning is physically exhausting on my weak body trying to move all this heavy stuff around even though I do have the mental energy to clean I don't have the physical energy
It really sucks one of my favorite hobbies(yes I actually love cleaning) is so difficult for me to do and I can only clean for so long before I feel like I'm going to pass out
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really feeling this too as of late (though in a slightly different way), I like cleaing but I've been so mentally and emotionally exhausted I can only clean a little bit before I completely wear myself out 😞
 
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Today theres an art group meetup but I’m skipping it this week because I feel so terrible. The next week will be me trying to be presentable enough to go to the next one. I could just go but I know how I look and I’m not in the mood to draw today.

Got in an argument with a friend last night and he was saying how my current friend circle doesnt seem good for me basically, however its the best one I’ve had and idk where else to go, and it feels like he just expected me to try harder. I’m tired of trying to make friends, I hate looking for servers, I hate Discord. Even here is a cool place and idk if I even made any friends or just acquaintances. Really whenever I am in places I tend to just make acquaintances and idk where my friend expects me to find anything else. Ive had all these horrible experiences and even though they said just put my effort where I want I cant help but feel like I only look like im making excuses.

That also reminded me how lonely I am, so that’s great. And really, I really really do hate Discord as a replacement for forums, but forums are so dead.
 
I keep getting threatened about having all of my forum and social media accounts deleted by tomorrow. No matter how many times I change my password I’m told they can break right through it in five minutes. This is my favorite forum, so I figured I’d share. On top of that they claim they’ll delete every digital game I own and that they’ll steal all of my physical ones too.

I keep apologizing for what I did in high school (because what I did was awful), but they say they’ll never stop bothering me. They claim I deserve this for the rest of my life and that they’ll make sure I’ll never get married or have kids.

I want nothing more but for this to end.
 
[/SPOILER today has been rough for me. Like super rough. i just got into a huge fight with my mother and she told me to shut the **** up (she was a little tipsy though, she’s had a hard day at work). i was sexually harassed twice by 2 different guys. I had one ask me to put my elbows together, and the other literally asked if we could hook up in a bathroom. my mother said she’s had so many opportunities to take me out of the current school i go to, but she didn’t because she knew I would be so upset about missing my friends. while i’m glad she did, i also kind of wish she didn’t. i struggle with anxiety, depression, and adhd. this school year it has decided to act up, and i’ve done so many crappy things that i regret; such as harming myself, acting ****ty to my friends because of my mood (which caused one of them to go to the AP to get help.), and other things. mentally 2022 was awful to me and i wish to never go back.]

i like going to my current therapist, it’s just the family therapy that messes me up. i feel so uncomfy going. i don’t know why.
 
Neb said:
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I read this earlier and I have nothing else really to say than that those people seriously make me angry. I'm so, so, so, so sorry that you're having to go through this, Benjamin. I'll never understand why some people hold on to grudges for very long amounts of time. I really hope you can get this sorted out. We'll miss you if you leave. I'll miss you. :cry:
 
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