Mom issues

[Spongebob]

I need advice.
Ok so this is the first time I'm talking about this because this has been happening too much lately (my dad is on a work vacation so he's not here to stop my mom from taking it too far). My mom is kind of an emotional wreck. Even tho she gets groceries and cleans up (and I appreciate that a lot btw) She's almost always is negative and verbally abusive. Especially in recent years. I'm kind of her emotional punching bag. My selfish 10 year old bratty sister always screams and cries at my mom and my moms always takes it out on me because she knows I won't cry or talk back. It's not that cool. My dad and my 3 year old sister aren't like my mom and my 10 year old sister because almost all of the time they are nice and sweet. I still love my mom when she isn't complaining or calling me hurtful things. But especially when my dad is away she takes it too far. My mom was born with depression so that might be why she does this. All my others friends moms seem really nice and always friendly but I can't imagine my mom being like that. She also stresses over things way too much. (The reason I'm writing this right now is because my mom just came back from my cirriculum night crying because she thinks I can't handle myself getting good grades on my own. Even tho it's the beginning of the school year and I have all A's and B's. Except for math in which I have a C but I've always been terrible at math and am trying to get better. But I can take care of myself just fine.)

Anyway, do any of you have advice for me or want to share stories similar to mine? It would probably make me feel a little bit better to know I'm not the only one who's mom is like this.

Thanks for reading.

 

[That Zephyr Guy]

This is just something you're going to have to learn to deal with, sorry to say. It's part of growing up - we have all had our mothers and fathers call us very hurtful things (some more than others, some less).

The only advice I can offer is to find a way to cope. I took to drawing and exercise because they gave me the release I was never allowed to have, maybe you can find something similar? I'd advise against using video games to cope, that doesn't end well.



For reference, I have plenty of experience with this. If I got a C on my report card in middleschool or highschool? No electronics, period, until the next marking period comes around and my grades have improved. This too, also came with it's fair share of verbal abused hurled at me.


Good luck friend, I hope you find what you need.

 

[Nuclear Bingo]

Well I guess you're still just a kid.

Yeah I went through the same stuff when I was in elementary school and in middle school. She has depression, as do i. She had a **** diet and smoked and hated my dad so she was never in a good mood. In middle school one of her cats died and she ****ing lost it. My dad was also out of town at the time. She made me cry almost daily for two weeks. Then I just hated her. She noticed I did then she changed. Eventually, my parents got a divorce when I was 16 and she's been a lot easier to deal with since she moved out. When I was at that age, I just stopped giving a ****. 4 years, still don't give a ****. You'll learn that even family doesn't have to matter. Up to you but that's how I think.

 

[Spongebob]

This is just something you're going to have to learn to deal with, sorry to say. It's part of growing up - we have all had our mothers and fathers call us very hurtful things (some more than others, some less).

The only advice I can offer is to find a way to cope. I took to drawing and exercise because they gave me the release I was never allowed to have, maybe you can find something similar? I'd advise against using video games to cope, that doesn't end well.



For reference, I have plenty of experience with this. If I got a C on my report card in middleschool or highschool? No electronics, period, until the next marking period comes around and my grades have improved. This too, also came with it's fair share of verbal abused hurled at me.


Good luck friend, I hope you find what you need.

Thanks for the advice.
I do like drawing a lot so I'll try to start doing that more. Its a pretty good way to release stress.

 

[That Zephyr Guy]

Thanks for the advice.
I do like drawing a lot so I'll try to start doing that more. Its a pretty good way to release stress.

If you have anxiety problems, you could also focus more on the lineart rather than the coloring or sketching. I read somewhere (forgot where, no source so take it with a grain of salt) that the act of your eyes following the pen as it makes its marks helps put the brain at ease.

 

[Spongebob]

Well I guess you're still just a kid.

Yeah I went through the same stuff when I was in elementary school and in middle school. She has depression, as do i. She had a **** diet and smoked and hated my dad so she was never in a good mood. In middle school one of her cats died and she ****ing lost it. My dad was also out of town at the time. She made me cry almost daily for two weeks. Then I just hated her. She noticed I did then she changed. Eventually, my parents got a divorce when I was 16 and she's been a lot easier to deal with since she moved out. When I was at that age, I just stopped giving a ****. 4 years, still don't give a ****. You'll learn that even family doesn't have to matter. Up to you but that's how I think.

I don't have depression but I see what you mean. I am only 13 (pretty young) but I think my mom doesn't realize how I feel about her acting the way she does. Maybe I'll talk to her about it this weekend.

