When do you consider someone a friend?

[Croconaw]

I haven’t really thought about this until I referred to one of my coworkers as a friend and paused to think about what I’d said. It made my realize that these friendships formed at work or school are all situational. Once you leave the job or school, you no longer have that one major thing in common and you’ll most likely drift apart. I’ve had people that I was friendly with at work and we no longer talk.

There is a difference between being friendly or cordial, and being friends with someone. You can’t be too careful when trusting people. On being friends with coworkers, I used to be on the other side of the debate, but we are all there for the same reason: to be paid. I don’t think anyone’s intention at work is to make long-lasting friends, but it’s good to remain cordial with everyone. Just be careful who you trust with personal information because some of what the coworkers are telling you about their life probably isn’t true and is just a facade to get you to open up.

It’s rare that friendships last outside of the workplace or outside of school. I’m not saying they don’t, but it’s definitely not likely.

When do you consider someone to be your friend? Where do you draw the line between a friend and just someone you speak to?

 

[Midoriya]

Honestly, it’s hard to say. I talk to a couple people every now and then and only consider them acquaintances, but I also talk to some online people every now and then and I definitely consider them friends. I would say that anyone who is willing to put their trust in me to be a friend, I’m willing to do the same for them.

 

[Kirbyz]

i tend to have the habit of calling people friends even if we don’t know each other that well too, i think it’s the fact that the people i meet online are the only genuine friends i have (other than my cousins, of course) so i just refer to anyone in that sense. it’s comfortable for me to do so because every member of this community is so friendly and kind, that even if we’ve only spoken about once or twice i already consider them a dear friend of mine.
it may not make much sense, but i seem to have a better connection with people online than i do in real life, so i tend to be very fond of the people i meet on here. especially since i talk with a few of them on a regular basis, so they’ve become my best buds. i can say that i’m more close with certain members here than ive ever been with anyone irl.

 

[Croconaw]

i tend to have the habit of calling people friends even if we don’t know each other that well too, i think it’s the fact that the people i meet online are the only genuine friends i have (other than my cousins, of course) so i just refer to anyone in that sense. it’s comfortable for me to do so because every member of this community is so friendly and kind, that even if we’ve only spoken about once or twice i already consider them a dear friend of mine.
it may not make much sense, but i seem to have a better connection with people online than i do in real life, so i tend to be very fond of the people i meet on here. especially since i talk with a few of them on a regular basis, so they’ve become my best buds. i can say that i’m more close with certain members here than ive ever been with anyone irl.

I can relate. I met my best friend online. We haven’t spoken in a long time but we were friends for four years. I tend to have more in common with people online. I always had this fear of people knowing my past and the fact that I’d be judged for it. I’m definitely not the same person I was a few years ago and it’s easy to start over where nobody knows you.

 

[Aniko]

I consider them as friends when they are still speaking to me after several years. I have a friend from elementary school, we stayed in contact even if we changed of school and didn't live in the same city.

 

[_Rainy_]

Not an easy question to answer if I’m being honest. I generally don’t make friends easily and I have a hard time letting people go. I find interactions with others to be awkward and causes me quite a bit of anxiety, especially because I have a fear of rejection, but if I care enough about the person to keep trying and we get past the awkward stage and I can feel comfortable then I would consider them a friend even a work friend. Not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever sometimes things just don’t work out and you clash because who you are and who they are just doesn’t mix well. I don’t think amount of time or how close you were with them matters as long as you’ve enjoyed their company.

 

[_Donut_]

I think when you're comfortable being yourself around them. I can act friendly with colleagues and people I just met but it's a different setting than when I am with my long time friends. I'm not uncomfortable talking about my hobbies/interests/likes and dislikes with actual friends or being just the goof I am, but it's just a different vibe with new people and colleagues.

 

[Roxxy]

I don’t really consider people I work with as a personal friend. They are great guys and we have a laugh and a joke at work but they are workmates. I am so lucky irl to have a small but very special group of friends. We met when our boys started primary 1 and just formed an amazingly supportive mum group which led to a close friend group.

As I spend most of my life on here I have been so fortunate to have made a few very special amazing friends. I honestly feel online relationships can be as close as real life ones. It is easier to be honest and just be yourself here knowing that you are accepted and no one is judging.

