I feel so unwanted and useless. At this point in my life, I'm losing faith that I'll ever be able to have a social life again. Trying to have conversations even with older adults and co-workers is resulting in me indirectly getting booted from social circles, and I have reason to believe that they view me as annoying. First it was with my former friends, then my therapist and co-workers, and now my own parents. Isn't it ironic how I feel better when I'm not talking to anyone in real life? I really wonder why that is.
Just about an hour ago, I blew up in a fit of rage at my parents. I nicely asked my dad where some wall nails were, and he went to go find them as I don't have a clue where anything is in our mess of a house. Before this, I was simply having friendly conversations with the both of them while watching baseball. Eventually, they started to show signs that they were becoming disinterested in what I had to say. When my dad came back with the container of wall nails, he threw the whole thing at my head, and I got very angry. From what I could tell from his facial expression, he didn't really look like he cared about what he just did. I quickly stormed out of the living room - now knowing fully that I'm unwanted - screamed a few things, and slammed shut the door to my room. After about two minutes, I went outside to my backyard (again, slamming the door) and took out my rage on fallen tree branches in my backyard. I sat out there for about 15 minutes before quietly coming back in, not saying a word to either as they were still glued to their TV watching the news.
I have no choice but to try and find a new therapist. These outbursts of rage from feeling so disrespected and unwanted is going to take a toll on my overall health. I really do not understand why I feel like everyone hates me in real life. I'm not a bad dude, really. All I want is to be told what the heck I'm doing wrong with how I communicate. I cannot learn if I'm not taught the lessons.
(By the way, please know that you guys are awesome here on TBT. This place has become such a bright spot in my life, and I'm extremely grateful for that.)
Just about an hour ago, I blew up in a fit of rage at my parents. I nicely asked my dad where some wall nails were, and he went to go find them as I don't have a clue where anything is in our mess of a house. Before this, I was simply having friendly conversations with the both of them while watching baseball. Eventually, they started to show signs that they were becoming disinterested in what I had to say. When my dad came back with the container of wall nails, he threw the whole thing at my head, and I got very angry. From what I could tell from his facial expression, he didn't really look like he cared about what he just did. I quickly stormed out of the living room - now knowing fully that I'm unwanted - screamed a few things, and slammed shut the door to my room. After about two minutes, I went outside to my backyard (again, slamming the door) and took out my rage on fallen tree branches in my backyard. I sat out there for about 15 minutes before quietly coming back in, not saying a word to either as they were still glued to their TV watching the news.
I have no choice but to try and find a new therapist. These outbursts of rage from feeling so disrespected and unwanted is going to take a toll on my overall health. I really do not understand why I feel like everyone hates me in real life. I'm not a bad dude, really. All I want is to be told what the heck I'm doing wrong with how I communicate. I cannot learn if I'm not taught the lessons.
(By the way, please know that you guys are awesome here on TBT. This place has become such a bright spot in my life, and I'm extremely grateful for that.)
