The out of context quotes thread

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Well I want a pretty pink birthday cake with my face on it!"

"You kinda forgot my birthday again, so yeah, my panties are in a bunch."

"Haha! Oh, well, I didn't forget. I just don't care."

"You black-and-white son of a gun."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Linda says that the janitor’s weakness is getting his head split open.”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Did you know that it only takes two pounds of pressure to drive someone's nose bone into their brain?"

"That's... What?"

"Two pounds! That's it, dad!"

"Why're you telling me this, Louise?"

"Revenge."

 

[Yukari Yakumo]

The story so far:
In the beginning, the universe was created.
This made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Welcome to the jungle, it is not all fun and games."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“C’mon Shapey! It’s time to protest the tonguing of frozen dairy products!”
“YAY!”
“Licking ice cream?”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Where are you getting these units of measurement from?!”
“Mar-ree!”
“Ha ha ha! That is still so funny!”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Oh, amethyst! If this were Stardew, I'd be feeding it to the characters."

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"What'll you have?"

"What do you recommend?"

"I recommend you order some food."

 

[-Blue-]

Oh, I’m sorry. Oh, I could put the trash into a landfill where it’s going to stay for millions of years or I could burn it up and get a nice smokey smell in here and let that smoke go into the sky where it turns into stars.

That doesn’t sound right but I don’t know enough about stars to dispute it.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Um, I’m not an orphan!”

 

[-Blue-]

"I'm going to want the milk steak boiled over hard. And a side of your finest jellybeans raw."

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Watch what happens when we try to turn a figure-8 into a circle!"

"I don't ****ing care—"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Boys, were you in the Hills last night?”
“As you know, we weren’t“
“Much to our disgust.”
“There’s a little thing called knocking that you might want to explore.”
“On the kitchen door?”

 

[-Blue-]

The guys from Coasters are gonna be here any second.
And we're here. The guys from Coasters.
Uh, his eyes are up here. Doesn't anyone knock anymore?
Um, I don't knock on sheets 'cause they're soft, and they don't make a sound.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“But I never even had sex! With Gladys Foamwire….”

 

[-Blue-]

Start the ship, Leela! Let's just steal the dish and get back to our own time.
But won't that change history?
Oooh, a lesson in not changing history from "Mr. I'm-my-own-grandpa". Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Ow?! Is that all you have to say after you let go?!
You weren’t supposed to fall off! You’ve ruined the show!”
“Well, maybe the sing-song teacher lady should climb the plant! Nugget did his best! Nugget wanted goo! Nugget’s claw is bad for climbing!”

 

[-Blue-]

What's the value of pi?
Uh - it's delicious? Mock-apple pie in a tripicale crust, maybe with a little cream on top. Classic.
Perfect. You're hired.

 

[AshtonDraws]

"How did all these squares make a circle?! I just..."

"No, no, it's fine, it's fine, it doesn't bother me, it doesn't bother me, it bothers me, it bothers me a lot!"

"AND THAT ONE'S STILL GREEN!!!"