im not in a good place. i hate mental illness so, so so so much. i can never get a handle on it. the meds never work. therapy never works. why does nothing ever ****ing work. i’m doing what i’m supposed to. i’m doing what everybody says to. and it doesn’t help. it doesnt go away. it’ll never go away and i’m so so so tired. i just wanna go. i don’t wanna do this anymore. i’ll never stop feeling like this and i just can’t. what is the point? why am i here? what the hell does it matter. this world is so, so ugly and i feel so trapped in a body and a life that i don’t want and that i didn’t ask for. i don’t feel real at all and i just wanna go. if i wasn’t such a coward, i would’ve gone years ago and i’m so mad that i didn’t. it gets worse every year and i don’t think i wanna be here much longer. i have people expecting things of me and i just dont care. who gives a **** if i don’t graduate from high school if i don’t plan on making it to 20. my grandmother always harps at me about not taking care of myself and how my organs might shut down like bro i’m literally ****ing begging. i am begging for them to shut down and just take me out. the thought of having to live any longer is starting to terrify me more than dying does.
