What's Bothering You?

this'll probably be the last time ranting about this, but.

it's just... i dunno. my licensure exam is in 2 days and i cannot emphasize enough how important this is to me. to my career. to my family, to my friends, to the people around me, to myself. this is the final step before i can call myself a full-fledged doctor. and i am so, so scared of fumbling, i am so scared of being a disappointment and i am so scared of people talking behind my back if i fall. i've been keeping a down low about me taking the licensure exam precisely because i dont want to be as big of a disappointment, but at the same time i would really really love the support of all the people ive supported in the past. i dunno. im just torn in all directions right now and i dont like the thoughts telling me that no one cares about me until i have that big shiny license telling me that i am worth love and praise and attention. in the past few months it's been especially hard for me because i have never fully learned to love myself, and that i am only worthy of love if i have something to show for. and it sucks having to think of it that way.

im just. i dunno. my mind is clouded and all i want to do is run away. but the goal is so near and i have no choice but to go forth afraid.
 
I got my new tablet I ordered, but I'm getting stressed due to some setbacks. 😖 First, it was a hassle just trying to get my package from the post office. I needed identification to get it, which I of course didn't bring, so I had to go back home to get one of my cards. This isn't the first time the employee has given me trouble with something, and I think he only went easy on me because my dad was with me and he's kinda intimidating-looking. (I know it's the employee's job to make sure I'm not trying to be fraudulent or receive a dangerous package. Still, I got nervous over the ordeal.)

I also need a phone number to finish setting up my tablet, and of course I can't use our house number, so I'm waiting for my step-mom to come back with her phone. I try to be patient, but waiting for something like this makes me nervous. I'm still shaking, and it's not from my meds (yet). I just want to get the setup done as soon as possible.

I'll be fine later, I'm just really anxious.
 
Chris said:
Don't know if you still live near me, but if you've caught what is going around here right now the worst of the throat pain passes after about 24-48hrs. Feel better soon! 🙏
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I swear the whole country has it !!! I feel a lot better today but it's been a rough few days lol , hope you're better too !
 
mogyay said:
I swear the whole country has it !!! I feel a lot better today but it's been a rough few days lol , hope you're better too !
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I'm at the dry cough and constant nose-blowing stage.

My girlfriend developed symptoms 4-5 days ahead of me. Asked her earlier today when the latter ends - said she'll let me know when she finds out. 😂
 
i'm so stupid!!!

i accidently saved over the first page of my pokemon trainer oc, heart's starter, kirei the oddish expression drawings (kirei is a girl :3 ) ... now i have to redo all those expressions over again when this one is done > < how could i forget i hadn't made a new page save for it yet > <
i wasn't thinking ~
...
oh well... i still have the original oddish drawing i drew first, so it's fine.. i guess < > 😅 even though i'm a little bit miffed about it, i suppose it's not so bad

i started on '' The Cuteness Quotient! '' on the 2nd one & 'i'm now currently on ' The Saffron Con ''

so once i finish ''wild oddish'' https://www.serebii.net/anime/dex/043.shtml , i can start re-doing the first whole lot i did before this whole thing.... 🤷‍♂️ it was going so well, as well > <


i'm really bothered by it, though > <

edit at 5:17 pm on 29/3/25: i decided last night that i would re-do the ones i saved over first, before i continue with the current ones that i'm up to...
 
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I’ve been having to deal with throat soreness the entire week, and now it’s in the sinus draining stages where I have to consistently clear my throat. Of course, this is happening during my week-long vacation from work. However, at least I don’t have to physically talk so much. In fact, the most amount of talking I did this week was to my therapist for an hour, and man did my throat hate that.

Worried to find out if it’ll turn into a stuffy nose come Monday…
 
Lowkey contemplating leaving this Discord server I’m part of. This has nothing to do with TBT. It’s just a server for a fandom I’m in. I connect more with the Twitter/X side of it than the Discord. I feel out of place in the latter.
 
I've been feeling like. crippling embarrassment about some of my interests, and it's getting really stressful
My favorite game made a very big impact on my life, it was at a pretty bad time in my life and it managed to get a big emotional reaction out of me, so it's still a very big part of my life

but most of my friends I met because of said game have since moved on (which is fine) but i worry that I'm bothering them by still being into it, and it makes me really nervous to talk about it. I worry that if I start being excited about it, they'll go "Oh, great, Carter's on about that again 😬" or something like that lol

I think embarrassment is one of the worst things to feel, and I wish I could not feel that way
 
Yanrima~ said:
I just wish I have someone to talk to especially sharing interests. It's like I felt so detached from forming connections.

(I know it's a petty thing to be bothered about this time so I'll edit this out or delete later)
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Going through the exact same thing in real life. Nobody I’ve met is into what I’m into. With my autism, I have very specific interests that I get really knowledgeable of and passionate about. It’s hard to find people who are as passionate as I am about what I’m into. That’s why I enjoy talking to people online.
 
Breakups suck, especially when you have BPD. I would not wish this amount of anguish on anybody else.. One second I'm fine, two seconds later I'm melting down so bad. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who I am anymore. This is my fault, though. I don't have anybody else irl except him.. it hurts. I feel so alone. I am alone. Is this my karma for being a bad person or something..? I don't know what to do anymore. I really don't. He was my safe place, my best friend.. my everything really.. for 3 years straight.. it would have been 3 years on the first of April.. I just want this to be a joke. I'm praying it's a joke.
 
I’m not sure if it’s weird to consider yourself ‘friends’ with somebody 10 years younger than you, but there’s someone I communicated with online and we had similar experiences. Very similar experiences. I don’t want to make it about me since it’s really not my place, but I wonder if it would be weird if I messaged them about it. Obviously being nice and not judgmental, because I can relate…
 
my friends say I have good advice and that I'm "always right" and then never follow it and i'm TWEAKING. oh yeah sure, i have good advice on not getting pregnant, thanks for telling me you literally went to your boyfriend right after that and did risky stuff. that's really awesome thank you so much for sharing. news flash: if you purposefully do stupid things, and then constantly cry to your friend about doing stupid things, they will start to get tired of you!
 
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