What's Bothering You?

Woke up nauseous on Thanksgiving. I was already dreading having to go since I've been having problems with eating (and also can't stand all the talking) but this is really not helping. I felt better briefly after eating breakfast but then I felt bad again. I hate that I have to leave the house like this. I don't get a choice.
 
genuinely so bored out of my mind this is one of the most non-thanksgiving thanksgivings i’ve had in awhile :/ i hate living so far away from my other family members like my grandparents, my uncles and my aunts. it sucks :(
 
We aren't having Thanksgiving today because my dad is at work, and we aren't having it until Saturday. So there's that first.

Secondly, this morning, I had another nosebleed (for the thousandth time or something), but this time, it felt more serious because there was also blood in my throat, I was spitting up blood, and I also started feeling nauseous. I asked my mom if I could go to the doctor, and she just got annoyed that I keep talking about this happening, and that since my nose only bleeds in the shower, they probably wouldn't be able to help, and she is a nurse herself, but I still feel like it's not safe to lose this much blood. It seriously makes me not want to shower.
 
Major thanks and appreciation to those that gave their two cents regarding my lack of dating situation:

Croconaw said:
I'm not sure I qualify as straight since I'm non-binary, but I am attracted to women. I think spending money on dating apps is useless. They don't care if you find someone as long as they are making money. The longer they keep you from finding someone, the more money you will pay because you think paying raises your chances of finding someone. It doesn't. If anything, finding someone will be harder because the apps are making money from you. If I were you, I'd stop giving money to dating apps.

Looks are your first impression of someone, so I can understand how important they are, but they aren't the most important thing. You can find someone attractive, but get to know them and they aren't what they seem. There might be someone that's a good match for you, but they aren't someone you find very physically attractive, and you'd fail to give them a chance because of what you see on the outside. Looks aren't everything. I'm definitely not a 10. I'd give myself a solid 5/6 (post the dental work).

It's also good not to judge a book by its cover. I've met people I found very attractive by society standards. One of the girls was previously bullied in school and tbh, my first impression of her was "I don't like her. She's a bully." Just based solely on looks. I haven't even spoken to her before. This was two years ago. The second girl is just very attractive, but we were talking a few days ago and she opened up to me about how self-conscious she was of her looks. I would've never thought someone that looked like her would be critical of the way she looks. I think this just goes to show that low self esteem can happen in anybody, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and not everyone is shallow.

I think confidence is a big thing here. I'm friends with the second girl, and I ended up getting her number just by casually saying "give me your number and we'll talk later." No questions. I didn't really give her an option to decline. I wasn't looking for anything more than a friendship here, plus she has a boyfriend, but she did give me her number immediately. I've gotten another person's phone number by the same method. Avoid the questions. It's amazing what you can get just by saying what you want. Obviously, I've spoken to these people before just asking for their numbers. This wouldn't be a good method if you'd just met the person and this is the first thing you're saying to them. You just have to gain the confidence to walk up and say hello to people.

This is easy for me to say as an extrovert, but you have to get comfortable with being rejected. It's going to happen, but don't close yourself off to opportunities because you think everyone is going to reject you. One thing I learned is that women care the most about confidence and can usually sense when someone is nervous. I think the best relationships start out as friendships, which eliminates the dating apps altogether. 99% of the time, people on those apps are looking for hookups and are rarely looking for anything serious.

I'd say drop the apps and don't actively seek relationships. The best things come when you aren't looking.
Click to expand...
Gabby said:
My advice for dating & finding a partner: work on yourself first. Cultivate your interests, have hobbies, learn a skill, learn to be in touch with your emotions + cultivate good listening skills. People want to date people who are interesting and fun. Not saying you aren’t, and I recognize that social anxiety can make it hard for these interests to come out for sure, but that’s something you can learn skills to navigate and overcome for interacting with others. Put that in the “something to work on” category.

Understand that a relationship is the goal, but relationships take time to develop and aren’t instantaneous. Set realistic expectations for dates and meeting people - take it slow, focus on listening and learning about this new person. Focus on fun for your first few dates, and don’t try to do too much too fast (aka talking about serious relationship stuff too quickly in the dating phase - can be a turnoff, ymmv)

If looks are important, dress to impress. Evaluate your style. Are you dressing or styling yourself for the person you want to be with? Regular hygiene, grooming your hair and facial hair, fitness, and attention to how you’re dressing yourself go a long way. If you value how someone looks, you’ll be attracting those who also value looks - something important to keep in mind. And you don’t have to dress or groom yourself in a way that is inauthentic to you - find your style, play around with it, and you’ll find that happy place of looking good and feeling good.

