The out of context quotes thread

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Don't open your eyes till morning, or else I'll kick you in the nuts!"

 

[Yoshi155]

Good luck, boys. The fate of the world is depending on you.

We’re not doing it for the world, we’re doing it for our video game. God, are you deaf?

 

[Yoshi155]

Don’t you see what genetically enhanced smart towels like these are capable of? You get out of the shower and dry yourself off. But even after you’re dry, the towel makes you more dry. It keeps getting you dryer and dryer. Can you imagine it? What it would feel like to be way, way too dry? I’ll tell you something. You don’t want to know. And I don’t know.

And we don’t care.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"You remember your birth?"

"Sure, it was only four years ago."

"You're only four years old?!"

"Precocious little scamp, ain't I?" *puffs on cigar*

 

[Yoshi155]

You’re the worst character ever, Towelie.

I know.

 

[Suguri]

"Donkeys live a long time. None of you has ever seen a dead donkey."

 

[Yanrima~]

"Uh-huh, here's the problem. Too many toasters!"

"You know what they say: All toasters toast toast!"

 

[Yoshi155]

Everyone, can I have your attention real quick? Look, I just got a call from the network, and I’m afraid Earth has been cancelled.

*everyone groans sadly*

Now, now, it was a great run, and I think we should all be really proud.

*slight applause*

"Uh-huh, here's the problem. Too many toasters!"

"You know what they say: All toasters toast toast!"

HEY, YOU! OFFA MY CLOUD!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“What ya gonna do? Suck me to death?”

 

[Yoshi155]

Hey, kid, how come you ignored my friend request?

…I don’t know you!

Yeah, well, I’m just a guy who gets ignored, I guess! *spits on Stan*

 

[Midoriya]

"King Dedede, I swear to GOD if you don't shut up right NOW I'm going to have good ol' Kirbeh here suck you to death like that one dishwasher guy was pulled into the sink disposal and died in that one The Blob movie."

*King Dedede raises hand but then stops* "..."

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"And when Angela turns into and accepts her new life as a soccer ball— Now wait a goddamn second."

 

[QueenCobra]

“You think you just fell out of a coconut tree? You exist in the context of all in which you live and came before you.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Toshi, say something!”
“I speak fluent English and have the entire time.”

 

[Yoshi155]

Hey, Stan, my computer says we’re not friends anymore?

My Facebook profile went rogue, Dad. Had to go into the circuitry and do battle with it. I sent all my friends somewhere else.

Oh, okay. …so we’re- we’re not friends then?

**** off, Dad.

 

[Yoshi155]

A package is just a box until it’s delivered.

 

[Yoshi155]

If you ask me, you shouldn’t care what other people think.

You’re right! I’ll start by not caring what you think.

 

[Yoshi155]

Oh, they’re so cute! What are their names!

Kids have names?

Daddy Bender? We’re hungry?

What is it with you kids? Every other day, it’s food, food, food!

*the kids stare at him sadly*

Oh, fine. I’ll get you some stupid food.

Could we have Bender Burgers again?

No! The cat shelter’s on to me.

 

[QueenCobra]

"My father warned me about men and booze, but he never mentioned a word about women and cocaine."

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"I'm not asking for a lot, I'm just asking for absolute, flawless perfection."