The out of context quotes thread

[Mimi Cheems]

Come on Grandpa Jones! Move you old *insert curse word here*!!

- my dad while driving

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Get in me!”
*Jake shapeshifts into a house and Finn, Bubblegum, Lumpy Space Princess, and Marceline run inside Jake and he shuts the door leaving the Hierophant outside*
“May I come in?”
“NOPE!”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Look, I don’t care that your girlfriend’s new nose fell into a subway."

 

[Yoshi155]

Pretty please. Don’t grab a Propeller Mushroom and plow through my skull. Yeah, I know that got dark real quick.

- Nathaniel Bandy, 2018

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

*Holding a magnifying glass* "Aha, I’ve got it! This thing makes everything look bigger!"

 

[Yoshi155]

Any piece of animation that involves Captain Falcon eating a bowl of noodles is going to be a great time no matter what.

 

[Suguri]

Next thing you know, I'll take your thoughts away... And replace them with Metallica songs.

-ZeldaCrossing64

 

[Yoshi155]

How do you have that kids’ mom’s signature?

Let’s just say I helped his parents get divorced.

You were their lawyer?

No.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“So there I was on my farm when the aliens arrived….”
“Can’t you remember this story in colors other than black and white?”
*Scene goes from black and white to suddenly everything being completely yellow*
“Is this enough color for you?!”
*Kids nod*
“So anyway, the aliens arrived and started to attack!”
*UFO just sits there doing nothing*
“Well?! Why are you attacking?”
*Jump inside the UFO with the alien leader and a minion standing there doing nothing*
“We refuse to attack if we’re all yellow.”
“Gee I rather like being yellow!”
*Minion is zapped from a Ray gun that the leader is holding*
“Fine! You’re not yellow anymore!”
*Everything now becomes various colors*

 

[Yoshi155]

Where’s Miss Hoover?

Hey, her car’s gone!

Maybe she drove to the moon!

 

[QueenCobra]

“You’re gay!”

“You’ll all be happy and gay if you follow our tips!”

 

[Yoshi155]

Military school?! You lied to me!

Well, I’m sorry if you heard, “Disneyland,” but I distinctly said, “military school”.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“So then the President asked me to save the Earth.”
*An attractive woman in a bikini with a sash that says President is rubbing her hand on the narrator’s shoulder*
“Won’t you please save us from the aliens?”
“Uh Grandpa, the United States has never had a woman as President before.”
*Female President suddenly turns into Richard Nixon and the narrator is now distressed*
“I made myself a farmer instead of a rich man with muscles. I even gave you colors! Please let me have this one thing!”
“Okay.”
*Richard Nixon changes back into the female President from before*

 

[Yoshi155]

All right. Let’s go over this one more time, just to make sure I understand the situation. *clears throat* You’re a girl?

Yes.

Oh, gosh darn it, I just don’t understand the situation. *clears throat* You’re a girl?

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Elderly alien is sitting in front of two alien children*
“Have I ever told you about the time I almost conquered the Earth?”
“Yes Grandpa. Only a million times!”
“Too bad! You’re gonna hear it again!”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"We have to end this nightmare, I have sugar in my eyes…"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Do we have to listen?”
“Yeah. You remember what happened to Grandma.”
“SHE WAS ALREADY DEAD WHEN I GOT THERE!!!!!!”

 

[Yoshi155]

What’s the matter? Don’t girls like doing push-ups in the mud?

Is there any answer I can give that won’t result in more push-ups?

………No.

 

[Suguri]

Wanna see my "secret freckle"?

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Did this book just insult me?!"