This is a very special place with amazing people. Thank you

 

[Shawna]

As others have said, it is hard to say. But a good start to winning my friendship is to just be kind, interested in making conversation with me, and respecting me for my differences/"abnormalities". Another thing that helps is having some of the same interests. It is really hard (and nearly impossible) to form a connection with someone if you don't have a single interest in common.

 

[CrankyCupcake]

The people I call friends (a literal handful) are people I've known for 30-40 years. We've grown up together, going through school and jobs and other milestones in life, and now we're aging together. We stay in touch. People at work were at best great acquaintances. We've lost touch with one another. Outside of work, I've met quite a lot of people in real life after meeting them online but we drifted apart when our hobbies (the reason we met online) took a backseat to other things going on in our lives. Also, they tended to be much younger people as my hobbies tend to be... er... less popular among people my age. Sometimes I feel like I'm living my life backwards or something.

(Oddly enough, among my friends, no one shares my hobbies. But we never seem to run out of things to talk about anyway.)

Shared, bonding experiences are probably essential to the process of becoming friends. I also believe that constant, sustained interaction beyond that first meaningful bonding experience is important. I can't be friends with someone who disappears for 10 years and then reappears behaving like we've been best friends forever. I can be friendly with such a person, but I don't consider us friends. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. For me though, it's a case of out of sight, out of mind.

When I was much younger, it seemed terribly important to have friends. People kind of looked at you weird if you don't have many friends. I don't think this has changed at all. But it's okay to have long-lasting as well as fleeting relationships. Keep going, keep adapting. Experience new things, meet new people. Whatever it takes, you know, to get through this thing we call life.

 

[Watchingthetreetops]

I'm very particular with friends. I honestly think of it in layers. I let people have the benefit of the doubt, but if they prove me off they're removed from the picture entirely. It is difficult for me to open up to anyone that isn't a stranger, so in regards to these "layers" everyone starts out at layer one, where we're just mutually nice. the second layer would be when I feel comfortable opening up about issues and problems. third would be after 2 or more years when we have an established relationship. anything beyond that becomes family to me.

when I say "prove me wrong", it gets...a bit gray. people are people and make mistakes and I've always tried to allow room for that. To be specific, when someone repeatedly acts out in a malicious way that affects me and my well being, physically and/or mentally. I'm pretty sensitive so I try to be understanding of the fact that sometimes people hurt others without meaning to....it's when that happens repeatedly (three or more times) that I begin cutting people out.

 

[Violet Witch]

For me it's when trust is established or when I feel comfortable enough to let down my barriers and open up without fear of being laughed at or being told to get over myself. A friend is a friend to me regardless of whether or not I work with them. Sadly these days friends in general are becoming few and far between which sucks because I know I'd love to have more friends in my life who share the same interests as me etc.

 

[Toska]

This is a tough question to answer. I have a difficult time making real friends, as I tend to call people I just met “friends” and can’t let go of toxic “friends” either.

I guess I’ll call somebody a friend once we’ve talked and had a good connection for a little bit. I think also a friend is someone I could/can trust with something. There are people I’m friendly with, but I don’t consider them friends.

As for a true friend, that’s when I can talk to them about the things happening in my personal life and the other way around. It’s usually people I’ve known for a few years, but it all depends on how close we are with each other. I don’t have much of these, as I tend to think of people as true friends too easily and keep getting hurt.

 

[WaileaNoRei]

For me, I don’t really think it is a bad thing, or that it means that your friendships aren’t ‘real’ just because they may fade away once you are no longer in the context in which you became friends. Having work friends or school friends who you don’t keep in touch with doesn’t mean you weren’t really friends or that those relationships were meaningless.

yes, like most people I have a small group for friends with whom I am close (though who are also good enough friends that we can go months without talking without losing our relationship) and I have a bigger group of people with whom I am friends through my work - who I would hang out with outside of work, but probably lose contact with over time if I changed jobs, or if they did. And then I have people I am friendly with at work but have no interest in getting to know more and who are not really friends.