- - - Post Merge - - -

If you have anxiety problems, you could also focus more on the lineart rather than the coloring or sketching. I read somewhere (forgot where, no source so take it with a grain of salt) that the act of your eyes following the pen as it makes its marks helps put the brain at ease.

I didn't know about that. That's pretty cool, I'll be sure to try it next time I draw.

 

[Nuclear Bingo]

well good luck buddy. Yeah that's young haha. I didn't really become who I am now until 17 or 18. Maybe your perspective on her will change. Every time I tried that though, she would always say I deserved how she treated me and what she said because of something I did. Never did anything for me

 

[jiny]

My mom calls me names half of the time -- and I am 11 BTW. She gets mad because I am not sleeping a minute past my bedtime which is 10:30PM. It's whatever time on weekends. I can't use my iPad when I'm trying to sleep, even if watching YouTube videos helps me sleep. I'm mostly awake half the night worrying about what she'll do the next day..

 

[aetherene]

I've grown up in life with my mother who always expects a lot, criticizes everything about me from my clothes to my body, blows up at me for being a ***** when I wasn't, and never admits when she wrong and only hears what she wants to hear. 24 years of this and she drives me crazy today. I feel like she's messed me up badly when she raised me, but I find that ignoring the crap that comes out of her mouth is better than taking it to heart. And tbh, I think that if I ever did keep listening to her, I would end up killing myself over the the overcontrol she tries to exert over me.

I don't have much advice for you. You can't change your parents, ever, especially your mother. No matter how much you try to talk to them, they don't listen. They won't change, even if you tell them how much their attitude affects you negatively.

The only thing is that when your mom does her thing and tries to rip into you, don't say anything. Don't listen to her. Let it go through one ear and out the other. Be physically there but let your mind move to something better, something that makes you happy. You're worth more than you think you are. Don't let your mom tear you down. Doing this while living at home is the thing that stops me from losing my sanity or even control on my life.

And when you have the money and the resources, move out. That sever in connection is much healthier than sticking it out. If I had the money, I would move out and relish in that freedom away from my mother. However, that has to wait so all I can do is let her words go through one ear and out the other.

 

[TheGreatBrain]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It must be very hard. The only thing I can tell you is to talk to your mom about it. She loves you, and maybe she doesn't realize how much she's hurting you. If you do decide to talk to her, make sure not to name call, yell, or say anything hurtful. Just tell her how you feel, and how much her words hurt. I hope things get better for you.

 

[brownboy102]

My dad is a drunk. He's with us nearly the while day. He works graveyard shift.

We barely have enough money to pay the bills. Me and my sisters do a lot of the chores.
My eldest sister isn't helping. She's acting like some sort of rebel and she takes it to far. She knows what my mom goes through.
Her dad is also in the hospital online support. He had pnemonia and heart problems. After he got surgery, he was basically a living corpse. Hospitals always put you on a strict diet until you're like 100 pounds.
My grandpa constantly leaves a mess. We're usually the one who cleans it up but she's the one who tell him to stop. He doesn't stop, though.
My grandma is always causing constant support, but she makes large messes too.
She has more student fees to pay, but now my sister is in uni so she needs books and stuff. Guess who's paying.
I'm sometimes the only one there but I'm not much of a help either. I won't go into detail why.
Most of the heat goes to my eldest sister because of how rebellious she is. I get the least because when she yells at me I'll just leave.

For her it's a constant emotional roller coaster and her kids are the only one who's really there, and as their children I feel we need to do more.

That being said, your problem is worse.
Your mother takes it out on you? Instead, try to give her support once in a while to keep pushing in life when she's feeling down.
Also, show that ten year old if yours some respect. If I was like that my mom would of slapped me.

 

[ams]

I'm so sorry about your situation, and honestly it sounds a lot like my relationship with my stepmom. She was/is emotionally abusive, very controlling and took her anger out on me and my sister a lot. That led to my sister leaving home very young and getting into some bad situations. I know it's so unfair to live with someone who does that, but I got through it by trying to spend a lot of time with friends and having a life away from home. I also used a bit of a "killing with kindness" approach when I was younger to make sure that she felt bad about her behaviour.

My suggestion to you is to talk to your dad about it if you feel comfortable. Also just remember that before long you'll be an adult and won't be forced to live with people who treat you poorly! My relationships with my family members got a lot better with a bit of distance in between us.

 

[Mega_Cabbage]

Babies (your mom) can be born with depression?

I would suggest avoiding your mom and bratty sister for a while. Just leave the room when they start to annoy you. Wait until your dad gets home and then talk about the issue with her if you don't want to do it right now. Just because she has issues with her depression does not mean she has a right to abuse you. If she believes that you won't scream and talk back, then prove her wrong and stand up for yourself.