Aaaaand be patient and keep trying! Go to meet-ups for things you’re interested in, strike up conversations with people in general, and as counterintuitive as it sounds: don’t focus too much on relationships. If you work on yourself and don’t put too much pressure on finding a partner, you will allow yourself to blossom & become that person who someone might wanna be with.
Click to expand...
I agree 100% with Croconaw's stance on the dating apps. To be honest, I view them as my personal ecstasy, and it's as bad as being addicted to drugs. Once I start looking at all the beautiful women on these apps, I start to formulate things in my mind, like "man, would I love to be able to talk to her", or "I want to take her out to dinner". I swipe right, see another one, and I keep going until I run out. In reality, I've found out in the past that many of these accounts are bullcrap, and only exist because those "women" made them as a joke and aren't looking for anything serious other than an excuse to leave the house/dorm. It's a very tough reality to face, but it's the truth. Fortunately, I've since quit throwing my money at these apps, as I've finally realized a few months ago that it's a major waste of money. The real challenge, however, is trying to quit them entirely in the first place. I still swipe without paying a dime in hopes that a miracle occurs, but I know that for me it's as comparable as winning the Powerball.

It is much harder for males and minorities to find success on dating apps, and it sucks that I have to deal with it. Basically, if you have very impressive looks, you'll get likes. That's it. No other way to get 'em other than that. I don't consider myself really ugly - I like my facial appearance, though I probably need to lose several pounds as I've got a poor diet. My hygiene is well above average I'd say, and I try my best not to dress like a hobo. I've since learned from way too much experience that the honest and truthful things I put in my dating profiles are a waste of effort. Nobody wants to read how I'm genuine and being serious. If I don't get their attention in the first photo, they swipe left instantaneously.

If I'm ever going to combat my social anxiety, I've got to start going out in person to places (unfortunately by myself) and looking into activities I can join where there may potentially be females around my age. I think my Animal Crossing interest (and Nintendo in general) and me liking pets is a major first step. Going to my friends will most likely not be the best idea, as their methods of attracting women seem questionable to me. It's either that or find a quieter, friendlier place where people around my age like to gather and get lucky. I don't live in a big city, though I'm only ten miles away from a major university's campus, so the opportunity is basically right there. If anyone has recommendations on services I can use (other than Facebook as I don't plan on having an account there anytime soon) to look into such activities, feel free to let me know.

Zane said:
Honestly so many people who are struggling with dating say this as if they are only asking the bare minimum. It is the grand slam. She has to be a sweetie, like everything you like, and be conventionally beautiful. If after 6 years this isn’t working it’s time to shift gears. Physical attraction is important but scrap basing your potential dating partners so heavily on their appearance. Looks change over time. Start with trying to form an emotional connection first; you don’t have to try to seek out someone who already has all your same interests, because when you make a connection with someone you can gradually share those interests with them. When I met my partner I never gave a crap about anime, card games, travelling etc but I came to enjoy sharing those things with him as our relationship grew.

Also you mention how you’re approaching your mid twenties like you’re in your twilight years - I never went on a date until I was like 27! In my somewhat defense I was never looking for a relationship haha. But I also never held a picture in my head of how I wanted my future partner to look, so when the person came along who I really connected with there was nothing standing in my way.
Click to expand...
xSuperMario64x said:
can second this, emotional attraction always comes first and that provides the most solid foundation for a relationship. I believe looks are an added bonus; I find that after I've fallen for someone because of their personality and humour and quirks, I grow to love their appearance as well, but as a by-product of my love for them and who they are as a person. I couldn't imagine relying so much on looks, that makes things way more difficult and even a bit superficial imo.
Click to expand...
I have that mentality big time, and it sucks. I say being 23 (24 in about two weeks) is within the ripe age range to find a partner, and I'm seriously afraid that if I wait too long, the only singles I'll find will be recent divorcees that have children. You can say I'm a bit paranoid uttering that statement, but I'm most definitely not ready to tackle the challenge of raising kids yet, nor am I completely sure I would want to do so in the first place. To be honest, I really should relax my opinion on that; I know that I've still got plenty of time. Indeed, I've personally known people myself that never dated anyone until their late 20's or early 30's, so all hope isn't lost.