I am comfortable calling a wide range of people friends, even if the connection we share may be looser or stronger. And different friends may know different sides or versions of me, and I am also okay with that. I’m a seemingly open and friendly person, but also very private and introverted. Only a few people maybe know that innermost parts of me, but I do prefer it that way, and still consider people friends, even good friends even if I know them only in certain contexts.

And though many of situational friendships may end or fade over time, all of my current close friends started out as people I met through work or school.

 

[King koopa]

Mostly I call someone a friend if we've talked to each other for a bit and we can understand each other and we've known each other for some time. However usually people I don't talk to that much I don't really consider friends, just people I talk to. I probably would draw the line if we haven't talked for a really long time and the person has pretty much moved on from me. For example, I wouldn't really call most of the kids at my old school friends, because we basically only see each other in class and at lunch and we don't really talk.

 

[moo_nieu]

idk if we talk to each other and enjoy it i suppose thats most of it, but i think friends also respect and support each other

 

[Aniko]

I think it depends on the relationship and what you see as friendship. As for me, it takes me several years to get used to people. I used to have funny co-workers, but we didn't call each other outside work, we didn't meet either unless it was during breaks or happy hours, we didn't share anything personal, when we quit the company, everybody went his way and we lost contact. Same for classmates. A friend for me would be someone with whom I'm confortable enough to share a bit more. It's sure that some friends are no longer part of my every day life, but the (old) relationship is still there, when we see each other, even several years later, there is no awkwardness, it's like we had never been separated.

 

[Stella-Io]

This is hard to answer, as there isn't really clear cut check list in my experience atleast. It's not just one key thing but a complex combination based on shared experiences, time and feelings

I guess I consider someone a friend when they feel they can open up to me about more personal matters, and I feel comfortable doing the same. I don't like talking to people about myself really, esp any hardships, so I always change the subject. But with people who I feel I can trust, I would be more open to it.

Also having known each other for a good amount of time. I can't say a certain amount, as it does go hand-in-hand with experiences and feelings. The friends I have now range from 1 or 2 years to over 10 years. I'm comfortable opening up to them and the one who I've known for 10+ years will comfortably talk about her struggles to me, so I feel I could do that same. I feel as if we can understand each other, even if our hardships are different, and that neither of us will judge the other.

Chatting is also important to me, despite that I never initiate it. I don't have friendship decay (atleast for my friends now) but talking is like a bonding thing for me, even if it's a simple as ranting about our fav new show or hobby.

Lastly their feelings towards me. When I quit my old job I had one coworker who I would talk with every time I saw her and it was always nice. She gave me gifts before so I know she thinks about me to some degree. When I finally quit I was ready to let everyone go and write them off as a work buddy, no longer talking to them. But she made an effort to talk to me even after (I was actually just texting her) so I know that, even thou I left suddenly, she still wants to talk and stuff.

 

[Damn71]

I only really consider people that I find genuinely interesting friends, if they're someone I would consider a best friend I will usually go out of my way to get them gifts or invite them to places

 

[-Lumi-]

This is a tough one for me.

I think that I consider somebody a friend when they're a person that I actively enjoy talking with, I want to talk with them, and they want to talk with me too. We don't necessarily have to share all the same hobbies but it's important that we enjoy each other's company and want to talk to each other. If they're friends in person than it's important that they're people I want to talk to and see outside of work/school.

I don't need to talk to a person super frequently or see them constantly for me to consider them a friend, though. I can have a tough time with communication. Time gets away from me and I genuinely won't realize how long it's been since we've last spoke/saw each other, I also just don't have the mental energy to talk to multiple people daily/hang out after work with friends super often.

I differentiate friends from coworkers through the people that I want to hangout with outside of work. I've had some really lovely coworkers who I've enjoyed working with but I had no desire to see them outside of work so our relationship always stayed more on the business side of things and that's totally okay. Blurring the line from coworker to friend is something that I personally struggle with - some of my friends are really good at befriending their coworkers but that's always been tricky for me. I've had one coworker that I consider a friend in that we would see each other outside of work but she's moved now and I've never really befriended another coworker in that way. I sort of categorize my life: there's my work life and and my home/social life. So when my work life bleeds into my home/social life it kind of jumbles things in my head. I know not everybody feels the same way but that's how I feel.