What's Bothering You?

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These are some of the messages in the album's "thanks to"s, I'm noT CRYING

And our members!!
You know it even if I don?t say right???
Whom I know better than anyone else, whom I cherish more than anyone else, whom I love more than anyone else
Rapmon, Jin-hyung, Suga-hyung, Jiminie, Taehyungie, Jungkookie
I?ll love you till I die

And lastly, our members, Namjoon, Seokjin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Jimin, Jungkook, whom I trust and rely on the most in this world, whom I want to be together with, you know I love you guys right??
It?s ?forever?.

Our BTS
Namjoonie-hyung, Seokjinie-hyung, Hoseokie-hyung, Yoongi-hyung, Taehyungie, Jungkookie
Recently I feel thankful and cherish even when you just simply stay by my side.
I think not only that you endure hardship for me, care about me more than anyone else, but you also stay beside me, and I gain strength from that
It?s because there are people who make me awesome like you that I can get to this point.
Seems like we will be able to do even better, since I have precious people like you by my side. Please look forward to it and support me.
BTS, I love you.

Hoseok's was the cutest ;;;;;;; gahh

i loved Jimin's message oml ;____;
 
My grandpa is dying.. I feel like he was the only one in my family who ever loved me. He stood up for me when all my other family members picked on me and made me feel crappy. He wont be alive for my wedding, or to hold my first born, and there's a possibility he won't be alive long enough for me to see him again. He lives 6 hours away from us, in the middle of nowhere. I recorded his voice on the phone:
"I love you, grandpa."
"I love you too, Kaia. I love you with all my heart."
Ive been crying for hours and I'm so depressed.. I don't wanna ask my mom to make me a doctor appointment so I can get back onto Prozac (antidepressant) because it costs a lot of money and we can barely afford food and a roof over our head. I've been sleeping a lot because when I'm awake I just have emotional breakdowns and wanna cut or kill myself. I just want everything to be okay again. Like when I was little and my dad wasn't on drugs and my mom was happy and i saw my grandparents every day and my dog was still alive and no one seemed worried about anything.. I just want one last chance..
 
My mom has been in AA for about 10 years now but I keep on getting this reoccuring dream about her drinkning again and me not being able to stop her like when I was a kid. I know it's totally anxiety based but I guess just being around so many drinking family members during the holidays I start to get concerned.

But also death seems like a viable option for many more troubling issues *cough* exams
 
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read some of my really old stuff in my little journal. Kind of cute but cringey enough for me to want to burn it aaaaaaa
 
People keep leaving the door open for some reason (why would you even leave it open in the first place?) and flies keep coming inside. Also, when people offer me food and I decline and they end up demanding that I eat. Even though sometimes the reason why I'll say no is because I don't want to be rude, most of the time the reason why I say no is because I really don't want to eat.
 
Accidentally spilt Pasito onto my computer and it seeped into the battery, yay.
 
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I'm so bad at the Battle Tree. It doesn't really help that I only use one type, but I need 64 BP and I have.... 8.
 
The Christmas festivities are over and now it's quiet again... I probably won't see my sister until August now. I wish I was rich so I could visit more often. Maybe some day.
 
Finally started my diet up again. But Between then and now, I gained 3.4 pounds :(
 
Tomorrow's my birthday, but I'm pretty sure that I'm just gonna stay holed up in my room feeling sorry for myself and depressed because that's 100% what I did today...
 
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