As much as I want to find someone who is physically attractive to me, doing so with them also having a fantastic personality is nearly impossible. Most of the time, it's either one way or another. I've known women in high school that look nice on the outside, but are totally insane on the inside, and I could see it being displayed at certain times outside of school walls. In my opinion, someone's appearance is one of the major factors of liking someone in the first place, but it's also one of the hardest things to ignore as well. That, I think, will be my biggest factor to try and tackle.
 
i have such an annoying pain in my left shoulder and left side of my jaw, idk why everyday something new has to be wrong with me 😭😭😭😭😭 if i’m not nauseous it’s a headache if it’s not a headache it’s something new my body decides to come up with 😭
 
I bought My Time at Sandrock but so far the game isn't pulling me in like ANCH and Dreamlight Valley did immediately. So I decided to bite the bullet and download Coral Island via Game Pass despite the fact it's buggy as hell on console, and I'm in love with it.

I just hate feeling like I've wasted my money on a game, especially when the "free game" took me by surprise. 🙄
 
pc company kept ignoring my emails, so i had to go on the live-chat just to speak to someone. was told someone else would contact me the same day only for nobody to reach out, so two days later today, i'm on the live-chat again, and after waiting a good half hour for this person to "contact someone" i'm basically told tough luck, we're not sending you a replacement even though you'r not liable or at fault, and we get to keep your money, but we're also not going to push the courier company who lost your order.

and now i've been left on read. just sitting in the live chat for 30 minutes, and it seems the guy is still there, but he's not answering lmao. this is such a joke. i would've preferred a replacement to a refund because similar pcs are, like, £100 more, or i'll have to pay similar for a monitor, but starting to feel like i should just threaten to get a refund through my bank and take my money elsewhere because this is just rude and ridiculous.
 
feeling emotionally numb  again and feeling so tired that I keep dozing off instead of staying awake  again. I'm supposed to leave for work in two hours and I can't get myself up. heck I even fell asleep in the middle of writing this post!! I just don't know what to do, I guess I could let my psychiatrist know and see if it's from the med.

also it's kind of subsided now, but I could hear my dad's voice in my head incessantly yelling at me for a little while there. talk about a fun way to wake up 🙃


oh and it's *freezing* and that's always fun to deal with.
 
^ me neither lol but to be fair i think i’m only getting digital gifts.

I don’t know if this is oversharing but,
I’m thinking my relationship is over unfortunately. It’s just been a ride recently of accepting certain things are not the way I would like. Talking with a friend who came back to me has made it less scary so it’s okay. This admittedly is part of the reason I’ve been off here. I really needed some time to mull it over in private.

It’s my decision ultimately because I know my boyfriend won’t pull up that conversation with me but primarily he just missed too many things that were important to me. Even though he doesn’t have a job or school it feels like he’s never able to promise time for me. How are we supposed to work on any issues on top of that? I can never look forward to just seeing him there when I get home from anything.

This relationship used to be exciting and just not so much now. There have been a lot of little things where it’s like clearly he doesn’t understand what I need despite my best efforts. I have probably the best support I could ask for to break it off if I do so. Idk how I’m going to break it to him though, I’ve bought up some of it but I worry about him a lot even while I’m here, my bf idolises me a lot.

It’s not even like grieving all this or that is over because I’ve been accepting that already, things aren’t how they used to be and sure excitement goes away but that’s not my main concern. It’s kind of just how much more can I really work on things? I feel like I’ve done my part, and there were times I think I carried this much more than him already, and I don’t like that uneven feeling.

@TN4U I’m not in the best state to give advice but I would really think about you first, the other poster saying to work on yourself was right. You don’t want a codependent relationship. It seems sweet and exciting but it is not a great foundation and if things go south you would be hurt a lot more. It is also just not fair imo. I would also think about what could be a dealbreaker or negative in a relationship to just have a bit more of a realistic perspective. You’ll get there. I have to come clean and admit all my relationships have been long-distance so. Like for example being stuck long-distance, or in other countries could be a dealbreaker. Idk if I can do that again myself.

