The out of context quotes thread

[Midoriya]

"Alright, let's watch the ball drop."

"Peter, I want to go to bed... it's late."

"NO, Lois, as a peoples who celebrates the new year, we got to wait and watch the ball drop."

*a few minutes pass and Lois starts shaking uncontrollably*

"P-Peter, I think I'm having a heart a-attack!!"

"SHHH, it's almost here!"

*Lois passes out*

"3...2...1... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!"

*Peter grabs Lois's body, gets into the car, and drives to the hospital*

"Tell me doctor Hartman, is my wife gonna be okay?"

"Well, Peter, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that your wife survived. The bad news is that, due to complications of the heart attack, she can no longer use her vocal chords. In other words, your wife is now mute."

*Lois glares at Peter as he sheepishly grins*

"Help me.... please help me.... mmmmmmmmmmm"

*Peter begins chanting as he holds his hands out*

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Shh! I'm trying to contact the ghost of new years past!"

 

[Yoshi155]

Come on, dawg! You're into this! You're black!

*stares at him blankly*

You sound black.

*stare at him blankly*

Where are you from?

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"And here's my guitar made from the wood of Christ's cross."

"Ugh, get ready for a billion emails. Here comes the religious weirdos."

"What's so offensive about the most religious instrument?"

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Candy: Tastes like chicken, if chicken was a candy."

 

[Yoshi155]

I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger place.

No we won't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's crib, and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.

Won't that warp him?

My cousin Frank did it.

You don't have a cousin Frank.

He became Francine back in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think his name is Mother Shibubu now.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Who shot my Lolly?”
*All the animals point at Eustace*
“The hunter!”

 

[Yoshi155]

You're not the only one who can abuse a nonprofit organization!

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Act like I'm not here, go."

"Don't worry, I've been trying to do that since you got here."

 

[Yoshi155]

I'm gonna blow up the print, Spielberg!

Your persistence surprises even me. Surely you don't think you can escape from this premiere.

That depends on how reasonable we're all willing to be. All I want are my friends.

Wow.

Except for Cartman, you can keep him.

AY!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“But the talking mice say she’s the wrong girl!”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry."

"You did your best, Bender."

"Up yours, bimbo!"

*starts sobbing uncontrollably*

 

[Yoshi155]

That story isn't suitable for children.

Really? I keep my pants on in this version.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Any questions? Yes, Albert?”
“Miss Leela, that story was bad.”
“Well that’s really not a question….”
“Well that really wasn’t a story.”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Besides, I— I thought we were friends."

"Yeah, well... You shouldn't have been such a mean captain, then."

*walks away while sad music plays in the background*

"Don't worry, Leela. Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh."

*walks out of the room in a few steps and starts laughing insanely*

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Ah, chérie, won't it all be top-drawer?
I'll wear lipstick and rouge
And I won't be so huge.
Why, I'll easily fit through that door!”

 

[Yoshi155]

I could pull a better cartoon out of my a- heh heh hey, whoa, wasn't that great kids?

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“You poor unfortunate creature!”
*Wealthy woman puts some money in the can*
“Yeah. It’s not easy being blind.”
“Oh my god! You’re blind too?! Here. Take the whole thing.”
*Drops purse into the can*

 

[Yoshi155]

What did you say?!

I just called Cartman a name- he's a, he's a silly goose.

You do not say “big silly goose”! You call him an ******* like a normal kid!

 

[junebuggy.99]

*poofesure playing table tennis return challenge*

"You know what's crazy, is you know, if I hit it... dof, iF I **** MY PANTS"

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Okay, everyone says on this page that we gots to cuts out them 'carcobydrates'."

"Yeah, no mores of them 'carbokygrates'."

"What are 'carcomymrites'?"

"Oh, y'know, like uh... 'Pisgetti'..."

"Breads."

"Uh, paper towels..."

"Kleenex, napkins."

"Oh, that's easy, no more of that stuff."