The Internet's Worst Advice Column

[Clock]

Just say you have a planned vacation that day.

Fastest way to walk home?

 

[Bruscoe]

Sidewalks are for dummies. You need to walk on the roads the cars travel on. I heard there are secret panels hidden underneath that make them go fast; what they warn you about in driving school is all bogus.

I need a topic for my music thesis, pronto!