What's Bothering You?

skarmoury said:
today i dreamt of my insecurities.
the lingering thoughts telling me i wasnt enough, that i was weak and sensitive and this isn’t how i was supposed to be. they wanted me to be strong; instead all i do is cry.

im sorry. im sorry i turned out the way i am. im sorry i turned out disappointing.
Click to expand...
You turned out exactly the way you're supposed to be. It takes all kinds of people in this world. Even bad people help us appreciate good people more. We need sensitive people to remind aloof people to slow down for a second and experience the moment.

Being sensitive isn't weakness. It makes you better at picking up on what others are going through and being able to help them. Don't compare yourself to others because everyone is different. It's like seeing all the squirrels, lizards, and other animals climbing trees, and feeling like a failure because you're a goldfish and can't do that.
 
One library in the area had a copy of a Christmas movie I was planning to watch tomorrow. That library is a bit farther away, so I had it sent to a library closer to me last week and was going to pick it up on Saturday. Saturday arrives and I go there to discover that it is closed due to a water main break. Okay, fine. They're always closed on Sunday, so I go out tonight. Turns out all of the libraries are closed until Thursday. Cool.

Also unfortunately missed out on both opportunities for a White Feather from this year's 12 Days of Christmas. Not only winning the drawing but getting the particular collectible was always highly unlikely anyway, but still, lol.

Bleh.
 
just left work crying on christmas eve lol. i don't think i could get another job, but i'm still tempted to quit this one because that was horrible and unnecessary. nitpicking me constantly in front of people, telling me i'm sensitive because i take it to heart on top of the constant jokes at my expense and pointed out that, hey, why are you only nitpicking me for this when my colleague is doing the same thing, putting the entire onus of the atmosphere and everyone else's mood on me because i'm clinically depressed and have sad days, calling me rude for saying that if they want to take me yawning as rude then they can, and getting horrid at me in response for standing up for myself. what a nightmare to end the year on lmao.
 
So over the last month and even starting last summer my boss at my job has had a mild crush on me. And over the last month I started developing a crush on him too. It is so complicated and crazy right now. Today he went behind my back to my job coach and I don’t even know exactly what was said other than people have noticed. He won’t get fired but I might and ugh honestly it is so scary. I am almost in tears. It should never have happened. I should never have been put in this situation and I feel I am being rammed in a corner without a voice. It completely stinks and it is so messed up. I hope it doesn’t ruin my Christmas but honestly it might. I have to work today and I honestly am just going to avoid all management. It is best for me mentally right now.
 
daringred_ said:
just left work crying on christmas eve lol. i don't think i could get another job, but i'm still tempted to quit this one because that was horrible and unnecessary. nitpicking me constantly in front of people, telling me i'm sensitive because i take it to heart on top of the constant jokes at my expense and pointed out that, hey, why are you only nitpicking me for this when my colleague is doing the same thing, putting the entire onus of the atmosphere and everyone else's mood on me because i'm clinically depressed and have sad days, calling me rude for saying that if they want to take me yawning as rude then they can, and getting horrid at me in response for standing up for myself. what a nightmare to end the year on lmao.
Click to expand...
It might be worthwhile starting to send out job applications. It's easier to find a job when you're already employed!
 
I went outside to check the mail and my grandma’s neighbor was being nice, introducing herself to me and I hate myself for using my deadname. If I didn’t, she would’ve told me grandma that she met me and her referring to me as my chosen name would not have been pretty.

I hate my deadname so much, but here I am… USING IT. I feel like I’m part of the problem. I wanted to tell her that I hit my head recently and lost my memory, so I forgot my name but that would’ve caused even more problems.

I feel like I’m part of the issue here.
 
I had to quit my job. I'm autistic but high functioning. So I still get overstimulated and stressed. I was also recently diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression, which did not help matters. I was at that job for almost 2 years but in those almost two years they refused to accommodate me, despite me asking multiple times. So I had to quit. I'm very disappointed because I actually liked working. It was nice to earn a little extra money but at the same time, I can't keep putting my mental health on the line for a job that doesn't even give a crap about me enough to accommodate a condition I actually have. But at the same time, I can at least be proud of the fact that I at least tried.

