The out of context quotes thread

[Yoshi155]

This is the first mass cow suicide I've seen in at least eight months.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Murderface, hold onto this for a second." *He gives him a firecracker* "Now, as I was saying—"

*The firecracker ignites in his hand* "AAH! That's my bass-playing hand!"

(sarcastically) "Uh-oh, there goes the band!"

 

[Yoshi155]

You know, I've really learned something today. Halloween isn't about costumes, or candy. It's about being good to one another, and giving and loving.

…No, dude, that's Christmas.

Oh, then, what's Halloween about?

Costumes and candy.

Oh.

 

[Yoshi155]

Look, my point is, Dracula is dead.

Yeah, I know, I know. I rented the headphones.

So that bus outside of our house is not Dracula.

I know. It's the ghost of Dracula.

It's a damn school bus!

 

[Yoshi155]

No one who speaks German can be an evil man.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I have a blueberry for a daughter….”

 

[Midoriya]

*Old guy and an M&M sitting on a park bench*

"This is your mission."

*hands the M&M an envelope*

"No, this is an envelope."

"Whoops, my bad. THIS is your mission."

"No, this is a chihuahua."

"Oh whoops, sorry. THIS... is your mission."

"No, this is the famous painting of Mona Lisa."

"Holy crap, how did I mix that up? Alright alright alright.... THIS is your mission."

"No, this is the Eiffel Tower."

"Geez, I am really getting bad at this. Did someone drug my coffee this morning? Anyway, THIS is your mission........"

"Um... that's the Andromeda Galaxy."

"You know what? I give up. Do whatever you want. You're a ******* M&M."

 

[Yoshi155]

Thank you, your honor. This isn't a victory for me, this is a victory for the justice system. And my balls.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Can I count to ten? I’m already shooting at a fifth grade level.”

Post automatically merged: Jan 7, 2024

“The word of the day is quarantine! Q-U-A-R-A-N-T-I-N-E. Quarantine!”

 

[Yoshi155]

What if… what if it turns out they aren't terrorists, but they're actually werewolves from the future?

No, no, they're terrorists. They've been linked to al-Qaeda.

But what if al-Qaeda, it turns out, is the group being terrorized… by aliens?

No, that's not an idea. That's a twist. We need ideas.

How about we make everyone think that terrorists attacked us, but really, we were all already dead?

Get him out of here.

 

[Yoshi155]

Wait, the US government has a portal to the imagination?

Aw, see?! Good job, Tom. Why don't you just tell them everything about Project X?

Yes, sir. We built a portal to the imagination to use against the Russians during the Cold War, but we never-

That was sarcasm! I was being sarcastic, you ****ing idiot!

 

[junebuggy.99]

"you know what? why don't you give me a thousand dollars, and in return I'll give you my ****ing toenail." - poofesure

 

[Yoshi155]

Dude, what's happening?

I'm in, like, a gumdrop forest. I just saw Strawberry Shortcake dead and tied up with pee in her eye.

 

[Yoshi155]

Why is it so easy for children to break into the Pentagon?

 

[Yoshi155]

*calmly and flatly* This is even more painful than it looks.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I don’t care if Bill Cosby’s coming to town!”
“Oh you should definitely care if Bill Cosby’s coming to town.”

 

[ShinyDungeoneer]

"The time has come for me to clear my reputation... BY ASSAULTING THIS YOUNG GIRL!" -Schezo Wegey, Puyo Puyo Tetris.

(actually anything he says could work for this thread, just play the game, he's a walking innuendo, Arle says he is.)

 

[Yoshi155]

April Foo-

(the house explodes)

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Oh my god! I’m a hideous woman!”

 

[QueenCobra]

“Do not let a woman who decorates her buttocks deceive you.”