What's Bothering You?

My stomach has been hurting, it’s too hot in here because they don’t turn on the air conditioner and I don’t t feel like doing any chores to keep myself busy plus I think it bothers them if I do too much anyway. I’m just sitting here with golf on the tv and half asleep counting the minutes before I can go home.
 
I feel stuck whenever someone asks me about whats wrong then the moment I say they say things like "Oh you're still sad about that, move on from it its in the past" I know that I should forget about bad memories that happened to me but its hard for me as an autistic to even forget about it, because it creeps back into your mind. It affected how I see people and it affected how I view the world. Growing up I was always the "Silent one" people always gave me weird looks thinking I was boring. Then when I was encouraged to make friends it felt forced, because I had no clue of what to say to anyone and they would get tired of me repeating the same topics.

This is one of the reasons I avoid talking to people, but because I was pressured into making friends doing my school days it really damaged my mental health. I already had friends who stopped talking to me and they treated me so badly. I don't know what I did to deserve this and I am not sure why but its something I have a hard time wrapping my mind around to this day. I want to tell myself that there is good people in the world and I should just leave out these negative people, but because I have trust issues its so hard to open up to anyone who has the time or patience to even what I'm going through.

Its also bad for me because whenever I don't have anyone else to talk to my emotions become bottled up in my mind forcing me to be happy all the time, act like everything is fine, and whenever I see people enjoying their time I don't want to ruin their day by talking about my issues the moment they ask me "Whats wrong?". Its something I have to suffer with everyday and I have days where I ask myself "Am I bad person?" or "Why is it that I'm the one getting all this hate?". I grew up in such a bad toxic environment as a kid that made me had a spoiled mindest and made me think that I was the one who was making everything a big deal and how I should just "suck it up" whenever I'm going through a bad time. I don't even know what to think anymore.
 
xara said:
i’m so sorry for your loss, koopa. cancer is devastating. i lost a family member this week as well, so i know just how awful it is. my pms are always open if you ever need to vent or someone to talk to. ❤
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Thanks. Things have been rough for me, but it's nice that people still care about me.
 
annoyed yet again.. wahoo. it's really COLDDD in my room because my dad refuses to turn off his ac. and i gots to do my work before monday lolol anyways....
im so TIRED of being so hypervigilant about any odd feeling in my body. IM SICK OF IT!!!!!!! it's terrible. it's gotten to the point where i can't even listen to a certain song because a certain lyric regarding heart attacks sends me into a spiral and where i lashed out at my sister because she made a joke about me having a poor lifestyle and going into cardiac arrest! it's not fun having a panic attack over a random pain i got in my chest when i inhale. im so tired of having a panic attack over symptoms i google. i'm tired of having my friends and family look at me funny when i talk about my symptoms. i'm tired of having to suffer in silence. I HATE IT!
 
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My first of two paychecks that I should have gotten by now from a previous job still have not arrived in the mail. I was supposed to receive one on the 13th, and the next one of the 28th. I have an idea why I didn’t receive the first one, but I do hope my second one arrives on time. Because that reason shouldn’t apply to the second paycheck.
 
My mom already left for her trip abroad. I usually get sad and a bit anxious when my family travels long distances. However, my anxiety is worse this time because of her age and COVID. She’s vaccinated already, so I should just get over this fear.

Not only that, all of her responsibilities like watering the plants and keeping the kitchen in order have been placed on top of my responsibilities.

My niece is also sick from the cold, so that was a fun round of “Is this COVID or not?”
My nephew is also teething so that’s another pleasant 9 hours to deal with.
 
the carpet is now dry after the last resort treatment from the cleaners (who dont have any further treatments available sadly) and i can still smell pee when walking through the living room. i just feel defeated. the landlord has had plenty of time to read their report about the very strong pee smell, but havent heard a peep from her. obviously we deserve compensation for having to live like this for a month and spend several days outside while the floor is being treated due to the smell, but i doubt she will give us anything. i just dont want to smell pee anymore. i really dont want to move as the location is great and its a cute apartment, but i cant live like this. im not sure how much compensation to even ask for or if its worth it to bring it up at all -_- should i just accept it if shes willing to return the deposit and release me from the lease?
 
moo_nieu said:
the carpet is now dry after the last resort treatment from the cleaners (who dont have any further treatments available sadly) and i can still smell pee when walking through the living room. i just feel defeated. the landlord has had plenty of time to read their report about the very strong pee smell, but havent heard a peep from her. obviously we deserve compensation for having to live like this for a month and spend several days outside while the floor is being treated due to the smell, but i doubt she will give us anything. i just dont want to smell pee anymore. i really dont want to move as the location is great and its a cute apartment, but i cant live like this. im not sure how much compensation to even ask for or if its worth it to bring it up at all -_- should i just accept it if shes willing to return the deposit and release me from the lease?
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You should see if she will return your deposit. I know it will be a pain in the ass to move but smelling pee for a whole year sounds unhealthy. Your landlord will not be able to get rid of the smell without replacing the carpet, especially since cleaners already tried multiple times to clean it. I hope you find a resolution soon cause I can see how stressful this is!
 
Rescued a kitten my sister and I saw got hit by a car a couple days ago, worried about his little legs because he's holding them weird and his hips seem sore, hopefully his pelvis is okay.
 
oak said:
You should see if she will return your deposit. I know it will be a pain in the ass to move but smelling pee for a whole year sounds unhealthy. Your landlord will not be able to get rid of the smell without replacing the carpet, especially since cleaners already tried multiple times to clean it. I hope you find a resolution soon cause I can see how stressful this is!
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thanks for your advice, oak. its only a 6 month lease so would be 5 more months, but i agree it hasnt been healthy for me physically or mentally. i guess i better start looking for other options bc youre right the carpet would probably need replacement and i dont think shes willing to do that
 
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Inflation. Was just at Target today and it seems like prices have skyrocketed overnight! An electric razor I bought a few months ago for $20 (not on sale) is now $30!! Also was reordering some items from Amazon that I needed and the prices pretty much doubled on a lot of things. Floss picks for my braces were always $10 for a pack of 4. I paid $10 in May and now that same item is $20. What is going on?
 
Starting to give up on my collectible search, as no one seems to be selling a purple bat potion, or a dark egg, and especially not a wix candy. I might just end up spending my tbt on some other collectible
 
Koopadude100 said:
Starting to give up on my collectible search, as no one seems to be selling a purple bat potion, or a dark egg, and especially not a wix candy. I might just end up spending my tbt on some other collectible
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Don't give up! Keep in mind, it is nearing the season for those to be used, so they will most likely be coming out in people's lineups. Also, those that might end up being sold now might be a little pricier than usual because they are going to be in demand for the season. just hang in there and keep trying! I will say, the purple bat potion is much more likely to come across. I will keep my eyes peeled for you! :)
 
Koopadude100 said:
Starting to give up on my collectible search, as no one seems to be selling a purple bat potion, or a dark egg, and especially not a wix candy. I might just end up spending my tbt on some other collectible
Click to expand...
I really wish I still had my purple bat potion, I would def give it to you :(


I started this small cross stitch kit this evening and I underestimated how small it really is. it's almost microscopic, I've never seen such a tiny cross stitch kit before. I can still work on it but I have to get my face really close to even see what tf I'm doing lol.
 
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