On a pettier note it’s basically confirmed now the Chainsaw Man anime director is getting replaced. This series was spectacular until post Falling Devil and I just feel like it’s been a mess since… like… it’s just okay now, they really dropped the bag on both the manga and now mishandling the anime. I actually love the direction of the current anime episodes, it’s a damn shame the anime will be so uneven now. Guess I can be glad my favorite girl Himmy got adapted good but they couldn’t even keep it up for the first saga. I just feel bad for MAPPA artists in general.
 
Drawdler said:
I’m not in the best state to give advice but I would really think about you first, the other poster saying to work on yourself was right. You don’t want a codependent relationship. It seems sweet and exciting but it is not a great foundation and if things go south you would be hurt a lot more. It is also just not fair imo. I would also think about what could be a dealbreaker or negative in a relationship to just have a bit more of a realistic perspective. You’ll get there. I have to come clean and admit all my relationships have been long-distance so. Like for example being stuck long-distance, or in other countries could be a dealbreaker. Idk if I can do that again myself.
Click to expand...
First off, sorry to hear about your breakup. At least your friend has made the situation more bearable, and it's great to hear that you're doing alright. This forum is always here for you, so don't feel bad about being absent for a while.

In regards to your input about me, I agree - I need to work on myself more. I'm tending to do the bare minimum at the moment, and I've really gotta do more. A good example is with me coming home from work. My work schedule is pretty bad: I wake up at around 4:45 AM, and get home around 5:00 PM every weekday. It's a very long time, but I get a 2-3 hour break in between most of the time, and the job itself is perfectly fine for me. The moment I come home, I'm basically done doing anything else, and look forward to bed because I'm always so tired. My motivation needs to improve, but trying to keep myself awake is hard within itself.

I've never been a fan of long-distance relationships, as I much prefer to see people in person. It's more fun and memorable that way, and the thought of seeing someone in person only once or twice a year turns me off. It's not like extended family where something like that can be considered normal; my Mom's side of the family lives a few states over in Illinois, as she was raised there since she was 10 up until she met my Dad. We visit my Mom's family every year around Christmas, sometimes more than once a year if there's an event going on that we feel is respectful to be present at.

I would never gun it right from the start and go straight to someone saying, "let's date", as that's just being desperate. Things do take time - I just have the mentality of wanting someone right away as I've been single and dateless for such a long time, and it's affecting me mentally in mostly negative ways.
 
so my professor eventually put me in a group (tbh it's less of a group and more of a "all the other groups are full so you and this person can work in a group of two") and it's been.. difficult.

they haven't entered the document that i shared to them and they've only opened it once. for the entire time we were working or i was working, they were using my computer to type on the document :/ their computer was working and they were making google searches and that but for some reason they didn't want to enter the document because they didn't wanna go into their outlook, which i had sent it to (yeah im really confused about this??? i find it weird that they literally gave me their email but didn't wanna open it).

anyways, the really annoying thing happened yesterday. since i had to go do baby-sitting, they claimed that they're going to go see a tutor, get some help and type some more once they get it opened. once i got home and read it, i realized that it just didn't make any sense at all. it's like they didn't read any of the instructions that the professor have us. i've started to wonder if the "tutor" that they said they saw might've been AI all along but i don't want to jump to any conclusions.

i'm going to talk to them on monday ofc (dreading it though because i have no backbone and confronting people makes me physically ill buttttt i really dont want to fail this course) but still this has been a very annoying experience 😮‍💨
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Bulbadragon
What websites have you used the longest?
2
Replies
30
Views
1K
Vlachya
Vlachya
Rilesnation
  • Poll Poll
What's your go-to snack while playing Animal Crossing?
2
Replies
20
Views
1K
Ginny Potter
Ginny Potter
Jeremy
New Moderators and Other Updates
2
Replies
37
Views
3K
Ginny Potter
Ginny Potter
Croxxingfan98
  • Poll Poll
Animal Crossing Manga Translation?
Replies
2
Views
1K
Croxxingfan98
Croxxingfan98
M
What's your saddest turnip tale?
Replies
3
Views
369
Savont 2.0
Savont 2.0
Back
Top