What's Bothering You?

LIGHTWORKS!!! > < URGGH!~ it froze again! (well, it's been a while since it did that, but still > < )
& i had to force close it & go back in again > < this was when it was extracting as well.... Again!! > <


(sigh~ i guess until i archive my videos on lightworks & install the 2023 one, i guess it'll do that sometimes > < which is what i hate > < )
 
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Just been tired. Work has been extra stress lately; trying to stay optimistic on my vacation in roughly 8 weeks though.
Feels like family has been planning things without me which I don't think is true but just feeling a bit left out I guess since it's all timing up that way. Saw a really horrific accident a week ago and I think it's just made me a little extra sensitive right now...maybe making me want extra company more than I realized till now.
 
I'm feeling pretty ill right now, and I think it's side effects of my new medication. I'm shaking, nauseous, and I have a splitting headache. My doctor's appointment isn't till next week, so I'm a bit worried. Not sure if I can risk not taking the meds, either. Aside from that, I told my social worker something rather private that I really wish I didn't say, and I can't stop mulling over it. Ugh.
 
Help. The journal I'm using for 2025 is falling apart. This journal is one I found lying around. My mom got it for me back in 2013. Now, because it's so old, the glue is comimg undone. A good chunk of pages are falling out. Some are ripping. I tried using tape, but it had very limited sucess. Honestly, I think I'm gonna have to tear out every single page, staple them all together, and glue them all back in to the book. In the meantime, I'm trying to hold the pages that have come completely detached in chronological order in the correct spot in my journal. I feel stressed. Why did this have to happen?
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As I'm trying to fix it, more and more pages are falling out. (Breathes rapidly into a paper bag.)
(THIS IS FINE.)
 
I've been so wiped out, I can barely drive. Ended up smacking someone's mailbox with my mirror on my way to work, and now I gotta tell my dad about this. I'm just so done with my life. It's just a never ending cycle I can't get out of. A cycle that gets me nowhere. I've been trying to help myself but it all ends up falling apart in the end every single time.
Looked for the mailbox I hit on my way back... didn't look like I damaged anything so that's good at least. It's just the car mirror but it was only the top part and it was the passenger, so my dad wasn't mad about it. I get he has too much to worry about than his vehicles nowadays, I just don't wanna keep damaging his car here lol
 
... Man.. I had an extensive blood work panel done for autoimmune diseases/disorders and whatnot.. turns out my anti-thyroid peroxidase is at 838 IU/mL (the normal range is supposed to be 25-35 apparently).. Which, according to the doctor, my result STRONGLY suggests an autoimmune thyroid disease.. probably Hashimoto's. I'm really really nervous. My mom had Grave's disease but it has been in remission for a really long time according to her? But.. idk. I'm really not looking forward to being on thyroid medications for the rest of my life.. 😞 There is always something wrong with me whether it be physically or mentally. I'm juuuuust tiiiiired : [
 
Universal Credit site seems to not be working?
I went online to login and it says, 'sorry, this service is unavailable'
I'll check it when im back from work, but not the best as one, I was gonna login to update what jobs I applied for, and I have a call from my work coach today. No wait, tomorrow. I also wanted to ask to verify myself to login, instead of the thing being sent to my phone, could it be sent to my email like it used to be; since the phone I use is so awakard, its an old phone but I dont wanna specify that.
 
a dude screamed at me today. i popped in the grocery store to grab ice cream. we were in completely different check out lines and i didn't see him at all in the store. like i said, i was just in an out and he had a cart full of groceries. like we were walking kind of side by side out of the grocery store towards the parking lot, he was a little ahead. and then a couple steps out the door, then he turns suddenly towards me, literally just screams AHHHH at me in a high pitch (imagine the wilhelm scream) and then ran away to his expensive car. he didn't look at me at all after that. i didn't go to my car because i was worried he would follow me or something. i walked into a restaurant and watched him leave from the window. i'm still trying to figure out what he wanted? it didn't feel like intimidation or a threat because the scream sounded like HE was scared but his face didn't look scared if that makes sense. part of me thinks it might've been a hidden camera prank video or maybe he was an inc*l taking out his frustrations at the world at me? i'm really not sure. i feel like people are getting more and more unhinged and emboldened to act badly. by the time i got home, the ice cream was melted... and i know tomorrow it's to have that icy refrozen texture that i hate.
 
I really don't like having my sister drop me off from school because she insists on going a different way instead of the route my mom takes and all it does is make us take longer to get there. -_- Unfortunately since my mom takes a while to drive from her work to home and my dad just can't do it, there is no choice.

Also, I am dreading tomorrow. Additionally, I'm starting to question my life decisions. ;~; Wish me luck...
 
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As much research I've done for that article thing I have to wrote, I still haven't written it and it feels like such a chore to actually do it now.
I know I just need to push myself but even that is hard. I planned to do it today but the sun has already set.
 
For some reason my phone is really laggy. It takes longer than usual to load. I tried closing a few tabs but that only slightly improved the load time. WiFi is fine. My phone is only a little over 2 years old. I hate this lag. So annoying.
 
As much research I've done for that article thing I have to wrote, I still haven't written it and it feels like such a chore to actually do it now.
I know I just need to push myself but even that is hard. I planned to do it today but the sun has already set.
How I get through most projects is telling myself I need to work on it for X minutes. Pick a time that is short enough to not feel too intimidating, but long enough to make progress (eg half an hour to an hour). Breaking projects down into smaller chunks can help a lot. Especially if during that time you put your phone on do not disturb, sign out of apps that ping you (eg Discord) etc.

Incentives can work well too. E.g. if you can work X amount of time or hit Y milestone, you can get that dessert you want or spend a half hour doing something you enjoy.

I got through my undergrad research project by alternating X minutes of work with X/2 minutes of Dynasty Warriors 8. E.g. if I worked for 2hrs I got to play an hour of my game. Then repeated it.
 
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