The Internet's Worst Advice Column

[Zerous]

Make loud, random screeching sounds then stomp on the floor right next to her. She should run for it.

Is there anyway I can fix my broken ds's buttons without having to get them professionally done?

 

[Dizzy]

Yeah, just use mayo as an adhesive and they should start working okay.

How do I stop procrastinating my homework and letting it build up before doing anything?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Burn it. That should prevent your homework from building up.

I got a plant that eats anything in sight. Any tips?

 

[koopasta]

Just put tape over its eyes so it can't see.

There's so many gosh darn spiders outside my house. Should I start charging them rent?

 

[hotskittlss]

nonono!! the obvious thing to do is enslave the spider race and use them to then enslave the human race. then you can start charging them ALL for rent... wait, that's called taxes.

i timetravel a lot and now my villagers talk behind my back about it, help

 

[Zerous]

they cant talk if you kill them.

How do I stop my hair from getting so frizzy?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Brush your hair thoroughly or use conditioner. Probably trim it too.

How can I consistently perform rolls?

 

[Korichi]

Turn yourself into a sausage. You’ll be rolling in no time.

How can I uninstall the need to sleep?

 

[FanGirlCookie]

Just break it, that can uninstall anything hon

How to play guitar?

 

[Zerous]

Like this, duh


How to ride a unicycle?

 

[koopasta]

Amputate your legs. It's the only way.

How to become a fancy waiter in less than 20 minutes?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Spend all your money to beautify yourself on clothes, makeup, etc.

How to make a gif?

 

[honeyaura]

Film something off of your 2001 TV with your phone camera, cut it, and upload it.

I want a library in my home, but don't have any books. What should I do?

 

[Zerous]

Buy books

What is something that I should draw?

 

[Bread Kennedys]

Tentacle hentai.

How do I become good at video games?

 

[Raayzx]

Play every game in the world.

How to get good grades in maths?

 

[Jtheburger567]

Learn mind control and pretend they gave u good maths grades

Idk should I still play fortnite?

 

[FanGirlCookie]

one doesnt play fortnite. fortnite plays you. have you heard about the scams and how youre being played. i bet you that fortnite is actually a massive ploy made by the government to mind control people, it is dangerous. whenever you drink a slurpie or whatever theyre called, you actually give some braincells to the government. it is called fortnite because once you play for a fortnight the government have claimed enough of your braincells to add you to their army of mindless fortnite players
so no dont play fortnite xoxoxox

what do i do when i hear noises at 3am?

 

[honeyaura]

Burn the house down.

I have work, but forgot to wash my clothes. What should I do?

 

[Flare]

commit neck rope

Should I eat charcoal