The out of context quotes thread

Now, son, on your first day of school, I’d like to pass along the words of advice my father gave me.

“Homer, you’re dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it!”

Lousy, traumatic childhood!
 
"Boys! Boys, have you seen my *****?"

(confused) "...What?"

"My ***** is on the loose! If you see it, just try to catch it with some cheese." *runs away*

"Ow... That hurt my brains."
 
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