I used to but they all left me. Here's my story about them. The first friend I made was this 7th grade boy who sat next to me and started to talk to me. He was a bit weird at first, but sure enough I talked and we soon became friends. He was asking me if I had a "Myspace" this was back in 2008 when Social Media wasn't huge at the time. So I created a myspace account and we became friends on there. Then things started to take a dark turn by the time I got to High School. He began hanging out with friends and for whatever reason he starting calling me names and started making fun of me. It was then I started to realize his behavior changed. Then he started to spread false rumors about me that were not true and everyone was laughing at me. It was then I realized that he turned into a Bully and I was already dealing with personal life issues back at home and it was enough to make me snap. I told him that I was going to end friendship and he just didn't seem to care, so by 2011 we stopped talking to each other, but by the time it was over I was already feel depressed.
The recent best friend that I had to cut ties with I'll talk more about him. I met him way back in Elementary school in 5th grade. He was a weird kid, but he would always make jokes and was known to be a funny guy. However when he started to talk to me about what my favorite games were, thats when I started to talk to him and then we became friends. I haven't seen him since, but then I saw him in 11th grade in high school during the time I cut ties with the last friend. He came up to me and he was talking more about what he was going through in his life and didn't seem that bothered about what was going with me. I mean he was there for me, but something about it just seemed off. Over the years we kept in touch on Facebook, but the only time he would talk to me was when he would just talk about what he has done in his favorite game and I began getting tired of it. I pretend to like it just so he would not get mad at me, but deep down I was going through so much personal issues.
It was then when I finally started to vent about my issues he downplayed it and acted like what I was going through wasn't a big deal to them and telling me that I just need to "make more friends" when he said this I got so angry and just unfriended him after that. After holding back my struggles for so long this was the response I get? Instead of being supportive or trying to understand where I'm coming from with my issues he just downplayed it and gave me unsolicited advice about making friends. I spoke to my Therapist about this and he told me that I don't need people like him telling me things that they think work best for me. I need to be around people who offer their support for me when I'm feeling down and respects me for who I am. The truth is its very rare, because I had some other friends who would say "I'll always be here for you when you need me" but then as the years go by they forget about me and they will act like they never seen before which makes me feel more depressed and hurt.
So yeah thats my history about making friends. Like I mentioned I am just done with making friends because all this pain and suffering that I had to deal with throughout my life has just become way too much and I just realized that I just need to foucs on myself more and not be around others who try to change me for who I am. That is why I am not cut out to make friends, because they will never understand what I was going through and what I had to put with all these years ago.