I still feel all kinds of ways about quitting though.
 
scrolling on reddit yesterday and someone posted gore without censoring it or anything.
wonderful.
don't even get me started on the comments under the post. just evil, evil people.
it was from a subreddit that's been going to trash recently so i'm not really upset about leaving it. but ugh, i really wish i hadn't seen it. ruined my whole night and my day. it was very disturbing and it's really weighing on me.
 
(Sigh) look I hate being negative but I just need to vent. I'm stuck living in this airbnb and my dysfunctional family is always being loud and there is drama. It's ruining my Christmas I've been told to do different things and handle other stuff. When I am done I have don't have any energy to relax myself. I can't even play games because I am very annoyed and tired from all the drama.

Just once I want to have a day where there is no drama from my family it's always pointing fingers, yelling and swearing. It's so mentally draining and I can't seem to escape this never ending nightmare.
 
Much better day today. I took back control of what is mine which is myself. I didn’t speak to my boss who has a crush on me for an hour to avoid stares. And it worked. He had a bit of a moment I was ghosting him but it was for my own good. I needed to protect myself and i talked to him when i was ready. And I felt good taking back some power and control from him. It was really empowering. Good I can have a good Christmas now.

Merry Christmas everyone!
 
I always feel bad when I tell people I'm gonna draw for them and I push it way off 😔 like I love drawing for people, because my art makes them happy and that makes me happy (hell even my own art makes me happy), but there's always something ridiculous going on in my life which prevents me from enjoying my hobbies and passions. there are games I've borrowed from the library that I haven't played, there are piano pieces that I haven't practiced, and of course there's always some kind of cleaning to be done. but I've been making the rounds with college, with my legal name change, with work, with family and friends, and especially with my health. they always seem to get in the way.

I just want to apologize to those who have either waited for forever to get a drawing from me, or ended up not getting one at all because the prospect of the project overwhelmed me too much. it's difficult.

also, there are so many things I want to draw, that I just don't have the energy or motivation for 😭 I admire artists on TBT who are very consistent and can draw every request they get and more.
 
internet on my pc has started dropping/going slow out of nowhere 😔 tried all the "fixes" suggested, but nothing's worked. wondering if i should get a new wifi adapter, but they're about £20 minimum and i can't say for sure if that's even the problem. pretty sure it's not the network/router, because the internet on my phone has been perfectly fine ripp
 
I’m just going to keep it short and get out that yall my “dad” did the thing again.

He started an argument while I was sleeping… on Christmas. Like when I was a kid. Like the one thing I begged for him not to do my whole life, every Christmas asked for as a kid and waking me up? Well we had arguments over it this year.

This is why I hate this holiday irl… actually online it can be nice, I have actual friends and stuff, and I care about you guys despite my absence. But… yeah hearing about this damn holiday as early as September sucks with these memories. Paired with last year’s memories. It’s rough.

Otherwise: he’s been extremely racist in the last month. My boyfriend he doesn’t know about is black, some people helping me a lot IRL are black, he’s aggressive toward them for their race and scares them away from coming in the house because of it, dropped a racist slur against them (yes it was the hard version, not that it makes it any better), yesterday while my family was over he said a bunch of things to other POC starting political talk… I already know he’s queerphobic too (and I think he doesn’t believe me telling him that I’m not straight), he’s just a bigot… Most of my friends are POC and he’s a genuine embarassment.

This is no dad and my boyfriend’s also sucks and was a deadbeat so, I have no dad lol.

Happy holidays gs… hate this holiday irl but I still appreciate the sentiments from my actual friends.

Just need the bf to give me Wintersberg, I fell asleep to that and it was nice. Zzzz. I also didn’t enjoy a bath yesterday like I have wanted to for a long while because the neighbours’ noise made it stressful.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

~Kilza~
  • Poll Poll
What is your relationship status?
2
Replies
25
Views
1K
Lilyacre
Lilyacre
Bulbadragon
What websites have you used the longest?
2
Replies
32
Views
2K
RoxiePico
RoxiePico
ShawnFuzz
  • Poll Poll
Do you get bored?
Replies
18
Views
582
Aerith
Aerith
Rilesnation
  • Poll Poll
What's your go-to snack while playing Animal Crossing?
2
Replies
20
Views
1K
Ginny Potter
Ginny Potter
Jeremy
New Moderators and Other Updates
2 3
Replies
40
Views
4K
lily2816
lily2816
Back
Top